-JONGHYUNS POV-

We both sit silently as we would wait someone to continue talking. Truthfully I prefer not to talk about myself or my feelings. There's no reason for that. Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not ever. The silence isn't awkward, but far from comfortable, like it's blaming us for the inability to talk to each other. My head repeat the same sentence: "You idiot, why don't you even try?" It took a while before Onew clearly got tired of being quiet.

"Do you think I'm stupid enough to take your bull?" Onew's quiet voice echoed in my head. He wasn't angry, more like disappointed. I don't want to hear this, not hear this pity towards me.

"No, I don't," I whispered, staring the floor. I needed to reply something. Did he know all this time?

"Then you maybe can tell me"

"Tell what?" I asked even I knew very well what he wanted to know.

"The truth, for once Jonghyun," Onew said with emotionless tone.

"The truth..." I laughed lightly. The whole word was ridiculous, I didn't suit for me. There was not a thing as truth in me. 

"," I heard his voice.

"Exactly, that's what sounds more like me," I snorted.

"Why you don't talk to us, the others might not notice but I do. Don't you trust us or don't you just know how to tell. Whatever is it, I'm here now," his gaze was piercing.

"There's nothing to talk about, I'm fine," I tried desperately disappear under his staring. His eyes following mine, until I let our glares meet.

"You are so hopelessly trying to save yourself and ignore it all, am I right?" he asked.

"I'm tired of your nonsenses," I smiled lazily.

"Why you even try to cover it up, it will bury you even deeper," I wanted him to shut up and run away like I do everytime when I'm in an uncomfortable situation.

"Shut up, ing SHUT UP!" I yelled at his face.

"Jonghyun, everybody lies" Onew said calmly, ignoring my yelling.

I didn't want to listen him any longer.

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Within seconds I'm away from his room. Far from his house, without looking back. I want him to go away, move away and never coming back. I don't need his wise words. I still have some sanity left in me that I know he was right. I don't know if he's ever been wrong.

I feel how my eyes are burning and leaking from running against the wind. I want to throw up all the memories, all the words I heard him saying. It makes me sick. What if I would tell you, would you watch me differenly? I know there's many things I would like to tell but I'm too afraid to allow others see my mind. It makes me easier to hurt.

I walk around the city, trying to make my mind where to go. It's especially quiet today, just some cars passing me, most likely coming from bars. I don't want to go home tonight so I end up being infront of the hospital. I still need to sleep somewhere and I'm not going to sleep in a random thicket so this was the safest place and IF something would happen help is as close as possible. 

I get a place to sleep easily when I lie to them I don't have money to go home nor friends living near. So how they could put me sleep on the streets, they would look heartless infront of others. All of us are afraid of being judged.

"Home sweet home," I grin to myself as I spread the blanket on the tough bed.

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Through the nigh I turn around on the bed and try to close my mind from thoughts. Now I notice that my whole life was just trying after trying. Usually this so called trying end up failing so why even try anymore? This whole life just makes me crazy.

The moon covers me protectively when I finally fall asleep.