It first started with a small glass of soju to help him sleep at night. Then, it took a bottle to give him the same effect. Now, it had progressed to at least three bottles for him sleep nightly.

Jong Kook hated the hangover that he had every morning and he would work out doubly hard to punish himself for his lapses in self-control and self-discipline. However when night fell, he could only think of Ji Hyo and more he thought of her the more uncertain he became. Although he was the one who suggested the time-out, he wasn’t sure what did a time-out really mean. Are they still together? Or, have they broken up? What exactly was their relationship? He was having the same uncertain and uneasy feeling that he had long ago from his relationship with Eun Hye. “Would Ji Hyo slip away from me like Eun Hye did?” he often thought to himself. “Ji Hyo is my fiancée and she loves me,” he consoled himself unconvincingly each time.

Based on the magazine clippings and the verbal plans that she had left him with, he slowly put together their apartment and he could picture more and more of her sharing this same space with him. The cream-coloured walls, the L-shaped sofa in the living room, the cane swing in the balcony, the long white marble dining table flanked by a built-in bleached oak bench and three beige leather chairs, the checked woven rug under the white coffee table, etc.

As their dream house gradually materialised before his eyes, it occurred to him that the decorative style and colour scheme of their new house was very much like his room at his parents’ place. Ji Hyo’s apartment was a lot more colourful and funky. It dawned upon him on how much Ji Hyo had been accommodating him from the home décor to the food that they partook to their leisure activities. He finally realised the adjustments that she had been making for him. He could not stop the aching of his heart each time he thought of the sacrifices that she had made for him. “Ji Hyo, you don’t have to change for me. I always love you as you are,” he wanted so much to tell her. He promptly changed the brown-and-red checked rug to a more colourful one with abstracted prints.

He also had a rising fear whether his realisation might have come too late. “Ji Hyo, I’m sorry that I took so long to recognise your efforts and sacrifices. Are you still there for me to make my amends?”

While he had furnished the master bedroom, he had not slept in that room at all. It was their bedroom and he would not occupy it without her. With the same rationale, he never used the bathroom adjoined to their bedroom. He used the common bathroom instead. He made it clear that Ji Hyo was the lady of the house by hanging her portrait above the headboard of their bed. He had also graced the dressing table in the bedroom and console table in the living room with her framed photographs. He was regretful that he could not find many photographs with both of them together. The few that he had in his mobile phone were the selcas she took for them in their happier days.

There were two more rooms in the house which he didn’t know what to do with. Each time he stood before the two bedrooms that they had reserved for their children, a sense of guilt and failure would cruise through him. From the scanty preliminary plans that Ji Hyo had given him, he realised that, despite their brighter colours, they were more like guest rooms than children rooms. “How painful it must have been for her to plan for these rooms when she already knew that they might never be occupied by their intended occupants?” He could not bring himself carry out her plans for these rooms.

As the rest of the house got more and more furnished, the time he spent staring at the two remaining bedrooms lengthened and his pains of her leaving him increased. To numb his pains, he turned to more soju.

Whenever he closed his eyes, he would see her. Sometimes she was smiling, sometimes she was crying. As he could not control the images in his mind, he had become increasingly afraid to close his eyes. “I don’t want to see her cry again.” “Did I make her so miserable that her days spent with me were in tears?” There were times that he could not call out their happy memories to replace the images of her in misery from his mind eye. To avoid seeing the wretched images and to get the sleep that he sought, alcohol had become his nightly companion.

Ji Hyo’s face was expressionless. She shut her eyes as she pondered over his question. He reached out for her but he could not lift his arms.

As she lifted her eye lids, the corners of were turned down. “I don’t know,” she seemed to have mouthed but he heard “I won’t be coming back”. She then turned around and walked further into the shadows of the long alley. There was no sign of light at the end of the alley. He tried to run after her before the darkness consumed her but he could not move his legs just like his arms.

“Ji Hyo!” he shouted in his last attempt to get her back.

His eyes flew open and he sat up. He was on a bed in an unfamiliar place. The brightness of the place blinded him and he closed his eyes momentarily while his head pounded as a form of punishment for his abandonment of self-control last night.

He slowly reopened his eyes, letting them gradually adjust to the brightness of the room. When he finally opened them, he saw a cup being handed to him. His sight followed the outstretched arm and fell upon a familiar face. Gary was standing before him, with neither a smile nor a frown. “Hyung” was all he said. Jong Kook took the cup from Gary and sipped the ginseng tea appreciatively while Gary walked over to windows and turned the blinds closer.

The two men looked at each other quietly with one still sitting on the bed and the other leaning against the wall near the windows. Gary finally spoke first. “You were very drunk last night. I didn’t think you would want to worry your mother and as Ji Hyo is out of town, I brought you back to my place instead.”

Jong Kook was touched by Gary’s thoughtfulness. “Thank you,” he said gratefully. And, the room returned to the state of unsettled quietness. Both of them were still deciding what to say next.

“Shall I drive you home first? We can meet at my restaurant for dinner this evening. I have some matters to attend to in the studio this afternoon.” Gary suggested and he walked over to his wardrobe to take out some clean clothes for Jong Kook.

Jong Kook glanced at the time on his watch and was taken aback that it was almost noon. “I must have gotten very drunk last night for me to oversleep by almost five hours,” he thought to himself. When Gary passed him the clothes, he finally noticed that he was in his boxers. He took the clothes from Gary embarrassedly. Seeing Jong Kook’s uneasiness, Gary clarified, “You had vomited all over yourself last night so I took your clothes off for you. I’ll send your clothes to the laundry later.”

“Thanks, Gary. It’s okay. Just passed the soiled clothes to me; I will handle them myself.” Jong Kook muttered. He began to worry about his behaviour and what he had said the night before. However, his glances at a straight-faced Gary failed to tell him anything.

“Hyung, you have arrived at the right time. The meat is ready.” Gary gestured for Jong Kook to sit opposite him and he put a piece of grilled meat on the plate before Jong Kook. When Jong Kook had sat comfortably, Gary added “Dong Hoon is unable to join us as Byul has an appointment and he needs to be home.” Jong Kook nodded his head in understanding.

Gary then passed a cup of ginseng tea to Jong Kook, which Jong Kook accepted with a smile. “I assume there will be no soju tonight,” Jong Kook said light-heartedly.

“Alcohol is bad for a singer’s throat,” Gary replied and Jong Kook gave a soft chuckle. Instead of giving the usual criticism that alcohol was bad for health, Gary had appealed to his seriousness in his profession.

Jong Kook joined in the grilling of the meat and he placed some cooked pieces on Gary’s plate. Gary quickly said his thanks but Jong Kook halted him awkwardly, “Thanks for last night. What did I do last night?” He looked worriedly at Gary for his response.

Gary shook his head slightly and replied, “You were pouring alcohol into yourself when I arrived last night. Shortly after, you collapsed onto the table and I brought you home. When you reached my place, you vomited.” He had spared Jong Kook the details that Jong Kook had pushed him when he tried to stop him from drinking. His back was hit against the next table by that push and Gil had helped to rub ointment on his bruise that afternoon. He had also omitted that Jong Kook had vomited outside of his apartment and he had to wash and clean his corridor last night.

Although he still had a hint of doubt, Jong Kook accepted Gary’s words. He took a sip at his ginseng tea before asking, “Did I say anything last night?”

Gary avoided looking at Jong Kook as he formulated his reply. Jong Kook had said too much last night. His heart hurt when he learnt of Ji Hyo’s miscarriage and her fertility problem. He was worried when he heard about her being in fear. He was upset that she was having problems communicating with Jong Kook. He was angered by Jong Kook’s doubts and questions over her actions. But one thing was clear to him – Jong Kook loved Ji Hyo. It was this one thing that stopped him from beating up Jong Kook last night for all the pains that the latter had caused Ji Hyo.

Gary finally gave the reply, “You said that you missed her and you kept asking when she will be back.”

“That’s all?” Given how long it took Gary to reply him, Jong Kook was unconvinced that he had said so little.

“You weren’t very coherent last night, hyung,” Gary quickly replied.

Jong Kook took one more look at Gary and nodded his head. If Gary had refused to reveal how much had been said, it would mean that Gary would not mention it to anyone else too.

“She is extending her stay in Hong Kong and China and she said that she didn’t know when she is returning.” Jong Kook uttered forlornly after a while.

Gary put down his chopsticks and listened to Jong Kook attentively. Still looking down at his bowl, Jong Kook said, “I don’t know if she would ever return to me. I don’t know what our relationship is anymore.” Jong Kook let out a long deep sigh.

Gary felt sorry for his hyung. Longing for his love had weakened the man before him. “How you would introduce Ji Hyo if someone asks you who she is to you?”

“My fiancée,” Jong Kook raised his head and replied instantaneously.

Gary let out a smile at Jong Kook, “Yes, you are an engaged couple.”

“You make it sound so simple,” Jong Kook remarked with a returned smile.

“Just keep it simple,” Gary encouraged him. “Don’t think too much. Even when you don’t agree with her decisions or can’t accept her reasons, just believe and trust in her intentions.”

Jong Kook pondered at his words. “Yes, whatever she did would be what she believed to be the best for me.”

Jong Kook put another piece of meat on Gary’s plate urging him to continue eating.

When they had finished eating and Gary’s staff had cleared their dishes, they continued sitting at their table with their drinks before them. Jong Kook finally asked the question that he had for the longest time, “Do you still love Ji Hyo?”

Gary was caught off-guard by the question. Luckily, he was not drinking otherwise he would have spat the drink out or be choked. He rubbed his nose with his index finger before answering, “She loves you. And most importantly, she had chosen you.” Once again, he had brushed his own feelings aside. When she had accepted Jong Kook’s engagement despite how much she was hurt by his proposal, Gary had given up on Ji Hyo. It didn’t matter anymore how he felt as her choice was clear.

Jong Kook at Gary questioningly, unsatisfied by his reply.

“Hyung, you have a beautiful fiancée. She has no lack of admirers. As long as you are the one she loves and has chosen no one else should matter.” Jong Kook chortled at Gary’s words.

“You are really good at your words,” Jong Kook smiled appreciatively at Gary.

Gary smiled at the bitterness of those words. “Words do not work on her. You need to show your love to her by actions.”

Jong Kook nodded at Gary’s remarks with appreciation and understanding.

Gil, who was watching them from afar, sent a text message to Haha before he walked over to join them. “Jong Kook hyung did not drink tonight. They are chatting happily.”

“You are really a love counsellor,” Jong Kook remarked.

“But he is still unattached,” Gil interrupted in jest and landed his bum next to Gary. “Good evening, hyung,” he greeted Jong Kook belatedly.

“Good evening, Gil.” Jong Kook returned the greeting cheerily and added, “Get him some female friends.”

“He has no lack of interested ladies. I think he strive to be a celibate monk.”

Gary casted an annoyed look at Gil but the latter just grinned at him.

“Have you ever seen a doctor treats himself?” Gary finally retorted, and they laughed.

The trio continued their hearty chat after the restaurant was closed and till the wee hours.