“You’re crazy,” she murmured without looking away from his eyes. His sincerity had moved her, making her breathless. “You’re crazy,” she repeated and sniffed.

“Yes, I’m crazy for you,” he said in a slightly more serious tone. “Do you believe that I love you now?” he asked, still not certain of her thoughts.

With his hands at the sides of her head, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and replied, “Yes.” What he had done had shown her in no uncertain terms that he had accepted that he could not have any children with her. And his presence before her had proved that he still wanted to be with her in spite his acceptance. “Jong Kook,” she whispered his name.

As his thumbs brushed her tears off, he kissed her lips softly. Dropping the papers in her hands, she wrapped her arms around him and he tightened their embrace. As much as their exchange in body heat, there were many emotions flowing between them, waiting for their articulation.

When she finally pulled herself away from him and looked fixedly at him again, she asked softly “What would your parents think of what you have done?” She would not forget that he was still someone else’s son. He was not just responsible for her or himself.

He took a double-take at her question. “Ji Hyo, stop thinking about everyone else. Think about yourself. Think about us.” He said to her slowly, “I had spoken to my mother before going for the procedure. I wouldn’t say she was happy about it but she understands why I have chosen to do so.”

After telling his mother about Ji Hyo’s conditions, he had explained to her in a matter-of-fact manner that as long as he chose to be with Ji Hyo he would not be able to have any children and he would not want Ji Hyo to go through again what she had gone through after her miscarriage. The thought of losing Ji Hyo scared him. He had sought his mother’s understanding because he didn’t want his parents to pressure Ji Hyo about having children and to bear grudges against her inability to do so.

The sadness in his mother’s eyes and the proud smile on her face were etched into his memory. Her words to him were “I’m not sure if I have raised you up properly as a good man or if she has made you a better person. Life is more than having children.” The older woman could appreciate the pains that Ji Hyo had because she could not have a third child no matter how hard they had tried. In their conservative society having sons was important and she should be proud to have born two boys but she always wanted a daughter. While she had no grouses about her elder daughter-in-law, Ji Hyo had taken her heart by her willingness to learn her cooking. During their cooking sessions, she had not just imparted her cookery skills which she had picked up from her mother to the younger woman but also shared her views of life with her. She was not oblivious to how much consideration Ji Hyo had given to her son. Ji Hyo’s little ways such as standing back so that Jong Kook would greet and hug his mother first had not gone unnoticed by her, and these little ways had endeared Ji Hyo even more to her. Although she didn’t voice it out, she had guessed that Ji Hyo’s decision to leave for Hong Kong was to give Jong Kook a chance to give their relationship second thoughts.

“She told me that life is more than having children,” he said to Ji Hyo while he gripped her hands and looked deeply into her eyes so that she knew that he was telling the truth. Ji Hyo was greatly touched by his mother’s bigheartedness. Her eyes and heart swelled.

He raised her hands to his lips and kissed them softly as tears glided down her cheeks. “I don’t mind not having children. But if you wish, we can adopt too.” Her breathing got harder upon hearing his words.

After a short pause, he added with slight hint of awkwardness, “If you really intend to adopt, we may have to get married soon to fulfil the requirements in terms of number of years of marriage and …” He pulled out another stack of papers from under his pillow. He passed them to her and looked down on his hands. “And my age limit.”

She glanced over the words on the first page and saw that these were details on the requirements and procedures of adoption in South Korea. She was overwhelmed by him and she asked in a quiver, “Oh Jong Kook, why are you doing so much for me?”

He looked up and caressed her face. “Because I don’t know how else to live without you,” he replied without hesitation. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise how important you are to me earlier.”

“I’m sorry too,” she said in between sobs. “I would not have accepted the new contract if I have known that you have done so much for me.”

He looked at her quizzically. Swallowing hard, she tried to control her sobs and explained, “I have accepted the new work assignment in China because I found an acupuncturist there who is said to be able to improve my conditions to conceive and keep a baby.”

At once, he lifted her right arm towards himself and stared at her bruise. The thought of her letting herself to be punctured by more needles pierced his heart. It pained him to see how much she was willing to go through for him. “Ji Hyo, please stop these treatments. Please don’t go through such pains again.” He peered into her eyes with tenderness and regrets. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t with you when you went through all these on your own.”

Shaking her head, she said to him, “It wasn’t your fault. I didn’t tell you.”

They gazed into each other’s eyes with many unspoken words and emotions passing between them. He finally broke the silence, “Promise me that you will not keep things from me again.” She placed her right hand on his left cheek and looked intently at him, “Promise me that you will tell me your thoughts.” At the end of her words, she raised her pinkie before him. He let out a chuckle and hooked his last finger with hers. “Promise,” they said simultaneously as they turned their wrists to seal their promise with their thumbs touching each other. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

With a smile on his face, he removed himself from their embrace. He walked over to his luggage bag and took out a tablet and a black notebook. Once he sat on the bed again, he pulled her back into an embrace with her sitting between his legs and her back resting against his chest. He passed the tablet to her, “Kwon Ryeol and Dong Hoon helped me put this together.”

She touched the “play” button on the screen and the instrumental music of his song “Letter” began. In a moment, scenes of their matrimonial home appeared. First was their living room, followed by the balcony, then the dining area and the kitchen. She observed how they were furnished accordingly to her plans but the overall décor was more colourful and lively than she had mentioned to him. From the close-up shots of the console table, she saw the numerous frames with her photographs and she was touched.

When the video showed their bedroom door slowly being pushed open to reveal their bedroom, she was shocked to be greeted by her gigantic portrait over the headboard of their bed. She understood his declaration that she was the lady of house. Then the video showed another bedroom. This bedroom had no bed. It had a carpeted raised platform with cushions of various sizes and colours threw all over it. On the wall opposite the platform, a huge television screen was flanked by two stand-up speakers on each side. There was a cabinet filled with CDs and the camera zoomed into a particular title, “Frozen Flower”. She knew then that he had converted one of the bedrooms into a media room.

Finally the last bedroom was revealed to her. It was decorated simply as a guest room with two single beds with a dresser. She swallowed hard at this revelation.

When the video finally ended, she brought his two hands to her lips and whispered “thank you” over them. “I hope you like how I have done up our home,” he said smilingly.

She quavered, “The last room …”

He completed her sentence for her casually, “Your parents and siblings can stay in that room when they visit. Or if your brother decides to come to Seoul to work, he can live with us.”

She was again touched by his consideration – this time for her family. “Our home is waiting for you,” he said smilingly at her and tightened his embrace. He rested his chin on her shoulder and smelled the familiar scent of her shampoo.

Removing his arms from her, he said to her “I have one last thing to share with you.” She turned around to face him.

“A wise man told me that instead of drowning myself with alcohol, I should write down my thoughts for you. This is the notebook that he gave me.” He handed a notebook with a black leather cover to her. He smiled at her encouragingly. “He also told me to believe and trust in your intent even when I don’t agree with your decisions or reasons.”

“Who is this wise person?” she asked curiously.

He cocked his head to one side and gestured her to make a guess.

“Jae Suk oppa?”

He shook his head at her first guess.

“Suk Jin oppa?” She received another shake of his head at her second guess. She didn’t make the third guess because she already knew who it would be. “Gary oppa told you so.”

“Yes, our dearest friend told me that.” He could sense that she missed their friend. “I miss him too.”

They paused for a while to muse about their friend who was in another land. Jong Kook was grateful to Gary. “We might not be here and having this conversation if you have not gone that extra mile to help us.” They finally broke away from their thoughts when she opened the notebook at his request.

She stared at his first entry in the notebook.
Why she didn’t tell me about her pregnancy?
(a) She didn’t trust me to keep the child.
(b) She already knew about her conditions and she didn’t want me to worry.
(c) She wasn’t certain that she was pregnant.
(d) She didn’t want the child.
(e) She didn’t want me to marry her because of the child.
(f) She didn’t want to marry me because of the child.

She flipped the page over. She was equally astonished at his next entry.
Why did she leave me?
(a) She doesn’t love me anymore.
(b) She feels that I didn’t love her enough.
(c) She thinks that I’m not good enough for her.
(d) She thinks that she isn’t good enough for me.
(e) She wants a change of environment.

She turned to the next page and read his entry intensely.
Why did she push me away that night?
(a) She hates me.
(b) She finds me repulsive.
(c) She was not ready to get intimate yet.
(d) She was afraid that she might miscarry again.

She reread the last option in his entry. Perhaps he did know her better than she thought.

She studied one entry after another. When she finished reading the last entry, she closed the book but left her hands over it. She pondered over what she had just read. She had finally learnt about his insecurities, fears, sadness and self-doubts. Some of his entries had also shown her his faith in her and his yearning for her return. She contemplated on what she should do.

He watched her in silence and saw her facial expressions changed as she read through his notebook. He had truly bared his soul and mind to her this time.

Finally, she walked over to take a pen out from her bag. Then, she sat next to him and flipped the book to its first entry. “The answer to this question means a lot to you doesn’t it?” she asked him simply. And he nodded his head.

As if answering a multiple-choice question, she circled the second option. When he saw her response, he said to her earnestly, “Ji Hyo, when I asked you to marry me, I am prepared to go through both good times and bad ones with you.” He looked at her meaningfully and added, “And I am sure you would go through my good and bad times with me too.”

“Yes, I know now.” She looked at him and nodded her head. He was glad to see the confidence in her reply and the trust in her eyes.

Then, she turned to next entry. This time she crossed out the second and third options and added another option – (f) So that I can start a new life without her. “You are too good to me and for me,” she said with tinge of sadness in her voice. “I feel the same way too. You have given me so much and too much,” he replied without hesitation. Looking at her new option, he took the pen from her hand and crossed it out. “You will be the only one in my life,” he said without looking away from her eyes so that she knew that he really meant his words.

They instinctively moved towards each other and locked the other person in their arms. As much as they wanted to remain in this position, they were determined to complete this “conversation” first. It was time for them to clean their closet.

When they released each other from the embrace, he said firmly and lovingly to her, “From now on, we shall just remember that you are worthy of me and me of you.” “Promise?” she asked with a broad, confident smile. “Promise,” he replied with as much confidence. This exchange brought back an almost-forgotten feeling and both of them felt it. “Fighting!” they said simultaneously. They chuckled at their same thought – the promise that they had just made was like the easy partnership that they used to forge during their Running Man days as Sparta Kook and the Ace to win the games.

Before she flipped to the next entry, her eyes lingered at the first option of the second entry. “She doesn’t love me anymore.” She ran her finger over that line and paused at its end. “Why did you strike it out?” she finally asked. He placed his hand over hers and answered sincerely, “I do not and cannot believe that you no longer love me. If I do, I will lose the purpose for my living and waiting.” She nodded in appreciation of his reply.

In the same manner, she answered all the questions in the notebook. For questions without any correct options or with missing options, she wrote down the answers for him.

When they reached the end of the book, he said smilingly to her, “I suppose we have finally found our mode of communication.”

“Yes, after such a long time.” There was a hint of regret in her voice.

“But it isn’t too late for us, right?” He looked meaningfully at her.

“Yes, it isn’t too late when we have a life-time before us.” She shook her head and leaned forward to kiss him. 

When they broke away from their kiss, she could feel that she was drained out physically, mentally and emotionally. So much was revealed and exchanged in one night. "Shall we rest for the night?" she asked and received a nod from him. She put the notebook and tablet away and dimmed the lights in her room into a pale soft orange glow.

They lied next to each other. Although he wanted so much to get intimate with her, he wasn’t sure if she was ready for it. He interlaced his hand with hers and willed himself to sleep.

She lied next to him with her eyes opened. She knew that she had a final hurdle to cross. She braced herself and took a deep breath. “Please make love to me,” she whispered to him with her cheeks burning with shame.

He wasn’t sure if he heard her correctly but he immediately turned to his side and propped himself up by his elbow. She shifted her eyes away when he looked at her and he saw her uneasiness. He reached out to caress the side of her face. “I love you, Ji Hyo. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “I want to,” she mouthed.

He leaned forward to kiss her forehead, then her nose and her lips. With his body hovering above hers, he blew kisses against the side of her neck and she responded by arching back her neck. He took off his shirt and slowly undressed her. After he had positioned himself between her legs, he waited. Sensing no movement from him, she opened her eyes and looked at him. Making sure that he had her attention, he said to her, “We can stop any time if you are not comfortable.” He saw her bit and chewed her lower lips. “Ji Hyo, I want you to know that I will not be angry or upset when you want to stop.” He paused. “Just don’t push me away,” he finally uttered.

“Don’t let me go too. Please help me overcome my fears.” She said with pleading eyes.

“I’ll never let you go again,” he promised.

Dear readers, thanks for your patience in waiting for my updates for this second ending. The story has finally come to an end. I hope I have not failed your expectations. Your comments will be greatly appreciated. Do let me know how this ending measures up to the first one.

 

 

(31.01.2014)