Day 6, September 12, 2010.

     “Seojin-ah, can you feel it? A tear fell on your eye earlier! Were you having a bad dream? Aigoo. I told you to wake up when you have one right?”

**

     Graduation Day. Everybody were on their smiling faces, since it’s the last day they will have to go to school at last, they’ll be in college. Less stress, they say. The fact that they won’t be wearing school uniforms, and they won’t be sent to POD for abiding the school rules, those made them happy. Really happy.

     The ceremony was over. Fortunately, those hardworking students got several awards, including Seojin. She was in the honorable mention line; and it was enough to make her parents proud, as well as Chanyeol, who was still dating her at the time being. Actually on that day, Chanyeol had his ultimate plan.

     He will ask her to be his girlfriend.

     Chanyeol excused himself from his parents’ side and approached Seojin who was being congratulated by a lot of people.

     “Seojin-sshi.” Chanyeol held her wrist.

     “Chanyeol.” She glanced at him for a while and smiled. “Can we talk for a while?”

     Seojin gave him a meaningful smile. She first looked at her parents, who were busy talking with the other parents in the auditorium. Thinking that she and Chanyeol will just talk for a while, Seojin agreed to Chanyeol’s request.

     The proceeded to a more quiet part of the place, the left wing of the school, just meters away from the hall.

     “Congratulations by the way.” Chanyeol said and genuinely showed a smile.

     “Of course, you should also congratulate yourself.” She replied and softly chuckled.

     It would be lame if he’ll congratulate himself in front of her, so he just let out a small laugh.

     A dry laugh which showed his nervousness. He should’ve just kept quiet.

     “Now what would you tell me?”

     That was the cue.

     Lots of words came into his mind. Damn it he was practicing his so-called speech before this day came.

     He wanted to say everything, “I want to hug you more. I want to hold your soft hands. I want to just be with you every day, without worrying who you’ll be with when I’m not with you. I want to leave love messages every minute on your inbox. I want to kiss you sincerely and make you feel safe and loved. One year was already enough to show my affection to you. And every day during that year, my love for you has grown as well. I love you very much, Kim Seojin. Would you be my girlfriend?”

     Unfortunately only the last sentence was articulated.

     Seojin’s smile faded. Chanyeol thought. She has the mutual reaction. Does this mean a YES?

     Seojin’s thoughts ran out. Now this time had arrived. But as always, she wasn’t prepared. She was confused. Unhappy at all. Her mother’s warnings came back in her mind, as well as Hyeyoung’s.

     “Your surgery will be in three months.”

     Three months. And for weeks she’ll be staying in the hospital for preparation.

     Tears well up on her eyes as she was trying to control them. Why would she have to decide if it’s yes or no when she feels the same way for him?

     Screw her life. Unfair. At all. So unfair for her.

     “I’m sorry, Chanyeol-ah.”

     Chanyeol, when he heard this, went speechless.

     He thought it was a yes. He really thought it was. He never thought she would refuse, everything she acts towards him in return, he thought they were all relatable. It turned out for him, she was just pretending, just not to make him discourage of her.

     Chanyeol was so taken aback that he was sure what he said was ‘sorry’ and not anything else. He’s too hurt to ask again what she said and pretend he became deaf for a while.

     “I’m sorry.” Seojin didn’t look at him in the eyes.

     Chanyeol felt his heart being squeezed. He felt himself, his body crashing on the ground. He’s hurting all over.

     That merry day wasn’t as merry as it seems for them.

     That night, Chanyeol was still bothered by the fact that Seojin said ‘no’ to his proposal. She was just surprised, he thought. Maybe she really wanted to say yes. Maybe she really wanted him. Maybe… she loves him too. He kept on calling her, but Seojin also kept on rejecting his calls.

     Finally, after the nth time, Seojin picked her phone up.

     They met at a quiet street, just few meters away from Seojin’s residence. Earlier, her mother didn’t let her go out in the late hours of the night, but because she insisted, and almost cried in front of her, she finally agreed. But it should only be 20 minutes. Well, for Chanyeol, he needs to travel for 15 minutes.

     When he arrived, Seojin was already standing near the lamp post, waiting for him, curling up in her jacket. It was a cold night. She felt cold too. Emotionally.

     Chanyeol hurried up and greeted her. “Sorry I’m late.”

     Seojin still showed her smile a bit, the smile Chanyeol loved the most. Finally Chanyeol will hear her side. Finally, he will know her side. Though this time, perhaps he’ll accept her rejection. He’ll fully accept it even if it’ll hurt him. But in the first place, he was already thankful for giving him the chance.

     “You see.. I can’t just.. say yes.” She opened up. She needed to say it now, so at least it’ll hurt less for her (that was what she thought). Less pretending. Less heartache, she thought. To top all of that, there will be a reason for him to stop loving her, and everything would be back to the way it was before.

     “Why?” he asked, his voice soft, but deep inside, he just wanted to rage in anger. But he kept his behavior well; he remembered, she doesn’t like people to get angry.

     “Am I not enough for you? Wasn’t my love enough for you? Or maybe.. you don’t like me at all..” he huffed for air, tears forming in his eyes. “Tell me, Seojin-ah. I’ll be glad to improve or change myself for you.”

     “You don’t need to change, Chanyeol-ah.” She mumbled. “All you should do is forget me. I’m worthless. You shouldn’t have wasted your time and love to me.”

     “You’re precious to me, Kim Seojin.” As he said that, he gently pulled her for a warm embrace. “I never think of you that way even once. I love you so much and I’m willing to spend my time with you. You mean the world to me, Seojin-ah.”

     “Thank you for that love, Chanyeol, but I think I really don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you.” Though it broke her heart into pieces, Seojin directly said it, despite the feeling. But it was a lie. Purely lies her mind made up to cover the real situation she has.

     “You’re my everything.” Chanyeol snapped, to which Seojin felt guilty. She just wanted to stay and forget everything she has to say.

     “Chanyeol-ah, I’ll be having my open heart surgery soon.”

     Open heart surgery.

     Chanyeol slowly released her from his embrace. Open heart surgery? What does she mean?

     “And I don’t want you to get worried at me, I don’t want you to be involved with my life problems. So here I am, telling you this so that somehow you’ll understand why I can’t be with you.” Seojin said while her eyes aren’t fixed on anything. She’s afraid to look at Chanyeol. Maybe he’s already dissing her. Maybe in an instant, his mind had changed. Maybe now he realized she was worthless.

     “I guess your silence means what I wanted to mean to you after all.”

     Chanyeol didn’t speak, he was comprehending. He wasn’t sure. He was confused. How the didn’t he knew?

     He recalled everything.

     He thought it was just her innocence that drove her to conclude she doesn’t like to watch movies.

     He thought it was really her hobby to stay in the library.

     He thought it was just really weird for her that she doesn’t like noisy places.

     Seojin has a cardiac disease.

     Realizing all of those things, he concluded.

     He wanted to take care of Seojin more.

     He wanted to spend more time with her. He really wanted to care for her. If only he could live with her, he’d be willing too.

     “I’m worthless, right?”

     “No you’re not, Seojin-ah.” Chanyeol cupped her small face and wiped her tears. “I’m willing to take care of you, Kim Seojin.” He planted a kiss on her forehead and wrapped his arms around her.

     Unexpected. Seojin didn’t think purely that the situation would result to this. She was really to break down. She was ready to go home with red and puffy eyes. She was wrong. It turned out she’ll go back home with those kind of eyes, because of joy.

     Chanyeol was the man for her. Chanyeol was really sincere towards her. Now, time has challenged him. Can he endure it? Will he stay after? He’s so much willing to take care and wait for the girl she loves. He’s willing to endure the pain.

     It is an undying love and forever it will be.

     It was a week later when they met again, and now, she was officially his, and he is officially hers.

     They’re official.

     Chanyeol was preparing himself for the somewhat special event on that day. He will be meeting Seojin’s parents. Well, not for engagement purposes (too early for that); he would meet them, to tell them that he knew about Seojin’s condition, but despite that, he would still love her with all his heart. He wanted to prove his sincerity and genuinity.

**

     “This is a good sign, Mrs. Kim. This is to show you that she’s currently recovering. However, it’s still uncertain if when will she wake up.” The doctor explained not just to the one whom he addressed, but to all those who listened to him inside the room, including Chanyeol.

     Chanyeol couldn’t hide his little smile.

     It was a big tear that slipped, and he witnessed it.

     She survived. Thank God.

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