Chapter 8: ok...where to begin...hmmmm

1. I think you should look into getting a beta reader to help correct and thereby improve your English. If you find a really good one you could work on expressing yourself better in terms of sentence structure, word choice, etc. ^^

2. Punctuation and Grammar. Use capital letters for the beginning of sentences. Separate individual speech during dialogue. It's not correct to write like this:

ex. SungMin said: "Hi....".

Rather you should try:

ex. "Hi...". SungMin said.

3. Formatting. Space out the text. Make use of paragraphing. Double space after a fullstop. Single space after every other type of punctuation mark. It makes reading easier.

4. Title and Summary. The title and summary don't match with the fic but as you said the fic didn't turn out the way you wanted.

5. Plot and characters. Spend some time working out the timeline, the events you want to occur, the reasons, etc. Build up your characters and make them fit into the story as opposed to just throwing them in. For example, I couldn't understand Min's character here. Why was he so abrasive, sad, opposed to making new friends, etc.?
Define the main character(s). If you can't commit to making a large number of characters an integral part of the story, choose two and make the rest side characters.

Also work on details. Describe the scenery, the character, the music, etc. so that you fic is more interesting. That's all I can think of right now.

What I liked? The idea that your going for and that you didn't indulge in POV switching.

Good luck in your other fics. Happy writing^^

Chapter 4: I think kyu insisted to stay not just because wook but because min.
Kyu actually jelly to min wook closeness~

Chapter 3: Oh my! XD Here comes trouble! (Lol) Ryewook is drunk?! :OO I wanna see what'll happen in the chapter, he's probably going to have a terrible hangover! T.T Poor wookie~ but he's still adorable when he's drunk xD Update soon!

Chapter 3: woah~ min and wook really cuties~~

Chapter 2: Ahh what's this? xD Kyuhyun smiled at the end, what does this mean? >:DD Lol our cutie, hyper Donghae had too much sugar and coffee xD Ohh~ I wonder what'll happen at the party :D Can't wait for your next update ^^

Chapter 1: This is seems really interesting ^^ I thought Kyuhyun would be nice...but he acts like a jerk! D:< Lol Sungmin how are you going to live ^^; I hope you update again soon :)))