4

Waiting to Exhale
Sungmin successfully dragged Ryeowoon out of party.it was harder than he thought.Ryeowook occasionly sang a song or laughed without any reason.one minute he wanted to sit in the middle of corridors and another another minute he was skipping and dragging Sungmin with him.
Ryeowook was leaning on the wall and whined:"hyung so when we will arrive?I'm tired!I want to be there sooner."
Sungmin put his hand on Ryeowook's shoulder and said:"a little longer.be patient and we will be there soon."he was assisting Ryeowook to walk when somebody said from behind:"Ryeowook hyung?"
they turned around and were face to face with no other than Cho Kyuhyun.
Ryeowook giggle and said:"ok Kyuhyunnie!you want to come with us,too?hyung why didn't you tell me?"Kyuhyun cocked one eyebrow and asked:"what happened to you?where are you going?"Ryeowook giggled more and clasped his hands together."Sungminnie hyung promised that we'll have a lot of fun and he's bringing me there.isn't he so sweet?"
Kyuhyun turned to look at Sungmin.he was furious.he clenched his fists and hissed:"you what?"
Sungmin rolled his eyes and said:"chill out.come help me to bring him to his room firt.I'll explain."
"there is nothing to explain!he is already drunk and you want to take advantage of him.of course I won't let you!"
Sungmin grabbed Ryeowook's waist and started walking,but Kyuhyun came and stand in front of them so they had to stop.
Sungmin's grip on Ryeowook's waist became tighter:"oh yeah?so Mr.hero why don't you come with us to see it youself?you know he's heavy and anytime he can be unconscious."
Ryeowook pouted:"I'm not heavy!you are mean!"
Sungmin smiled to him:"of course you're not.now let's go."he started to walk again and with another hand he pushed Kyuhyun away but he could feel they guy was following them and soon he went to other side of Ryeowook and put his hand on his shoulder.after two or three minutes of walking in silence Kyuhyun asked:"so...what happened?"
Sungmin looked at him and sait:"nothing much.we went to a party tonight.I got a little distracted and when I found him,he was already drunk."
they arrived at Ryeowook's room.Sungmin turned to Ryeowook and said:"Wookie give me your key."Ryeowook shook his head:"no,I don't want to go in my room.I want to have more fun.hyung you promised me!"
Sungmin sighe:"but you need some rest.we'll have fun later,okay?"
Ryeowook clinged on him and whined:"no!I don't want to!you promised me.I want to have fun now."
Sungmin sighed:"okay,let's go have fun in your room then."
Ryeowook was searching for his key but suddenly stopped.
"but Sungminnie ,there is no blue drinkie in my room!"he pulled his hand out of his pocket and started walking.
Sungmin sighed in defeat and grabbed his hand and lead him.he took Ryeowook to his room and sat him on his bed.Ryeowook jumped a little on the bed and giggled:"Sungminnie it feels really fluffy and soft!"he jumped again up and down and with every move his giggling was getting louder.then he looked around and said:"but hyung why is it so quiet?play some music."and he jumped with more force.the bed was making some squeaking noise now.Sungmin massaged his temples and played some music on his phone:"better?"he asked Ryeowook who was continuing his jumping.he nodded and smiled.
"He has a lot of energy,doesn't he?"
Sungmin jumped and turned around:"oh I forgot you were here.yeah,he has."
Ryeowook was screaming the lyrics of songs and jumped with every word.he grinned to Kyuhyun:"Kyuhyunnie come and have some fun with me.it really feels good.come on,hurry up!"he stretched his hand and grabbed Kyuhyue and dragged him toward the bed.Kyuhyun couldn't control himself and fell on the bed with face.Ryeowook's laughter filled the room.as he was laughing he asked:"so where is the blu drinkie?"
Kyuhyun got up and sat down on the bed and pulled his hair out of his face:"what is he talking about?what is this blue...drinkie?"
Sungmin took a glass and filled it with water.he passed it to Ryeowook's eager hands:"apparently a spiky drink he drank at the party and fell in love with."
Ryeowook emptied his glass and his lips."delicious!but unfortunately I'm full now so maybe I drink more later?"he patted his stomach and sighed with satisfaction.
Sungmin chuckled and patted Ryeowook's cheek:"aren't you so adorable?"
Ryeowook grinned toothily and then yawned.he lied on bed and kicked Kyuhyun to make him leave the bed to stretch his legs.soon he fell asleep soundlessly.
Sungmin grabbed a blanket and pulled it on Ryeowook and stopped the music.
Kyuhyun put the glass on the desk and asked:"are you going to let him sleep here?"
Sungmin sat on the floor and leaned on the wall.he irritately looked at Kyuhyun:"of course.he is tired and drunk.he's sleeping peacefully.I don't want to disturb him."
Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and crossed his arms:"oh,how sweet of you!and where are you going to sleep?because I don't let you to sleep beside him."
Sungmin narrowed his eyes and spat:"who said you can walk around and order me?I was going to be nice but you don't deserve it.this is my room.get out!"
Kyuhyun shook his head:"so you can be alone with him and do what you want?no way!I'm going to stay here till he is here.I don't trust you!"
Sungmin got up and hissed:"I don't trust you either!you are really something Cho!I..."
"Sungminnie?"
Sungmin turned around and looked at Ryeowook who was watching with teary eyes.he sat up and murmered:"hyung don't fight.I'm sorry.I-I don't want to make you upset.I'm really sorry."and a tear rolled on his face.Sungmin hurried to his side and hugged him and rubbed his back:"shh wookie...don't cry.it wasn't your fault at all.I'm sorry for being angry.everything's okay.don't worry."
Ryeowook sniffed:"so you're not angry with me?"
Sungmin smiled:"of course not!he was going to stand up when Ryeowook gripped his hand and mumbled:"don't leave me!"
Sungmin helped him to lye on bed and said:"just try to get some sleep.I'm here.even Kyuhyun is here for you,see?"
Ryeowook looked at Kyuhyun and smiled:"of course he will be here when you..."
Kyuhyun cleared his throat and interrpted him:"hyung just go back to sleep.you look so tired.if you don't sleep enough you would look ugly!"
Ryeowook closed his eyes and pouted:"I don't to look ugly."and slowly drifted to sleep again.Sungmin pulled blanket over him again and got up to sit where he was sitting earlier.Kyuhyun also sat in another corner of room.Sungmin leaned his head on the wall and closed his eyes.
"you know him since when?"
he reopened his eyes and take a look at sleeping Ryeowook.
"since he came to this school I guess.one day he just came to me and said:I don't care if you are older than me or you don't me or anything!I just want to be friend with you and I will pester you till you accept.he always was following me between classes.during meal times and above all he was living a few next door...so I actually forced to be friend with him but he was really a good friend and still is.so slowly I got use to have him with me every where."
Kyuhyun chuckled:"yeah...that's just like Ryeowook...so you don't know him as a friend?"Kyuhyun suddenly frowned and looked at Sungmin with anger.
Sungmin rolled his eyes:" Cho!stop judging me for at least one second!let me finish first.no,he's my friend.actually he's nearest person to me right now.who are you to tell me what should I do?"his head was throbing hard,so he closed his eyes and rest his head on his knees.
Kyuhyun looked at him and tried:"I..."
Sungmin without any movement said:"don't.just don't.I don't want to talk right now.specially with you.you just give me headache."alcohol was kicking in and he felt really sleepy.
"spare blankets and pillows are in the left closet."he sighe and before he could understand what Kyuhyun told him he drifted in to unconsciousness.
 
 
 
 
 
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Forest_pixi
#1
Chapter 8: ok...where to begin...hmmmm

1. I think you should look into getting a beta reader to help correct and thereby improve your English. If you find a really good one you could work on expressing yourself better in terms of sentence structure, word choice, etc. ^^

2. Punctuation and Grammar. Use capital letters for the beginning of sentences. Separate individual speech during dialogue. It's not correct to write like this:

ex. SungMin said: "Hi....".

Rather you should try:

ex. "Hi...". SungMin said.

3. Formatting. Space out the text. Make use of paragraphing. Double space after a fullstop. Single space after every other type of punctuation mark. It makes reading easier.

4. Title and Summary. The title and summary don't match with the fic but as you said the fic didn't turn out the way you wanted.

5. Plot and characters. Spend some time working out the timeline, the events you want to occur, the reasons, etc. Build up your characters and make them fit into the story as opposed to just throwing them in. For example, I couldn't understand Min's character here. Why was he so abrasive, sad, opposed to making new friends, etc.?
Define the main character(s). If you can't commit to making a large number of characters an integral part of the story, choose two and make the rest side characters.

Also work on details. Describe the scenery, the character, the music, etc. so that you fic is more interesting. That's all I can think of right now.

What I liked? The idea that your going for and that you didn't indulge in POV switching.

Good luck in your other fics. Happy writing^^
chiaraa
#2
Chapter 4: I think kyu insisted to stay not just because wook but because min.
Kyu actually jelly to min wook closeness~
Poko24Makashi
#3
Chapter 3: Oh my! XD Here comes trouble! (Lol) Ryewook is drunk?! :OO I wanna see what'll happen in the chapter, he's probably going to have a terrible hangover! T.T Poor wookie~ but he's still adorable when he's drunk xD Update soon!
chiaraa
#4
Chapter 3: woah~ min and wook really cuties~~
Poko24Makashi
#5
Chapter 2: Ahh what's this? xD Kyuhyun smiled at the end, what does this mean? >:DD Lol our cutie, hyper Donghae had too much sugar and coffee xD Ohh~ I wonder what'll happen at the party :D Can't wait for your next update ^^
Poko24Makashi
#6
Chapter 1: This is seems really interesting ^^ I thought Kyuhyun would be nice...but he acts like a jerk! D:< Lol Sungmin how are you going to live ^^; I hope you update again soon :)))