Yesterday's rain flowed slowly, twisting on top of the road. It's not going to take long until it will flood and cover the whole street with wavy patterns. It had been raining non-stop for days but now, fortunately the sky was starting to come clearer. But for him it's not a luck. He doesn't want to talk about good weather with random people who couldn't come up with anything else to talk. If he could name one thing what he hated the most in this world it would be unknown people who want to talk about meaningless stuff. Maybe hate is still too strong word and it's more irritation than hate. No he didn't think that he had better ideas or talking topics but that's why he keep them for himself. 

Still, after these 17 years he acted as he was fully involved in his group of friends. No one noticed how year by year he had become more distant. Maybe you couldn't see it on the outside but inside his mind, everything was so complicated and hard to understand. His bestfriends probably thought that they knew him, always telling how they had been friends for so long that they can see through each others lying. Sadly he couldn't tell them how wrong they were. So he just smiled for an answer, everytime and everytime it tricked them. He was such a bad friend and he totally would hate him if he should be his friend.

Of course he cared about his friends. In fact so much that sometimes it hurted really badly to smile for them. They didn't deserve his fake laughs and smiles, they deserve a good friend who you can trust in every situation. Without even saying he knew that he wasn't that kind of friend, not at all. How bad it hurted when his friend told that his sister died and it felt like nothing for him. How badly he wanted to feel sad and broken for his friend. No, he felt guilty because he didn't feel anything. It was like weather report to him.

He couldn't even bring himself to tears when his grandmother died years ago. Not even a single tear or a sad word. Was he this heartless before, was he born like this or what made him to act this way like he didn't mind. In reality he mind too much to say or express it. He just went with others, mimicking their emotions, interests. He would say that he lived the lives of others and was drowning in it. 

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-JONGHYUNS POV-

"," I cursed accidentally out loud when I noticed that everyone was staring at me. 

"In your pants probably, judging by the look on your face right now," Key was the first one to open his mouth.

"So are you coming with us?" Minho asked after throwing a judging eyes for Key.

"I think I'll quit this time," truthfully I have no idea what they are talking about.

"Come on, it's gonna be fun!" Key whined.

"I have things to do at home and I'm not sure would I really enjoy being...there," I wandered word to another.

"Since when you haven't liked football .....?" Minho laughed.

*Maybe since I had to start making excuses so I can be alone for a while* I wanted to scream to their faces but why would I say that to them. It wasn't right thing to say and actually I don't want to say that to them either. It's how I feel not the way I want to feel..sounds stupid but as in love, you can't choose who you will start to like or love, you just do and it's okay. This thing was just different from love, is it okay to want to be away from your friends. I don't know.

"Maybe later then?" I didn't want to be a letdown for my friends. I can always come up with new lies...like there's not enough of them already. I laughed loudly to support my words that just slipped.

"Haha it's a deal then you little dinosaur!" Key playfully poked me with his elbow and grinned. Nodding my head I accepted the offer and then I slid back into my thoughts. Corner of my eye I realize that Onew was all quiet and looked worried. I have to ask if everything is okay with him.

"Guys I think I'm going now..see you later then," I get up and hurried away. Right away the same bad feeling came over me, I felt sick.  Not the way you feel sick when you have a fever. It makes you blind and wants you to give up on everything, your dreams and hopes, simply everything you thought you already reached.

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I haven't checked the grammar yet but I'll do it later so no worries. :) 
I wrote this just quickly so the quality ..
See you soon!

-blankpaper