-JONGHYUNS POV-

The phrase "the home is where the heart is" does not really work in my situation. Sometimes I need to think do I even own a heart, it feels so cold inside so maybe it's frozen. Secondly I have no idea do I really love these people around me or is it just as fake as everything else. No, I don't hate them and yes I think I do care about them somehow but is it just my mind playing games with me? I have no answer for that. Everything just spins messily around me and I need to try to catch the right choices from wrong ones. When I look back my past life I haven't managed to do it very well. Why I haven't changed? That's an incredibly good question. I'm in a state of unawarness, it's the place where I wake up in the mornings and drop asleep during the night and yet I haven't found a way out.

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When I wake up the sun is already risen higher than it should have. I have a feeling that I lost something or I'm late but I couldn't certainly pinpoint why or what it was. On the other hand I've always been a bit too late in life so this isn't anything new for me. Casually walking out of the hospital pure white rooms directly to the street I can see clearly the impurity of the world everywhere. In me, in a person who just walked past me, in buildings which are just dark shadows around us. I'm afraid of these shadows, they make the city much gloomier. As I walk through the crowd listening how all the voices becomes an one melancholy disorder I get how much I hate all of this. There's noises everywhere and every passing person seems to be too far away to reach. Their eyes go through you like you aren't there at all and you feel like they would walk over you without them noticing it. 

My mind is still burry but the chilly breezes are like a wake-up call. I'm detached from the other world, someone could just grab me and toss away from the game board when they get enough of me. That is how it goes, we can always be replaced. So maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if I dissappear and my friends will find someone else to replace me, there's many people out there and my friends are kind in my opinion. It's more than possible. I don't know how I react to this information that I created in my head or could I really deal with it. I have no talent of thinking future, mine or anyone else. I live in this moment, change my mind in seconds and forget promises that I've made when I get a new plan. I'm a difficult person to be with.

I turn to watch side roads that leads to dark alleys. Maybe there would be a corner to hide myself. There's people living in those alleys day after day and still some of them hope for a better tomorrow. At times those suspicious streets seem appealing to me, would it be the way to escape or just a bigger step closer to the end. It doesn't matter I'm too coward to give it a try. I earned a couple of stange look from people after standing still in front of the side road. 

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"So there you are!" to my horror I heard the voice from the very last person who I wanted to meet. Slowly I turned around wishing that it's just a mistake. But no, not in a world I could have a good luck in life. I made a several escape plans but what's the use when he would understand that I'm just running away from him. I just needed to face him. 

"Yea, so it seems," I smirked, trying to take deep breaths without him noticing.

"Don't throw that mask of yours on me, we need to talk in some point," Onew sighed.

"Oh really, it will probably as rewarding discussion as the previous one," I said still keeping the smile on my face.

"It's up to you, come on, please," Onew tried and I was able to sense that he was going nuts in his head.

"Right..and what this will help if I come along and sit silently when we are killing each others in our minds?" I asked jokingly.

"You won't sit silently and are you always killing me inside your head, how nice from you!" Onew said and I wasn't sure was he joking or not. 

"Well..mostly and thank you," I mumbled.

"Because I'm not doing that for you." This made me think was he even angry. Maybe not or then he was good at hiding it which wasn't that hard to believe since he was smart. I didn't have much to say at this moment when I was taken to the nearest cafe. 

"Let me go, Onew are you joking or something?" I tried to stop him.

"Haha me, I'm definetely not joking, you are the one who does it!" Onew opened the heave door of the cafe and pushed me inside, pointing the table where I should sit.

"I can sit where I want to and walk on my own for you to know!" I tried not to yell. 

"Sometimes I really think can you?" Onew said questioningly when he sat next to me. The cafe was quiet, old-fashioned and even a bit spooky. Not that kind of place where I normally would be. The lamps where hanging low giving an yellow light and the atmosphere was dusky as hell. But it was calm...nearly relaxing.

"You know what...you won't understand even if I try so let it be." Did he really expect me to open up after many years and act like it's my everyday hobby to tell my problems to him. No I don't think so.

"Ofcourse i can't understand, we both now that. I'm not you and you are not me," Onew looked me funnily, at that moment I couldn't find anything fun about this but maybe after ten years I will laugh for this but not now. If I'm still here then.

"Why you then assume me to tell anything?" I pressed my back against the soft seat back. We were hide from other customers in the furthest corner.

"Because we play hide and seek..all of us. If you tell me, I'll tell you. It's fair enough." I don't know was he out of his mind or what he really meant but I didn't say anything. The whole sentence made me drop my smile but the staring continued. We just simply were there without single clue what to do next. 

"Give me some time"

He didn't give an answer just leaned his head on my shoulder and hummed softly. That moment the world wasn't there with us.

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Okay wtf. I even tried..okay I thought to make them more close to each others since I don't like them being mad and angry and I wanted some fluff. What I'm even joking the whole fluff part was probably one sentence..I deserve applauses don't you think xD?! (is that even fluff..fml. I don't know and I don't care because now I have a chapter that ends up more comfortably). Well we will see, hopefully soon! ^^

Thank you for reading, commenting or whatever you are doing here. I appreciate it anyway.

HAHA AND I FORGOT TO TELL WHAT'S WRONG WITH JONGHYUN xDDDD. I'M DEFINETELY A BAD AUTHOR! Yup and I'm lazy so mistakes are extrimely possible and well..hope you liked.

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