CHAPTER FORTY nine; cry

“I think it’s okay if you like Lara because you see In-na in her.” And then it hit me. I felt the same feeling when I found out that I was sick, like when Rose loses Jack forever in the ocean, like if a member would leave a group. Chanyeol’s statement made it clearer for me; when I see him with In-na, how it pains me when he looks at her because I know he’ll never look at me that. When at times he would mention how funny In-na is, when he would tease In-na during the times we were at cheerleading practice, when he would call In-na if I was busy and now it was easy for me to comprehend why he acts like that around her.

My body felt worse, it was in a bad condition enough and I didn’t know it could get any worse than this. But the pain I felt within my stomach and how I know I wouldn’t survive my illness that long, would never match the pain of how I’m feeling right now. I don’t know why I felt like this; maybe it’s because I feel used, maybe it’s the fact that I’m leaving this world sooner or later and this is what he gives me or maybe it’s because I know that no matter how much I try, I would never compete to a person like In-na. Baekhyun’s feelings for me, if there was any,  would never be as strong as his feelings for In-na.

Is this feeling the same as how Baekhyun’s ex-es feel when they broke up with him? My case would be less complicated because I’m not even his girlfriend yet I felt used already.

Not long enough till I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks, I tried not to sniff and silently walk away. It turned out successful, I reached the stairs and every step I take the more heavy my heart feels. The back of my hand was covering my nose as I sob in pain. His glances, his smiles and the way he hugs me felt so unreal now. How could he?

I took my final steps to the 3rd floor where I see In-na crying, she was tugging on a tall guy’s sleeve. I shouldn’t care about her business but she is my friend and we were both crying. Maybe we needed each other’s comfort although it would so wrong if I would bawl out my problem because she was involved.

I walked near them, In-na finally sees me but she looked back at the guy that she was holding on to. She has her own problem that’s why she didn’t take the opportunity to ask me why I was crying. My tears stopped rolling down, but they were stuck at my tear ducts. I could feel the sore and my stuffed nose. They were probably red at the same time.

“Don’t go… please…” In-na says with a weak voice and tears were travelling down her pink cheeks. Once I took a sight of who the guy, I realized it was Kris; her ex-boyfriend and now, her boyfriend again.  I blink, trying to understand the situation. The words “don’t go” would only mean one thing. He was leaving.

Kris faces In-na with his lips straightened and he takes her hand off of his sleeve. “I have to, you can’t do anything about that.” His cold words were as cold as how In-na used to be.

“Why won’t you tell me why you’re leaving? Why would you go off to Canada just like that and break up with me?” In-na was in rage, her voice sounds very angry and very sad at the same time. Her shouting made it possible for her whole face to get red. I looked around and every one in the classrooms where looking at the two. It was causing a lot of attention.

Kris faced away and started walking to his direction, hands in his pockets like the cool guy he is. When Kris takes his third step, to my surprise, and to everyone’s, In-na chased him and hugged him from the back. “You’re not going until you explain to me.” Her arms were shaky but they were tight enough to fight his grip on her arm, wanting her to let go him.

And finally, he faces her and cups her cheeks. “It’s my parents, I’m walking aw