Dear diary,

Well, this day . I can't believe I was looking forward this this day all week. My first actual date with him, and whoa, one of the worse I've been. It wasn't that bad actually, it just felt like...nothing, absolutely nothing. I felt nothing. He was acting pretty awkward, but I can't blame him for it. It's an experience, I guess. I just really want to talk to Amber. WHY ISN'T SHE PICKING UP HER GODDAMN PHONE? ARGH Maybe I should just go to her house or something like that. Unless she is really upset at me, but I don't remember doing anything wrong....well, I guess she does has a reason. I feel like a , I should really go talk to her. Maybe I'll ask Sulli to give her a message, but then she is probably busy with Taemin. Why did he have to come? Ever since he came, with his friends, things just got really complicated. Amber doesn't want to talk to me, Jonghyun is also ignoring me, and Jessica is too. Why must all those important to me have to ignore me? It's not  like I could talk to Sulli or Luna about it because Sulli is spending most of her time with Taemin, and Luna is always with Amber. 

I feel like an outcast all over again. 

I thought things would change for the better, so why do I feel worse than before, when I had no friends and spent all my time alone. Maybe this time I became to attached with them. I should start being cold again, isolate myself from everyone else. Maybe I should move back to America, but I don't know if mom would want to go through all that trouble again. And, I'll miss everyone, but would they miss me? I guess Sulli would, since she is so nice and kind. I have actually grown close to her, something I didn't quite expect. It's just sad that after Taemin dropped the bomb about his town falling apart and how everyone there is looking for a new place to live in, so he and his friends would be moving here, Sulli started hanging out with him more, forgetting about the rest of us. I guess they need to catch up for the lost time.

Its weird, the last entery in this diary was was a year ago, before I met Amber and Jonghyun. I guess I never really neeeded something to go off to after I met them, since there were always there for me. God, how I feel terribly upset. But, Jonghyun shouldn't be ignoring me, or wait, was I ignoring him? I guess I can't recall because at the end, we were both ignoring each other. Maybe I should go talk to him soon, hopefully I wouldn't need this diary ever again.

Love, hopefully for the last time, 

                                                Soojung