8

Waiting to Exhale
"Kyuhyun slow down!where are you going? " Kyuhyun turned his head and smiled: "to your room. " "What?"Sungmin stopped and watched him with open mouth. Kyuhyun smiled and said: "what's wrong with it?" Sungmin crossed his arms:"everything! who invited you?" Kyuhyun rolled his eye:"oh come on Sungmin. Let's go and study and talk and have fun and some bull stuffs." They arrived there and after some rest they did their homework. But like always was some bickering and teasing ofcourse. Soon they were so tired.Kyuhyun rubbed his eyes and yawned and got up and… Dropped himself on Sungmin 's bed. Sungmin frowned: "hey what are you doing? go to your own room! I can't stand you anymore! Get up!" Kyuhyun gibberishly said: "yeah,like you said the truth! I'm so sleepy,let me be hyung, please. I'm your friend, you can't be like this with me!you love me" Sungmin sighed and defeated. He didn't feel like arguing and teasing the poor guy.but he can't let him to think that he won. "Just for tonight! and I swear if you kick,snore or drool I'll kick you out,understood? " A muffled "sir,yes sir"and he was on the bed too,ready for a good sleep.he thought it was good that the bed was big enough. He was drifting to sleep when suddenly a hand and a leg fell on him. Sungmin exhaled: "Kyuhyun get off." "No,you didn't say anything about this so be quiet. " This brat!he is really something! "Remember me again why I became friends with you again?" Kyuhyun chuckled: "turn over so I tell to your face." And Sungmin did as he was told. Kyuhyun smiled and said: "because … he pecked his lips …You love me." Sungmin blushed furiously: "you crazy ert bastard. " But he knew Kyuhuyun was right.he loved him. Kyuhyun grinned: "and ofcourse I love you too.you are so dumb if you didn't realised it." Sungmin pecked Kyuhyun's lips. Yeah he was so dumb And so head over heels for this stupid arrogant handsome. Yeah definitely in love with no other than him. So,finish for this story. Sorry it was boring or lame but it was my first story, so,yeah.and I want to thank my subscribers and my friends for their support and the readers.it was an honor to write for you and be friend with you.thank you all very much.
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Forest_pixi #1
Chapter 8: ok...where to begin...hmmmm

1. I think you should look into getting a beta reader to help correct and thereby improve your English. If you find a really good one you could work on expressing yourself better in terms of sentence structure, word choice, etc. ^^

2. Punctuation and Grammar. Use capital letters for the beginning of sentences. Separate individual speech during dialogue. It's not correct to write like this:

ex. SungMin said: "Hi....".

Rather you should try:

ex. "Hi...". SungMin said.

3. Formatting. Space out the text. Make use of paragraphing. Double space after a fullstop. Single space after every other type of punctuation mark. It makes reading easier.

4. Title and Summary. The title and summary don't match with the fic but as you said the fic didn't turn out the way you wanted.

5. Plot and characters. Spend some time working out the timeline, the events you want to occur, the reasons, etc. Build up your characters and make them fit into the story as opposed to just throwing them in. For example, I couldn't understand Min's character here. Why was he so abrasive, sad, opposed to making new friends, etc.?
Define the main character(s). If you can't commit to making a large number of characters an integral part of the story, choose two and make the rest side characters.

Also work on details. Describe the scenery, the character, the music, etc. so that you fic is more interesting. That's all I can think of right now.

What I liked? The idea that your going for and that you didn't indulge in POV switching.

Good luck in your other fics. Happy writing^^
chiaraa #2
Chapter 4: I think kyu insisted to stay not just because wook but because min.
Kyu actually jelly to min wook closeness~
Poko24Makashi #3
Chapter 3: Oh my! XD Here comes trouble! (Lol) Ryewook is drunk?! :OO I wanna see what'll happen in the chapter, he's probably going to have a terrible hangover! T.T Poor wookie~ but he's still adorable when he's drunk xD Update soon!
chiaraa #4
Chapter 3: woah~ min and wook really cuties~~
Poko24Makashi #5
Chapter 2: Ahh what's this? xD Kyuhyun smiled at the end, what does this mean? >:DD Lol our cutie, hyper Donghae had too much sugar and coffee xD Ohh~ I wonder what'll happen at the party :D Can't wait for your next update ^^
Poko24Makashi #6
Chapter 1: This is seems really interesting ^^ I thought Kyuhyun would be nice...but he acts like a jerk! D:< Lol Sungmin how are you going to live ^^; I hope you update again soon :)))
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