-JONGHYUNS POV-

I always wanted to tell my own opinions and let everyone know how I felt but I still kept silent. There was none who would understand my mind, so it talked only to me. Everytime I said something how I thought, everytime there was someone with better ones. Every single time. Actually if I'm right, couple of times they maybe nodded for approval but then there was someone else. After that person opened his or my point of view was forgotten. Thrown into among of other rejected proposals. But no, I don't say a word to it, I don't have to.

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"Where you are, don't say you're not coming!" Key yelled and I had to keep my phone abit further away from my ear.

"I have things to do, I'm sorry," I pressed my head to the wall. My head hurted, it's like everything in your mind is too heavy to carry for longer. 

"And those things are...?" he sounded suspicious, for a reason.

"I said earlier that I have things to do, if you can't remember," I sighed deeply.

"No need to remind, I do remember very well!" his voice made my head hurt more, I really wanted to tell the truth. How much I would like to come to spend time with them. I just couldn't come up with right words to say. The pain banged my skull even more, the words that I should have said weighed too much. 

"Okay.." I said after waiting a few moments. Moments that made my heart sink even deeper into my chest. After that I didn't hear anything from another.

 I hung up the phone. Like it would be the easiest task to do.

And I fall further away from others.

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Facing the roof upon me, eyes closed, trying not to fall asleep and thinking the way to fix everything what would be possible to fix, to save. Was there something else left than my life's covers. Like a book which doesn't have words in it. And if there's words, they are someone elses. They are not mine, but I keep them as mine. The text is too neat to be mine, too systematic. In particular, too much sense.

I turned around and dropped my face slowly on the pillow. Now facing the soft material. Silently I waited, slowly breathing, counting breaths that I took. Forgetting the merciless world around me even it's always creeping somewhere behind the cage and a rusy lock. The same evil is messing somewhere in me. The bad in me was trying to get out of there, pushing it's hands between the bars and catching the air from the other side. Screaming and whining bad words and filling my head with them. I want it to stop.

So I puried my face even deeper into a pillow.

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I felt stupid, how I wish you could understand. I was like a little kid who wanted his attention, I was and I will be always that kid who cries because he can't get something what he wants. That child who you can't let alone or else there will be huge problems, broken toys, sad faces, all because of me.