After Gary left his apartment, Ji Hyo did as what he had instructed. The cool liquid from the can of beer had soothed her nerves lightly. The soft and comfy mattress of his bed had provided instant relief to her worn-out body. She closed her eyes but her mind refused to rest. It filled her with thoughts for Jong Kook and their breakup. Her heart just didn’t feel right for her to be on another man’s bed.

She dragged her tired body out of his bed and made her way to his couch instead. With her legs curled up, she pulled the jacket on the armrest to her and hugged it close. She reached for the phone in her bag and switched it on with her trembling hands. Her heart ached when she heard Jong Kook’s dejection in his voice mails. Her tears flowed when she read his messages asking her to go home to him. Seeking her resolution once again, she reminded herself that it was better for her to leave him since she could never fulfil his dream with him.

Her body finally won over her mind and heart. She slept curled up like a foetus on the couch.

When the hour hand passed the number twelve, he could no longer sit in her house and wait anymore. He went to his car and drove in rounds around her neighbourhood. His eyes peered at the people on the streets and into the windows of any open shops, hoping to catch the glimpse of her.

He drove to the park again. The place was quiet. It was indeed different from the day. There was no one else. At this moment, he thought he might have finally understood her statement that “The day looks very different from the night.” “Ji Hyo, no matter how different the day looks, we will always stand by each other.” He wished he had given her this reply then.

He didn’t know where to go after this. Without her, he was lost. “Ji Hyo, you are all that matters. Where are you?”

He was greeted with the sight of Ji Hyo curling up on the couch, looking so small and distressed. It stung his heart. He recognised the jacket that she was hugging. It belonged to Jong Kook. “What had happened between you and Jong Kook hyung?”

She was running a high fever and needed to be hospitalised for observation. Looking at the wan and wispy woman lying on the hospital bed, he would give anything to have the strong, feisty and cheery Ji Hyo back. He held her hand and breathed forlornly against it, hoping to give her life.

He went drinking with Haha that night. Haha was shocked to see Jong Kook drowning himself with alcohol without saying anything. He reminded Jong Kook that alcohol was bad for health but no avail. Jong Kook replied him ruefully, “What is the point for living if she is no longer with me?”

Haha deduced that Jong Kook was having problems with Ji Hyo and he called Jae Suk and Kwang Soo for help. A drunken Jong Kook was certainly too strong for Haha to handle by himself, especially when the former was not holding back his strength when Haha tried to stop him from drinking.

When Jae Suk and Kwang Soo arrived, they were just as shocked to see Jong Kook drunk. They immediately tried to pull him back. However, with a swept of his arm, Jong Kook had caused Kwang Soo to stagger backwards. The trio watched helplessly as he continued to abuse himself with the alcohol.

Jong Kook drank till his body could not take it anymore and he threw up. As he swiped the back of his hand across his mouth in an attempt to clean himself, he finally let himself cry. “Why won’t she believe me?” “Why must she go?” His repeating words were choked between his sobs. His friends didn’t know what exactly had happened but they felt sorry for him.

His mother waited patiently for him to tell her what had happened. She listened to him without any judgement. He had finally told another person about Ji Hyo’s miscarriage and how he had failed to protect the ones he loved. She listened with a quiet understanding when he told her Ji Hyo’s reason for leaving him. He told her that he would not marry anyone else other than Ji Hyo. He told her that he had failed miserably to convince Ji Hyo to trust and believe in him.

His mother didn’t say anything to him. She didn’t have to. She just needed to listen.

When he asked her why she was crying, she could only tell him that she was hurting so badly inside that she could not stop herself from crying. He suspected that she might have depression and he consulted her doctor. Her doctor had also observed her emotional distress and he suggested for her to see a counsellor. 

That night Gary spoke to Ji Hyo. “Ji Hyo, if you don’t want me to know what had happened you don’t have to tell me. But both of us know that you are hurting badly inside. You need to speak to someone before it eats you up. Can you please see a counsellor before you discharge tomorrow?”

She started crying before she could control herself again. She knew that Gary was right. She needed help. She listened to Gary once again.

She emerged from the counselling room with moist eyes but she was feeling better. Her loss had been acknowledged. She was told to grieve for her lost child. She didn’t have to pretend that it was all right. She gave her lost child a name to prove that he had existed.

He immediately walked over to her when she came out from the counselling room. He held her arm supportively. When they passed by the florist shop on their way out of the hospital, Ji Hyo stopped to buy a beautiful baby blue gift box.

Once they were in his car, he carefully asked her where she would like to go. She asked if she could return to his apartment because she was still not ready to face her mother and Jong Kook. He drove her to his place without another word.

“Good morning, Gary oppa,” she greeted him with a little smile.

“Good morning, Ji Hyo.” He observed that her eyes were less puffy and her mood was lighter.

He said to her teasingly, “I think we need to beef up these cheeks.” He pretended to pinch her cheeks and missed them. He then exclaimed, “See I’m right. I can’t even feel your cheeks now.” She gave a little chortle at his jests.

“Shall we go for our breakfast?” He extended his arm to her like a gentleman and she played along by placing her hand in the crook of his arm.

They got into his car and he drove.

“Where are we going?” she asked him when she noticed that he was driving further away from the city.

“A surprise,” he answered cheerily but he caught her worried look. He quickly reassured her, “A surprise with only two of us.” She smiled slightly at his words.

After he had parked his car and led her out of it, she was amazed and touched by the beautiful view before her.  She had mentioned that she would like to visit a garden last night and he took her to a restaurant that overlooked a garden.

He ordered two sets of breakfast for them. He gave her some of his scrambled eggs and one of his sausages, while she gave him one of her sunny-side up and some of her bacon.

While she nibbled on her food, she was reminded of the last breakfast that she had cooked for herself and Jong Kook and it was the very day that she lost her baby. She sniffed and shook her head. He caught her little gestures and asked with concern, “Are you all right?” She gave him a nod and a brave smile.

He didn’t question her further. He let her eat her breakfast in tranquillity.

When they were done with their breakfast, he asked her if she would like to take a stroll in the garden and she said yes. They came to a big tree and Ji Hyo stopped there. She kneeled on the ground and began digging with her bare hands. Gary was baffled by her action. He briskly held her hands and told her to stop and wait for him. He ran to the restaurant, then to a shed and he returned with a garden spade. He shovelled the soil and dirt until she asked him to stop. She took out the gift box that she bought yesterday and placed it with care into the hole that Gary had dug. In the box was the scan photo of her unborn child. She swept the dirt and soil back into the hole and buried the box with her own hands. She said a little prayer and goodbye to her child.

Gary did not ask her what was in the box. He did not ask her what she was doing. He guessed that she was burying away her pain and he left her to do as she needed to do.

As they strode side by side past the beautiful bushes of fragrant flowers, he observed that she had relaxed quite a bit. He carefully approached her with his questions, “Have you really broken up with Jong Kook hyung?”

The mention of Jong Kook’s name twisted her heart again. “Yes, we have broken up,” she said to him as much as to herself.

“May I ask why?” he asked lightly without pushing too hard.

“We are not suitable for each other.” Although he didn’t buy her answer, he didn’t push her either.

He stopped her in their tracks. He moved before her and said gently, “Ji Hyo, I will be seeing him today for our variety show recording. I need to know how I am supposed to behave in front of him. I don’t need to know the details of your breakup but I need to know how to respond if he asks me about you.”

She didn’t tell Gary why she chose to leave Jong Kook but she told him that she had left Jong Kook in the park that day and she had ran away from home when she saw his car at her apartment building. She told him that Jong Kook had been calling her and leaving her messages. She took her phone out from her bag and passed it to him uneasily. He slipped her phone, which was still switched off, into his pocket. “You don’t have to worry now. Your phone is with me. He can’t reach you.” He could almost see her smiled.

“Do you want me to tell him to move out of your apartment?”

She quickly shook her head. “Don’t let him know that you know where I am.”

“You can stay at my place for the time being, if you don’t mind.” She looked at him gratefully and took up his offer.

“Ji Hyo, you know that I can’t lie very well but I’ll keep my word. If you aren’t ready to face him now, I will not tell him where you are.” He promised her.

On their drive back, he informed her that he would be going for his week-long promotional trip the following day.

He stopped his car when they passed by a phone shop. “You can go back to your place to pick up some of your stuff when I’m filming with Jong Kook hyung this afternoon. But we need to get you a new phone first. If I don’t see him at the filming today, I will message you.” She nodded appreciatively at him. She didn’t expect him to plan so much for her.

Gary saw Jae Suk pulling Jong Kook aside for a talk. He walked away and left the studio. He still respected Jong Kook as his sunbae and as his hyung. But certain awkwardness had come between him and Jong Kook ever since they had parted ways unhappily outside Ji Hyo’s apartment.

Jae Suk asked Jong Kook what had happened between him and Ji Hyo. Jong Kook was reluctant to tell him anything at first. After Jae Suk’s persistent probing, Jong Kook finally gave in and told Jae Suk that he broke up with Ji Hyo but he refused to divulge the real reason for their breakup.

Ji Hyo was amused by the amount of groceries that he bought. “Gary oppa, we are not having a war now. There is no need to stock up so much food.” 

He just smiled back at her. “Canned food and instant noodles are not healthy but knowing how lazy you can be, it is better to stock them up before you starve yourself to death.”

“Canned food and instant noodles are not healthy.” This was something that Jong Kook had said to her before. Her eyes lost their shine for a moment and Gary caught it.

He was nursing his back injury on a hospital bed when his mother took a chair and sat next to him. He could not bear to see the hurt in his mother’s eyes.

“If you continue to hurt yourself, how do you expect anyone to believe you?” she said to him.

“You wouldn’t want Ji Hyo to see you like this when she comes back, would you?” she continued.

It was these words from his mother that truly shook him up – “Don’t let her sacrifice her heart for nothing. She let you go because she loves you. You have to live well to return her love for you.”

 

 

(28.10.2013)