6

Waiting to Exhale
Hi,every one,sorry for the super late update. The main reason was I'm not happy with the way this story is going on and I think you agree too.but at least I should finish it for my lovely subscribers and friends. So here you go.hope you like it.please tell me what you think.thank you very much. After taking a shower he felt so refresh and better.he went and lied on his bed and stared at the ceiling. That was why he liked weekends,he could do what he wanted and sleep any moment. He grabbed his phone and checked it,replied some massages and went to his play list and played a song.he closed his eyes. He was almost dozing off when his door burst open. He jumped and put his hand on his chest: "what the hell Wookie? what are you doing here?" Ryeowook smiled and said: "hyung, I came to fetch you for lunch. Come with me." Sungmin looked at him dumbfounded and said:"you?came to fetch me?am I your girlfriend or what? "and his laughter soon filled the room. Ryeowook pouted: "hyung don't tease me just come and eat,I'm starving. " Sungmin smirked and said: "what happened to you?are you pregnant or what? you are always hungry! " Ryeowook pouted more and grabbed Sungmin's hand and dragged him toward teria. They were laughing and joking around and as they arrived to teria, Sungmin had Ryeowook 's head in head lock.suddenly Ryeowook tried to free himself and squeaked: "hyung don't, he might see us!" Sungmin let him go and asked curiously: "who?" Ryeowook looked at the corner of the room and said: "the guy I told you about from last night." Sungmin smirked and grabbed Ryeowook 's hand and walked him toward the guy. He bowed his head and asked if they could sit with him.the guy nodded while was starting at Ryeowook. After a minute he shook his head and introduce himself: "hi,drunk boy,I'm Jungwoon, remember me?" Ryeowook blushed and خر. He murmured: "yes,glad to see you again. " Jungwoon laughed and started to talk to him more comfortably. Sungmin smiled and got up to get something to eat.after getting a sandwich, he decided to eat outside.he sat under a tree and took out his phone and played a song.he was going to eat when someone tapped his shoulder. he looked with so much surprise that he couldn't speak. "Can I talk to you for a moment please? "Kyuhyun said as he stared at him.
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Forest_pixi #1
Chapter 8: ok...where to begin...hmmmm

1. I think you should look into getting a beta reader to help correct and thereby improve your English. If you find a really good one you could work on expressing yourself better in terms of sentence structure, word choice, etc. ^^

2. Punctuation and Grammar. Use capital letters for the beginning of sentences. Separate individual speech during dialogue. It's not correct to write like this:

ex. SungMin said: "Hi....".

Rather you should try:

ex. "Hi...". SungMin said.

3. Formatting. Space out the text. Make use of paragraphing. Double space after a fullstop. Single space after every other type of punctuation mark. It makes reading easier.

4. Title and Summary. The title and summary don't match with the fic but as you said the fic didn't turn out the way you wanted.

5. Plot and characters. Spend some time working out the timeline, the events you want to occur, the reasons, etc. Build up your characters and make them fit into the story as opposed to just throwing them in. For example, I couldn't understand Min's character here. Why was he so abrasive, sad, opposed to making new friends, etc.?
Define the main character(s). If you can't commit to making a large number of characters an integral part of the story, choose two and make the rest side characters.

Also work on details. Describe the scenery, the character, the music, etc. so that you fic is more interesting. That's all I can think of right now.

What I liked? The idea that your going for and that you didn't indulge in POV switching.

Good luck in your other fics. Happy writing^^
chiaraa #2
Chapter 4: I think kyu insisted to stay not just because wook but because min.
Kyu actually jelly to min wook closeness~
Poko24Makashi #3
Chapter 3: Oh my! XD Here comes trouble! (Lol) Ryewook is drunk?! :OO I wanna see what'll happen in the chapter, he's probably going to have a terrible hangover! T.T Poor wookie~ but he's still adorable when he's drunk xD Update soon!
chiaraa #4
Chapter 3: woah~ min and wook really cuties~~
Poko24Makashi #5
Chapter 2: Ahh what's this? xD Kyuhyun smiled at the end, what does this mean? >:DD Lol our cutie, hyper Donghae had too much sugar and coffee xD Ohh~ I wonder what'll happen at the party :D Can't wait for your next update ^^
Poko24Makashi #6
Chapter 1: This is seems really interesting ^^ I thought Kyuhyun would be nice...but he acts like a jerk! D:< Lol Sungmin how are you going to live ^^; I hope you update again soon :)))
Back to Top ↑