Dear diary,

He said he loved me.

It’s been three days since that night. Chanyeol was drunk.  I was very happy when I heard him say he loved me. But the next morning, he told me he can’t remember a thing that happened. Now I don’t know if I should tell him what took place that night. What am I going to do? He’s my best friend and I don’t want to lose what we have now T.T

 

Baekhyunnie

 

 “What are you writing?”

 

Oh crap. A deep sultry voice boomed from behind. I jumped from my seat and quickly hid my notebook. Who wouldn’t be startled when you’re alone in a class room and some unknown guy starts talking in a raspy manner from behind you?  It wasn’t helping that the dark was slowly seeping outside. Maybe I was really alone in the room. Maybe the ghosts of the building are here to claim my soul. I shivered and held tightly on my bag.

 

I turn around and see Chanyeol. A sweaty Chanyeol. . This is one y ghost indeed. Sweat dripped from his hair and his cheeks were flushed from the heat. His black jersey clung close to his skin I could make out the outlines of his chest. Why should I see Chanyeol this way and at this time?

 

“Nothing”, I replied and started packing my things up. He went to his seat and fumbled for something in his bag. When his hand reappeared he was holding a towel.

 

“It’s not nothing. It’s a big deal ‘cause you’re hiding it from me.” He wiped his face with the cloth. “Shame on you, hiding things from your best friend,” I just rolled my eyes and continued packing my things. When I finished, I wore the strap of my backpack and aimed for the door.

 

“I’m going home. Something’s up,” I told him without looking.

 

“Not gonna wait for me? Ball practice will end in an hour.” he replied, discontent evident in his voice.

 

“Mom asked me to do..” I paused midway thinking of an excuse “..a thing”.

 

Uggh. Well better than nothing. Truth is, I’ve been dodging him since that night. I wasn’t so sure what to feel and how to act around him. It’s pretty hard actually thinking of things to avoid him since our schedules were almost the same.

 

I hope he hasn’t noticed.

 

“Why are you dodging me?” he asked, making me freeze.

 

He paused for a while making me more anxious. I turned back to look at him. The sun was setting and the first rays of orange were seeping in the window. All I could see was his silhouette and his bowed head. What’s worse was that he had his back towards me. I wanted to see his face. But I realized what I’m going to see would hurt me. He took something from his bag before he continued talking.  

 

“You know, I.. When I asked you to go out last night you said you were busy. ” He took out a water bottle and drank from it. “I always find you with someone and you just wave me off when I try to talk to you.”

 

He looked at me but I couldn’t see his face. His next words made my chest hurt. “I don’t know what’s up but you’re making me worry. What’s wrong? Why are you avoiding me?”

 

I felt like running. I looked away and found myself locking eyes with the floor. I knew it was unfair but he didn’t need to be reminded by that night. He might laugh it off or he might get awkward with me and I’m not willing to risk that. I know he’d rather not hear it so I took up my own judgment and smiled, still not looking at him.

 

“I’m not avoiding you. I’m just busy, okay?”

 

Chanyeol snorted and threw his towel at me. It landed on my chest before falling on the floor. “Busy my . Enough of this , Baek. You treat me like you’re my overdramatic girlfriend and it’s weird.”

 

I was stunned. But then I found myself laughing “You don’t even have a girlfriend,” I fired at him. “I know. So stop acting like one.” he answered back while zipping his bag shut. He met me by the door and tapped on my cheek. He looked down at me and smiled. “You are not my girlfriend, okay?” He ran down the hall and managed a ‘see you tomorrow’ before disappearing.

 

When he was gone, everything was quite. I found myself picking his towel near my feet. For a moment I thought of the rumbling of my stomach and the utter silence in the room but my mind took me by my feet and threw me face first on the memory of what happened just a few minutes ago. Outside the orange has grown much brighter and it looked like the room was on fire. But it felt like any afternoon and the air was damp and lifeless. Uggh I just want to go home and bury myself in my pillows.

 

You are not my girlfriend, okay?

 

Ouch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I went home alone that afternoon just as planned. Students walked home immediately after the bell rang at 4 o’clock. Only those who belong in the sports teams and the few organizations remained until it gets dark. That’s why I was literally the only one in sight when I exited the building. From afar, I could make out the sound of whistles and squeaky running shoes that were utterly unnoticed from our classroom in the second floor.

 

Which took me back to what happened earlier.

 

Chanyeol’s confession didn’t really come to me as a surprise. It was true, of course and truly understandable considering the facts that one, I’m his best friend, two, he thinks I’m straight as an arrow, and three, he doesn’t know I feel for him.  

 

Back in seventh grade, I fell in love with a girl named Maria and oh she was the most beautiful girl I saw in my life. She had the galaxies in her eyes and the brightest smile I have ever seen. And when she sang, I could hear nightingales in the air just as melodious as the laugh she makes every time I tell her a joke. I swore to myself I would marry her.

 

High school came, she moved to another city and I lost the giddy feeling every time I remember the first time I kissed her on the cheek. You never realize you truly love a person unless you lose them. When Maria was gone, so were my feelings for her. And after three years, I was in love with another Maria.

 

But my new Maria came in the body of a handsome young man.

 

It was the first day of classes in third year. Our class room was buzzing with excitement. I was catching up with Kai and Luhan who were out of town during the summer.

 

“I heard you got into trouble,” Luhan shot at us as soon as soon as he arrived in the room. But it was clear the probing was not intended for me.

 

“What was that again? Pretending to be an 18 year old to enter a strip club?” Luhan continued with a smirk on his face. Kai groaned and buried his face in his hands. I just looked at them astounded.

 

“I had too much to drink that’s all,” Kai answered with his face still behind his hands. Luhan laughed. “Well I guess it’s more fun than being caged at home,” Luhan looked at me. This time the attention was definitely for me.

 

I rolled my eyes and fired back, “I had no choice. Mom signed me up for singing lessons.”

 

This time Kai butted in. “What’s singing lessons for when you already perform in half the cafes in town?” he said stretching his arms upward with a yawn.

 

He was right. I might have sung in three or four gigs the year before that. Mom had me do it. She was a part time singer. Mom and dad were in a band when they were younger and they brought the job even when they both became successful. They were happy about it. However, after they filed a divorce, I noticed mom didn’t sing anymore.  I guess mom wanted me to fill out the void father lost when she stopped singing.

 

“Mom wants me to enter college and take up music,” I announced and then looked at Kai. “Are you even planning to go to college, my friend?” I gave him the most annoying smile I could manage. He smiled back. “Go to hell,” he blurted out. Luhan and I laughed.

 

That’s when someone caught my eye.

 

 Well who wouldn’t notice? What entered the class room was an unfamiliar face. His aura spread as soon as he stepped inside. There were evident hushing and I swear I could hear girls swooning for him. He was handsome I must admit. He looked like a heartbreaker but the strength of his face was softened by the wide rimmed specs he wore, the reddening of his unusually large ears and the big toothed grin plastered on his face (he was literally bowing to everyone he passed by). But what set him apart was his unusually towering height. Jesus how could someone be that tall at his age? I was busy checking the new guy out when Luhan pulled his seat beside me.

 

“You know the newbie?” he asked me. I shrugged. Kai was too eager to join in. “Me neither but, hell, we need someone like him to sign up for the basketball team!” Kai said before heading towards the new guy who was now seated at the back surrounded by curious gossipers. All I could manage was to roll my eyes.

 

“Damn he’s so tall,” I said to myself. Luhan heard it I guess because he nudged my side with his elbow, a wide smile on his face.

 

“You better ask newbie for tips. You know, on how to be tall,” he told me before roaring in laughter. He really knew how to get me. One of my biggest insecurities, ladies and gentlemen, is my height.

 

“You’re not half as bad yourself, Lulu,” I wondered if he actually heard me. I never found out because the teacher came in and we all went to our respective seats. 

 

That’s how I first met Chanyeol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I kept walking while watching the sky. The sunset was brighter and more striking outside the classroom and it took me three deep breaths to fully convince myself I wasn’t actually dreaming. Around me, everything was busy. Honking cars, strolling people, open shops, and the occasional birds on the sidewalk. It was a bit overwhelming. But looking up in the sky, I saw serenity. I felt like I could stare at it for the rest of my life and, still, the magnificence will never cease.

The same day I first saw Chanyeol, was also the day I first talked to him. It was an afternoon like this. Luhan, Kai, and I were part of the group assigned to clean the classroom after classes; the first ever group of the school year to clean the class room. How convenient. Kai was rambling about the new guy all day. He told us his name was Chanyeol and he came from the city. His parents were both businessmen who often had to go overseas. Summer came and he had to live with his grandmother.

 

“And he plans on joining the basketball team,” Kai proudly announced while wiping the chalk marks on the board.

 

“That must be a big change for him,” Luhan commented.

 

“Maybe but he looked like he was handling himself just fine today,” Kai continued.

 

I wasn’t actually in the mood to gossip about the new guy because I was so pissed off to be assigned to clean on the first day. I had other plans. I was supposed to meet with my mom today. It was one of her rare breaks and we planned to go have fun this afternoon. The hospital life wasn’t so good to her. She always was assigned in night shift so that the little time she had at home was spent on sleep and preparing my things for the day. Today, she told me that we could meet up after class before her shift starts. The clock struck 5 o’clock and I just lost it.

 

“Okay guys I have to go now I’m supposed to meet my mom,” I announced and started packing my things.

 

“It’s okay Baek we got this,” Luhan said. I could hear Kai’s scowl but it didn’t matter. I had to go. “Thanks guys, lunch is on me tomorrow,” I said before dashing to the stairs. Mom and I planned to meet an hour ago, I felt like my heart was going to fall out any minute now. I was too pre occupied with looking for my phone in my bag when-

 

“Jesus Christ!” I slipped on some stupid bag that was placed on the lowest step of the stairs. I literally fell face flat on the floor.

 

“Who’s the idiot who decided to put his bag on the stairs?” I cursed to the world. I helped myself up and proceeded on picking my things up, obscenities threatening to come out of my mouth. I was on the verge of kicking the first person I saw when the most unexpected thing happened.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” It was the new guy, Chanyeol. His voice was deep and concern was in his eyes. He really is tall. I felt like David seeing Goliath for the first time. I wanted to ignore him but I thought I shouldn’t be hard on the new guy on the first day.

 

“I’m fine,” I told him straight-faced. It sounded rude. “Thank you for the concern though,”

 

He chuckled. He then decided to help pick my things up. When everything was back in to place, I thanked him and started to walk away.

 

“By the way, I’m Chanyeol. I..” he called out to me. I cut him out.

 

“I know. You’re the new kid in my class.”

 

“And you are?”

 

“Byun Baekhyun.” I shouted at him.

 

“Nice to meet you, Baekhyun. Hey listen.” I could hear his voice getting louder as the distance between us increased. “I.. That was my bag back there. I’m sorry.” he continued.

 

I froze.

 

“ you,” I yelled back at him. I had the urge to punch him but the urgency of the rendezvous with my mom came back. It wasn’t enough, but it was a good start. I could hear his laugh from afar.

 

Chanyeol, you idiot.

 

 

 

 

Remembering it now, I can’t help but smile. I never imagined that one conversation would be followed with a lot more. And day by day we grew closer until I realized, I even knew the food he hated or how he got the weird twitching of his eyelid. I was his confidant, and he was mine. But the closeness was too much for me, and little by little I found myself falling for him.

 

The night Chanyeol told me he loved me, it was the first time. And deep inside me, there’s a voice that kept saying – kept hoping – it wouldn’t be the last.

 

 

 

 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello to you who has given me the most precious gift of all - attention. I hope you keep reading through. Thank youuu!