Kyuhyun couldn’t believe from what he heard to Leeteuk. Sungmin is dying, but how? In only two months, but that was too short. How did that happen? As he remembered, Sungmin was asking him to be his boyfriend. Sungmin was happy when he accepted his offer. Sungmin was happy when he sends him to their house. Sungmin was happy when he kissed him. Sungmin was happy when he says sorry for what he had done to him. Sungmin was…crying because he hurt him.  Sungmin was okay right? But is Sungmin really okay?

Kyuhyun wanted to shout. He wanted to scream to release his frustration inside of his body. How? How exactly did that happen? When? Since when Sungmin have disease? Sungmin can’t be dying. Sungmin is okay. Sungmin…Sungmin is perfectly fine. This is a joke. Sungmin was taking revenge because he hurt him. This is all Sungmin’s plan. Sungmin wants to regret him for what he had done. No. It can’t be. Kyuhyun promised to himself that he will not cry anymore. He will not cry just because of Sungmin. But what is this?

Kyuhyun was now watching Sungmin. He was examining Sungmin’s conscious. Sungmin. Sungmin was lying at the white bed, wearing green hospital uniform. His eyes were closed, he was breathing normally, his lips were slightly apart, and his body was covered by white sheet of the hospital up to his chest as he lay, absolutely sleeping. Kyuhyun was crying as he watched Sungmin. His heart was now tearing apart into million tiny pieces. He hurt Sungmin.

…

Flashback

“How…how did that happen?” Kyuhyun asked as he entered at Leeteuk’s office.

“It just happened.” Leeteuk said plainly as he made his way to his swirling chair. He didn’t offer Kyuhyun to seat on his front. He will let Kyuhyun if he wants to remain stand up at his position or if he wants to seat. But to his surprise, Kyuhyun was shouting.

“This is bull!”

“It’s okay to curse. It’s okay to be bad. But what is not okay is to hurt my friend.” Leeteuk blurted out and faced at Kyuhyun.”Do you think it’s not hurt to me too everytime he was in my house and to see him crying hardly because all he can do was to leave you just because he doesn’t want to hurt you?”

“Doesn’t’ want to hurt me? But he already hurt me! He leaves me!”

“He left you because he doesn’t want to see you crying if you found out his condition!” Leeteuk shouted as well.

“Do you think it’s not hurt to me when he left me?! He was thinking about what to my feel if I found out his condition. But he was not thinking about what to my feel if he left me without saying goodbye!”

“Because he loves you…so much.”

“What…?!” Kyuhyun slightly gasped and asked in a low voice, almost asking his self. Sungmin loves him? What kind way of love is that? He didn’t bother to tell his condition and he left you without saying anything. He really not trusting you, how shellfish is that? Is that what you called way of love? Is that was Sungmin’s way of loving someone?

“Sungmin loves you so ing much that’s why he did that! He wanted you to forget him!” Leeteuk shouted as he banged his palms on his table clinic but he suddenly calmed as he remembered what Sungmin said to him. “But one thing he said to me that I can’t forget.”

“What…what is it?” Kyuhyun asked, his heart was beating loudly. Is he ready to know what Sungmin said to his friend? So many what ifs running on his mind but he couldn’t find the answer. Like, what if Sungmin never loved him? What if Sungmin has someone that’s why he left him? How possible is that?

Leeteuk watched Kyuhyun’s expression. He can sense this Sungmin’s lover was waiting him patiently to continue to what he wanted to say. He can sense this Sungmin’s lover’s mind was thinking of what he wanted to say. He sighed deeply and when he gave Kyuhyun a one last look before he continued, “He never regrets that he loved you and he met you. At least in his life, he experienced how to be in love with someone and he feels how to be loved by someone and that someone is…you.”

Kyuhyun froze after Leeteuk finished his sentence. Sungmin was happy when he felt how to be loved someone. Sungmin was happy when he experienced how to give his love someone.

How can he stupid for not to feel that when he was with Sungmin before? Sungmin was happy when he is with him. He was Sungmin’s first kiss. He was Sungmin’s first hug. He was Sungmin’s first holding hand. He was Sungmin’s…first love. How can he stupid to not see that?

Kyuhyun looked again at Leeteuk, he needs to know it. He needs to know what he should do within two months. He inhaled before he asked, “What…what is his disease?”

Leeteuk looked him back before he answered him, “You should ask him. I may be his doctor but I’m not right in position to tell you his disease. Because…because I want you to know the truth from him, not to me. Go after him.”

End Flashback

…

“Sungmin…are you…are you really dying? But…but why? How did that…happen?” Kyuhyun asked sleeping Sungmin as if Sungmin will answer him if he talked to him. “You know what, it’s more hurt. You left me Min…”  Kyuhyun finally let himself out the nickname he used to call to Sungmin from his lips. “…and it’s more hurt because you didn’t bother to tell me your condition. You kept me your secret away from me.”

Kyuhyun leaned forward, he touched Sungmin’s forehead and moved the strand hair on his forehead. “You know what…I may be bad person, but…” Kyuhyun cut off, he can’t hold himself; he finally broke down on his own tears. He can’t say the next line he wanted to say to Sungmin. Sungmin was his after all. Maybe Sungmin broke his heart, but one thing he can’t change; his love towards Sungmin.

…

Many days had passed and Sungmin was still not awake. Sungmin was still sleeping on the bed of the hospital and Kyuhyun was still visiting him. Hoping that someday, when he will open the door, he will saw Sungmin; sitting up and looking at him with a smile on his face. He wished that someday, if Sungmin was awake, he will forget for what he said to him. He wished this was happening will be over.

Everytime Kyuhyun visiting Sungmin; he always asked Sungmin, talking with him but of course, Sungmin never answering him. He was always bringing Sungmin a flower and fruits. He always holding Sungmin’s hands; kissed his forehead everytime he arrive and everytime he leaves Sungmin. Kyuhyun always praying Sungmin’s conscious. He wished that Sungmin will be fine. He tried talks Leeteuk, asking him what is Sungmin’s condition, what his lover’s disease. But the dimpled man, always shaking his head and gives him a stupid smile on his face. He tried asked Donghae and Eunhyuk but to Kyuhyun dismay, the two doesn’t want to tell his lover’s disease. Nothing he can do but to wait Sungmin’s awake.

The school’s bell rang. Saying, the class is over. Kyuhyun was packing his things on his bags. He planned to visit Sungmin on the hospital, hoping Sungmin was awake. But suddenly, a woman approached him. He glanced at the woman, Seohyun. He smiled when he meets Seohyun’s gaze. He senses the tense in Seohyun’s body.

“Hey Seohyun.” Kyuhyun greeted him.

“Oppa.” Seohyun greeted him back.

“What brings you here?” Kyuhyun asked Seohyun as he finished packing his things. He cling his bag on his right shoulder and faced right in front of Seohyun, smile was still there on his face.

Seohyun looking anywhere but to Kyuhyun’s smiling face. “I…I need to tell you something.” Seohyun tried to control her shaking voice but she couldn’t.

“For?”

“A-about my unanswered confession to you.” She tried to be brave in front of Kyuhyun. She took many hours before she planned to bring the issue to Kyuhyun. She doesn’t know what will turn this situation. But she was ready to accept what will be Kyuhyun’s answer. She heard Kyuhyun inhaling deeply. She tried to break his gaze to Kyuhyun but she couldn’t.

“Seohyun,” Kyuhyun started, he looked deeply at Seohyun, showing that he was serious of what will he be coming answer, “you are very good friend to me. I…I used you too.” Kyuhyun continued, he saw Seohyun’s eyes turning into confusion.

“U-used me?” Seohyun asked in low voice, confused. How Kyuhyun used her? She doesn’t remember that Kyuhyun used her. “H-how come?”

“I…I don’t know how to say this to you but I used you to take revenge on Sungmin. I know I am a bad egg. But…yes, I used you because I want to hurt Sungmin. I let you to do a skin-ship with me because I want Sungmin to see what you are doing with me and I am doing with you. I used you because I was mad at Sungmin because he left me. I know…from the first place, you liked me. But I didn’t show and didn’t inform you that you like me. And when you confessed me, I was not shocked but I acted as if I didn’t know that you like me.” Kyuhyun said in one go. “I know you hated me now. It’s okay with me if you want me to slap with your hands. I deserve that from the first place. I am really, really sorry Seohyun.”

Seohyun couldn’t breathe. She finally breaks his gaze to Kyuhyun when she heard Kyuhyun explanation. So Kyuhyun was not really like her? Kyuhyun was using her to take revenge on Sungmin. Seohyun couldn’t help but chuckled, make Kyuhyun confused to her action. She was looking everywhere before she looked back at Kyuhyun; her eyes were now having tears, starting to escape on her eyes.

“If I knew that you were using me. I didn’t let myself to believe that you like me back. I didn’t myself to think that what you were doing on me was not act. You…you are really a bad guy.” Seohyun said between her sobs.

“I know Seohyun, I know. That’s why I don’t want to hurt you anymore…”

“But you already hurt me oppa!” Seohyun shouted as she cut Kyuhyun off.

Kyuhyun wanted to taken aback but he wanted to finished it with Seohyun. If he would not do this, his conscious will eat up for hurting an innocent and kind woman. He already hurt and Sungmin and he don’t want to hurt innocent person anymore. It’s enough to he already hurt Seohyun, but he doesn’t want to hurt her anymore. Seohyun is kind, understanding and polite person. Maybe she was a sometimes, but Seohyun is not a bad woman.

“I will not ask you to forgive me. But, I hope someday, just someday you will forgive me. I may hurt Sungmin but he was still a part of my heart. He was the one I love and I need him for the rest of my lives. I hope…I hope you will find you’re too. He will come someday, just…just wait for him.” Kyuhyun said and ready to leave but Seohyun stopped him.

“May I do this?” Seohyun said when Kyuhyun looked at her; she suddenly slapped Kyuhyun’s right cheek.

Kyuhyun’s head was facing at the left direction when Seohyun slapped him. He knows that he deserve it, he was not mad when Seohyun slapped him. But he hopes it will less hurt pain in Seohyun’s heart.

“At least, what I feel before was less hurt.” Seohyun said, not in mad voice but in soft voice. “I’m not mad at you but I want to feel you the hurt you caused me, Kyuhyun.”

This was the first Kyuhyun heard Seohyun calling him by his name. What was that about? She was saying that they will not be friends anymore? He deserved it. He doesn’t deserve to have a friend like Seohyun. Seohyun is a good friend; he was admitting that he doesn’t like Seohyun at first. But Seohyun was kind. It’s not hard to fall in love with her. But, he really can’t like back her. Because there was a man’s named buried on his heart. And that was Sungmin. His Sungmin.

“I hope… Sungmin will forgive you.”

And that was the last conversation he had with Seohyun. After their conversation, he cried in front of sleeping Sungmin. He was crying while he was chanting his sorry about Seohyun. But Sungmin was still sleeping; Kyuhyun never heard Sungmin’s spoke. He let his tears to flow down in front of Sungmin. He wished Sungmin will awake and wiped his tears away from h