It took quite a while for Kris to fall in silent and digested all in which was going on a few hours ago, when he saw his beloved Kyungsoo smooching to Suho. And afterwards, he cried precisely. He never felt hurt this since he was a kid. He has always been the strong Kris, resilient and won against anything. He was destined to get what he wanted.  

            But since the beginning he knew that to get Kyungsoo’s heart and attention would not be that easy. But he never imagined that he would be in a situation where he must surrender. He realized that he was the one who brought Kyungsoo to New York to reignite the spirit of Suho’s life.

            He knew very well that Suho did not have much time, but what about him? Did he should pass through his days with seeing Kyungsoo and Suho together? He has many friends, he has parents, he has a family, and foremost he has Kyungsoo. Meanwhile Suho? He was alone in this world, even when he was in pain, nobody came to see him.  Did he have the heart?

            Having reconciled with his own heart and mind, he established himself to act as though he was never saw anything. He continued to visit Suho on the next day carrying breakfast. He saw Kyungsoo still sleeping on the couch while Suho can’t be seen anywhere.

            "He's being examined."

            Kris turned. Tiffany smiled feebly to him. Kris squinted. “As early as this?”

            Once again, Tiffany smiled weakly. “He compelled to watch the stars for an hour on the roof, along with Kyungsoo. Despite it’s forbidden, but he did not resign, he kept pleading by saying that he would not ask for anything more afterwards. "

            “Don’t tell me he got worsen.” Kris guessed impatiently.

            Tiffany sighed. “That's the the fact. The wind of night isn’t good for him. I've said it but he didn’t care. He said, at least he can do what he likes before he left. I do not know.. I can’t refuse..”

            “Don’t let him know.” Kris said, glancing at Kyungsoo who was still fallen asleep. “Or he will feel guilty for the rest of his life..”

            Tiffany blinked her eyes. “Take it easy. I'm not going to say anything.”

            When suddenly Kyungsoo was writhing, Kris hissing through the corner of his lips, “Dismiss.”

            “Hi gorgeous, how was your sleep?” Kris approached his boyfriend’s sofa and sat down right beside Kyungsoo’s head.

            Kyungsoo lifted his head and put it down on Kris’ lap. His small hands hugged Kris’ lap and re-close his eyes as he smiled. “Good. I have never had nightmare before unless when you’re gone for months. As long as I’m yours and you’re nearby, I can sleep tight.”

            Sometimes, Kris couldn’t believe if Kyungsoo was in love with him, moreover since he found himself staring at Suho and Kyungsoo when they shared a kiss last night. But Kyungsoo will always like this, comfort him with his spoil act, with his lovely doe eyes, with his soft voice that sounded like a lullaby.

            “And what if I decide to go once again?” Kris teased with a smile.

            Kyungsoo pouted his lips. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you ever have a thought to leave me or I’ll kill myself!”

            Kris the latter’s head. “Don’t do that, Suho needs you.”

            “But I need you!” Kyungsoo said stubbornly.

            The conversation stopped once Tiffany came in and pushed a wheelchair with Suho sat on it. Suho looked paler than before. It made Kris and Kyungsoo stood up instantly with a huge worry mark on their faces.

            “How was it?” Kris asked.

            Suho shrugged. “Everything was fine. I just need to rest more and take my medicine on time. That’s all”

            Everybody knew that Suho just lied to make everything seemed fine but everybody in that room also knew that even though he forced to smile; he can’t repel the sadness on his face, especially when his eyes met Kyungsoo’s. Unexpectedly, Kyungsoo’s eyes emitting the same bleak.

*

            Suho’s conditions worsen after several weeks. Even the medicine can’t prevent that deadly disease. It made Suho got weaker day by day and the effects made Suho looked like undead: thin, weak, and pale. He’s dying.

            Kris and Kyungsoo did their best to save Suho but according to Doctor Lee, his time was close. Very close. Suho did his best also to fight against his cancer but his effort seemed nothing.

            Kyungsoo has never left Suho’s side. As per Kris’ approval, he can stay in the hospital and accompany Suho in case he needed help. Kyungsoo even quit his job only for Suho. He was his priority.

            “Hey.. What are you thinking right now?”

            Kyungsoo turned and formed a false bright smile on his face. “Nothing. I’m wondering if this spring would be great for three of us. We’ll see the flowers blooming along the road and everywhere, waiting for the spring rain in the afternoon while enjoy our ice coffee..”

            Suho just smiled. He knew exactly that he won’t be able to see the spring like what Kyungsoo said. Without got information from the doctor, he already knew what was left. Neither a month, nor several weeks. He can count the day left. He can die anytime.

            “Kim Joonmyeon-ssi?”

            A tall guy dressed up in suit standing by the door, looking at them with respectful smile. Suho smiled weakly as he permitted the guest to come in.  He turned to Kyungsoo and said, “Can you leave us alone? I really need to talk to Mr. Jung.”

            Kyungsoo looked hesitate to leave them. Who’s that man? He’s a Korean, indeed. But What was he doing here? But Suho seemed like he won’t share anything. He gave up. With some heavy steps, he left the room.

*

            “He’ll be okay. You have to trust the doctor.”

            “I agree. We do worry on him but we can’t do anything except hope that everything will be fine.”

            Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol were there, holding both of his hands and supported him with comfort words. Kris brought them there so Kyungsoo got companies. He thought, his boyfriend would need his best friends that time.

            Suho got treated intensively due to his condition. It seemed like there’s no more hope in his life. He’s totally dying. He can’t even spoke properly and hard to open his eyes longer than usual.

            Doctor said he can pass away anytime soon, making Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Chanyeol spent the night at the hospital. But they were waiting outside the room.

            Kris was inside the room, holding his new best friend hand tightly. The room which was painted in white has enough spaces for more sofas. Suho lied down on the bed with some screen with confusing shapes moving up and down, right behind him. Suho just finished took his medicine. It was 5 am. He slept alredy but awoke all of a sudden, and looked like too tired to continue sleeping.

            “Kris..”

            “Don’t talk. It’s time to sleep.” With sleepy eyes, Kris cut him off.

            Suho shook. He then continued talking in whisper, “I have.. something.. to confess..”

            “We have a time called morning. You need to sleep now. In several hours, you will be tired due to your full medication.”

            Once again, Suho shook. “There’s no more.. time left.. You need to.. listen.. Kyungsoo.. Where’s Kyungsoo..”

            Kris rose then approached the door to find Kyungsoo. “He wants to talk to you. Come inside.”

            Kyungsoo bit his lips. Honestly, he afraid to meet Suho. Afraid if he’ll see the latter in pain, dying while waiting for the dead. He shook firmly.

            “Soo.. Baby.. Please, he needs us. Come on..” Kris invoked.

            Kyungsoo was still standing in hesitate even though Chanyeol and Baekhyun did the same with Kris, ensuring him that everything we’ll be alright.

            “I’ll be there with you no matter what. I promise. Come on Soo..” Kris protruded his hand.

            A weird strength filled into his bodies all of sudden. Steadily, he took Kris’ hand, grasping his fingers and followed him inside.

            “Hey..” Suho accosted. “Sorry.. I have to.. tell you..”

            “Don’t force yourself to talk! You know it’s hard for you to talk or even breath!” Kyungsoo spoke hoarsely.

            “No.. I have to..” Suho persisted. “Listen.. I’m sorry..”

            “For what?” grains of tears clouding Kyungsoo’s eyes.

            “And thank you..”

            “That’s what friends are for. No need to say thanks.” Kris added. “We sure that you’ll do the same if me or Kyungsoo were you.”

            “I do.. But I won’t.. Allow myself.. to fall for my friend’s boyfriend..”

            Kris’ heart just sank right away, shocked with the words of Suho.

            “I love you, Kyungsoo.. Since the first time I saw you.. Even now.. I’m still in love with you..”

            Kyungsoo has tears on his eyes already. They spilled down like the rain in a drought, painful.

            Suho smiled. “Ah.. Sunrise.. Morning has come..”

            The sheen of the morning sun was coming through the window’s sills. The golden light of the sun fell right on Suho’s face, shone on his handsome face.

            “If I die now, I won’t regret anything.. I’m leaving this world.. Surrounded by the best friends of mine..”

            “Don’t.. Don’t say that..” Kyungsoo cried as he grasped Suho’s hand. “Don’t leave us.. Don’t leave me..”

            Suho spilled down a tear to hear that. “Sorry Kyungsoo.. I have to.. I don’t wanna leave, but heaven’s gate doesn’t want to understand. I..”

            Suho can’t continue his words, his lips sealed with a kiss by Kyungsoo’s. “I love you..”

            It’s enough. Kyungsoo’s confession meant a heaven for him. He didn’t want to ask for more. Suddenly he knew.. He’s ready. Ready to leave.

            Suho smiled sincerely. “Thank you.. Kyungsoo.. Kris..”

            After he mentioned Kris’ name, the screen behind him showed a green line with a long ‘peep’ sound.

            “No.. No.. Suho..! Suho..! ! Doctor.. Baekhyunnie, Chanyeol.. Get the doctor here!” Said Kris in panic. He tried to wake Suho up but the latter didn’t make any sign to respond. He kept smiling, like usual. The difference was he stopped breathing.

            Kyungsoo saw everything in silence. He can’t trust his eyes. He can’t trust on what he saw that time. Suho was still smiling as he staring at him. Although his eyes blurred with the tears, but he can saw Suho’s face. And he realized that after this, he won’t be able to see that face anymore.. Forever..

            He’s crying hard, crying over one of his best friends. Crying over a man who had given him some good memories. Crying over a man.. he loved..

*

            He touched the porcelain jar on the wood rack. It was made from the best material that decorated with beautiful motifs. It was one of Suho’s favorite. Next to it, there’s a frame with picture of Suho and his father. They looked alike.

            It’s been a month since Suho left. And everything was just like a dream. Within a week after he dead, they decided to bring Suho back to Busan, his hometown and made proper funeral as a final tribute to him right behind his beautiful house.

            Mr. Jung, Suho’s private attorney handed Kyungsoo a folder which contained of house, land and properties certificates belonging to Suho. At the first, Kyungsoo didn’t understand why he got that folder until Mr. Jung gave him another letter which states that the house was bequeathed to Kyungsoo. All of the land land and properties will be taken care of by Kris and the profits will be divided equally for the maintenance of property as well as to donate regularly to the cancer foundation in Seoul. While all the cash, deposits, and other movable property donated to a number of orphanages in Busan.

            Kyungsoo refused to accept them if Mr. Jung has never convinced him by saying that Suho only trust him and Kris to take care his belongings. The refusal could make Suho sad. The perfect thing to remember Suho and always felt close to him was being in his house, the house where he was born and grew up.

            With eyes full of tears, Kyungsoo accepted those folders. He’s still crying everyday. He can’t believe that Suho would leave him that fast. There were many things he had to say, there were many things he wanted to do along with Suho. But the time had never given them a chance.

            Kyungsoo grabbed the photo frame showed the young Suho when he graduated from high school. He looked happy and handsome. Once again, he’s crying while embracing the frame.

*

            Hi Kris, how are you?

            If you read this letter, I’m certainly not be with you guys.

            I decided to write this letter because I know; I got a shame to talk directly to you. And also scared at the same time. I'm afraid you're going to get angry and leave me. It’s the thing I feared most in the world. At first, I thought someone else who has a special place in my heart. However, in the end, I realized that ‘this’ someone is you, the best friend I've ever had.

            I feel guilty due to the presumptuously to love Kyungsoo. Trust me, I've tried hard to kill my feelings to him, but I couldn’t. Just by looking at him, my heart became calm. I would feel like everything will be fine. But at the same time, I also feel bad because he's not mine. But belongs to the most precious friend to me, you.

            I’m sorry, Kris.. But fall for Kyungsoo was beyond the limit of my ability. Please.. Please accept my apology. Take care of him well, because you won’t find another guy like him. You know, he loves you more than anything in this world. Once he told me, he wouldn’t survive if you're not around. Your absence that time made him suffered greatly. If you had never back to his life, he will definitely end his life.

At the moment, I knew that I won’t get his heart. It does always belong to you. He loves you too much. He even loves you more than himself. So please, don’t hate me for loving him. And forgive him if inadvertently he hurt you because of me.

            And once again, thank you for everything you’ve done to me. The most for being my best friend. Treasures couldn’t buy the goodness of your heart. For that, I will always pray for happiness. That's all I can do besides to look after you and Kyungsoo from up above. Don’t force yourself too hard, spend more time with Kyungsoo, have some fun. Enjoy your life which is still have bright future by loving each other and share love with others. You guys are good people. I will never forget you.

            Last.. Farewell my friend..

            With all the love I have,

            Suho

            Kris couldn’t bear the tears anymore after read Suho’s last letter addressed to him. He had read the letter three times, but to lose a friend wasn’t easy. He had never mad to Suho. As always he thought, he has everything, but Suho not. He even had time to think, if handed over Kyungsoo to Suho was the best thing for making both of them happy, he’s ready. Even though it would make him suffer.

            A pair of small hands appeared and made a warm embraced on his body. “Don’t cry, you make me sad.”

            Kris wiped away the tears and led Kyungsoo to move so he can hug him from the front. After, they fell in silence until Kyungsoo broke it.

            “It’s a month of tears.”

            “I know. Losing him isn’t easy, right? He is our best friend. It’s been a month since he left but ”

            Kyungsoo nodded. “I’m trying hard to let him go..”

            “That’s relieved. We have to move on. He needs some peace there.” Kris said as he staring at Suho’s grave at his house’s backyard, where they were that time.

            Once again, they fell in silence as they enjoying the beautiful scenery around. The spring has come. The flowers were blooming. The sky was bright decorated with clouds and the birds that fly in the air while singing merrily.

            “I love you, Kris..”

            “I love you too..” Kris replied as he kiss the latter’s head.

            “And I have something to tell..”

            “I know..”

            “How do you know?” Kyungsoo asked aghasty.

            “I was in the room when you told him you love him.”

            Kyungsoo turned and stared right to his boyfriend’s eyes. “I’m sorry for sharing my heart to him. It just happened. I wasn’t intended to do that.”

            Kris smiled. “I know..”

            “Don’t you angry?”

            Kris shook. “He was a good man and he deserved much love from anyone. Even if..”

            Kris’ words just stop spilling out when his lips locked by a warm kiss from Kyungsoo.

            “I love him and I apologize if this makes you sad.” Said Kyungsoo. “But you need to know that I love you more. If the one who dead was you, trust me, I will follow you. I prefer to be dead with you that have to face the world without you. To me, you are the world. And without the world, means I have no thing to live with.”

            And for Kris, it’s fair. He won’t ask for more with Kyungsoo in his life. He embraced the small figure in front of him warmly and landed a deep kiss on the latter’s forehead. He knew, their love would make everything alright. They just need to go through it. And suddenly, the spring looked more beautiful than ever before..

***