CHAPTER Fifty; she knows, he knows

Sore, sting, ache; I couldn’t find the right words for it. My eyes were swollen, that is. It’s swollen enough to make it possible that I almost couldn’t see anything and any of my surroundings. My eyes are small but round, and it’s swollen form, it gets smaller. I checked myself at the mirror in the comfort room, analyzing how much I cried because of how swollen it is.

“I cried over a boy, wow.” I said faintly, talking to myself. I will never really understand Baekhyun, no one ever does. Even Chanyeol, his guy best friend, doesn’t understand him. I don’t know what to do; I can’t really face the truth at the moment. I can’t tell him what I know and what I’ve heard. But I can’t just bottle this up forever. I’m not going to be around for a long time; maybe I just have to tell him somehow and someday but just not today. I don’t want to die with hurt in my heart, no way. I want to die happily.

I opened the door, going out of the lavatory, I saw Luhan standing by the lockers with his hands in his pockets. “Oh,” I stopped walking. “You were waiting?”

He half-smiled and nodded. I was just standing there like an idiot and blinking.  He takes a few steps forward and grips on my wrist. “We have 15 minutes left before going to class.”

“And so what?”

He snickers and pulls me while he walks to the hallway, confident-looking. I just let him lead me, I trust Luhan and everything he ever did to me was be nice. Why didn’t I realize that earlier? Baekhyun probably blinded me. Stupid Baekhyun. And as expected, at a moment like this, Baekhyun caught us. He was right in front of us; his eyes were focused on Luhan’s hand that was holding my wrist. Oh, so now he cares?

“Well,” Baekhyun looks at Luhan’s eyes now. Luhan’s grip tightens, he intends to protect me and I’m willing to accept it. “Well what?” Luhan says, not even frightened.

Baekhyun tilts his head, his eyes were angry. I don’t even know why he’s acting like this when he can just tell me that he still has feelings for In-na. Always have and always will.  “Let go of her.” He says.

“No.” the guy beside me answers, straightforwardly. My eyes were locked down, looking at nothing but the cold hard tiles of the hall. “Lara, look at me.” I heard Baekhyun’s voice. No. I know where this is going. He’s going to see my swollen eyes and ask then I have to lie. But I can’t live a life full of lies; I’m not truly living my life if I would just lie to avoid any conflict.

“Okay, stop.” I had the guts to say. I shook my wrist off so Luhan would let go and I look at the both of them simultaneously. Luhan’s eyes were at Baekhyun but Baekhyun’s were at mine, his jaw dropped just when I looked at him. “Luhan, can you excuse us for a moment?” I said to him, holding his arm lightly.

Luhan nods once and leaves the hall, going downstairs. I remembered what he said about the 15 minutes so I plan to talk with Baekhyun much shorter than that. I would eventually cry at the end. This decision of mine, it’s going to break me into pieces and make me regret leaving the hospital but whatever, it’s too late anyway.

Once Luhan isn’t to be seen anymore, Baekhyun began. “Why don’t you come with Luhan, huh? If he’s just so good to you then go, I don’t care.”

I furrowed my brows at his attitude. He’s jealous. His words don’t hurt me but the fact that he’s jealous of Luhan even though he has feelings for In-na.

“What the hell? What were you doing with him? Why are your eyes swollen?” He finally asks. I snapped and shouted, “Stop!”

Baekhyun’s mouth closed and he stood straightly. “Just hear me out and hold your God damn tongue.” I said, angry and quiet flustered.

“Baekhyun, look…” I sighed. I looked around, not knowing the right words to start with. But when my eyes shift to him, he looked anxious and was in a deep thought, he wasn’t even looking at me. “I’m going to be honest here,” although I won’t be telling him anything but the fact that I heard his conversation with Chanyeol.

“This morning, probably minutes ago…. I heard—” I said but before I could continue, Baekhyun cringes, followed by a deep sigh. He probably knew what I was talking about and that was probably the only thing he talked about this morning.

“What did you hear? Everything?”

“Just the In-na part. Why? Did you talk anything else that would be this painful?”

He sighs again and looks at me. “Why were you eavesdropping? You could’ve just tapped me and tell me that you’re there. It was a private conversation.”

“Ah, so did I have to hear that maybe you still like Sojin too?” I got so angry that I started to have this attitude on him, which is the opposite of what I wanted. I really intend to just ask for an explanation and clear things out between him and I.

“Lara, stop assuming.” He says with a blank expression. “We were talking about past feelings, okay? Like how Chanyeol was scared of rejection that’s why it took awhile for him to ask Dae-mi out and how I was scared of liking you because I thought I liked you because I saw In-na in you but that was before. I really do like you for who you are. I don’t get why you doubt me.”

“You comforted In-na when she was crying… yes, I know you guys are friends but I was there too. I was there, all teary-eyed and depressed of what I’ve heard you guys talk about.” I said while crying my heart out. It feels like a big relief when I voice out what I wanted to talk about with him.

“Okay, that… I didn’t see.” He says and holds both my shoulders. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“Baekhyun… I like you—I actually love you, alright?” I say to him. “But… I’m tired.”

He stays still with his jaw dropped. Surprised at what I said, he was nearly speechless. “Wh—what?!”

“I’m tired of this, of whatever we are. Even if you didn’t see In-na in me, I’m still tired.” I said to him with a bit of a strained voice. I made sure to look at him in the eyes to convince him. At least in this way, he’d maybe hate me and avoid me. In th