Chapter III
All My Feelings For You
|| 6.09pm University Infirmary ||
A scream. Taeyeon jolted up. She didn't know what had caused her to scream, nor did she know what it was that she felt she forgot. All she knew was that something weighed her heart down, a lot. Recollect, think, recollect. She remembered a voice, a male voice. He said her name, then, nothing.
Hyperventilating, Taeyeon surveyed her surroundings as her eyes adjusted to the light. She was in the infirmary. She looked to her right, a fan was whirring away. She looked to the left - A person wearing a brown paper bag mask was staring at her. Oh, J!
"Are you alright?" J enquired coldly.
Taeyeon nodded her head slowly, processing the fact that J had just spoken a coherent sentence.
"Water?" J poured a glass and passed it to the dumbfounded danshin.
Muttering a quick thank you, Taeyeon sipped the water from the glass, occasionally stealing glances at J. A nurse walked in shortly after and asked how Taeyeon was feeling. During their exchange, J stood up and walked out of the infirmary.
"Lucky your good friend was there." The nurse stated as her eyes trailed after the taller girl.
Taeyeon later found out that after she had fainted on the roof, J piggy backed her all the way to the infirmary. The nurse also said that although J's shirt was drenched in sweat, she was solely concerned about Taeyeon's wellbeing.
Past the initial cold facade, J actually had a pretty warm heart…...
|| 7.09pm Outside Taeyeon's apartment ||
Stars dappled the navy blue canvas above Taeyeon. The cool wind blew across her face, and disturbed the still leaves which rustled noisily in the background. On nights like these, she usually felt calm, serene and at peace, but tonight, something threw her off balance. It felt like something was constricting her chest and was making it hard to breathe, but yet at the same time it didn't feel like a kind of physical ailment.
She poked the button for the eighth floor. The lift doors closed, and it started humming as it ascended upwards. Level One. Level Two. The four walls seemed to close in on her. Level Three. Level Four. Level Five. The lights started flickering erratically. Level Six. Level Seven. Level Eight. Taeyeon ran out of the lift, bumping into Sooyoung who was just on her way out.
Taeyeon's face was drained of colour. Concerned, Sooyoung put the back on her hand on the later's forehead. No fever. After advising Taeyeon to quickly shower and head to bed, the shikshin continued on her way to the convenience store to buy more pepero.
Plonking her bag and her laptop on her bed, Taeyeon headed to the shower. The solace that the warm water usually brought was lacking. She didn't feel relaxed but instead felt more tense as the minutes passed by. Wanting to forget the events of the day, she quickly dried her hair and laid down. Closing her eyes, she prayed she wouldn't get another nightmare and drifted into dreamland.
|| 3.09am Taeyeon's bed ||
Another scream. Taeyeon sat up on her bed, breathing heavily. Once again, she didn't know why she screamed, nor could she remember what she had dreamt of. Sooyoung flew in through the door, panicked.
"I thought we were getting robbed." the shikshin joked while rolling her eyes.
Taeyeon forced a smile.
Concern slowly spread across Sooyoung's face. The tall girl sat on the bed next to Taeyeon and asked her what was wrong.
"Nightmare." Taeyeon choked out as tears started streaming down her face. She had no inkling of why she started crying, she just felt a sense of immense sorrow. It suffocated her, constricted her and eradicated all feelings, leaving only despair behind.
Sooyoung hugged her and let the shorter girl cry it out. After the wailing had ceased, Taeyeon wiped away her tears and thanked Sooyoung, dismissing her out of the room. Staring doubtfully, Sooyoung made Taeyeon pinky promise that she would call if she needed anything. Giving the tear-stained face another quick look, Sooyoung exited the room.
Taeyeon wasn't a weak girl. Prior events had long hardened her heart. She wasn't the sort to break into tears, neither was she the sort to suddenly shut down. But on that night, all she wanted to do was cry, break down and give up. She had been strong for so long, and the confusion brought forward from the previous day seemed to trigger a relapse.
A relapse of the mental state Taeyeon had after that incident.
/Flashback/
Ten Years Ago.
"You better run run run run run, ~~ Run Devil Devil Run Run"
The song that topped the charts for five weeks straight was playing on the radio. The two sisters sang along in unison while their mother attempted to sing along to it. Their father laughed and praised his two angels for their outstanding singing skills.
Taeyeon looked at her eight year old sister and smiled.
"Ya Krystal ah, Unni is going to treat you to-"
She never got to finish her sentence. The brakes screeched and the car swerved. White. Red. Crimson Red. Black.
Taeyeon woke up in the hospital two days later.
Her family was gone.
The incident shook Taeyeon's entire being. Sorrow permeated through her soul, effectively destroying every ounce of childish hope and love she once carried. The world that had seemed so welcoming before suddenly became a hostile, painful place. All she wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and cry. She wondered so hard, why, why was she the only one that had survived? Why? Why was it that she didn't die in the accident too?
From that day onwards, life no longer held any meaning for the ten year old Kim Taeyeon.
/End of flashback/
The white cellphone that laid next to Taeyeon's pillow lit up.
"You've got a message!" it chimed happily, completely oblivious of it's owner's deranged state.
The timely arrival of the message broke her train of thought. Taeyeon took a deep breath, inhaling courage and exhaling her despair. For the second time that night, she wiped away her tears and rubbed her swollen eyes.
Text
Unknown Number: Are you alright?
Taeyeon: Who is this?
Taeyeon closed her eyes while waiting for a reply. Before she knew it, her body relinquished it's command of her five senses and went on stand by.
The white cellphone lit up again.
Text
Unknown Number: J.
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