With his hands firmly holding hers and her hands over his heart, Ji Hyo and Jong Kook looked deeply into each other’s eyes. There were so much emotion that they could not decipher in the other person but there was one mutual feeling that they still shared strongly.

“How far can our love bring us?” Ji Hyo questioned silently as her eyes searched his for an answer.

“I really love you, Ji Hyo. But I don’t know how else I can let you know.” Jong Kook said silently to her.

A drop of tear escaped from her left eye and he wiped it off tenderly using his right thumb. He gently placed his left hand on the back of her head and drew her head onto him. As she rested her head on his broad and hard shoulder, he moved closer and enveloped her tightly with his other arm. Once again, she drew her strength and comfort from him. He was still her Atlas.

Jong Kook was glad to see Ji Hyo smiling again. At his insistence, he had moved in to her apartment after her miscarriage. She had stopped visiting him at his gym since they would see each other at home every day. Instead he would fetch her home from her filming regardless of how late in the night it might be. Casual conversation was easy between them once more. But the matters that really mattered to them remained unspoken. They stopped talking about the wedding, their matrimonial house and having children.   

In the hotel bathroom, Ji Hyo stood before the full-length mirror and looked wistfully at the woman in it. She was wearing a lilac sheer silk babydoll slip with a matching bikini . The slip had triangular cups and an empire waistline just like the first lingerie she had worn for him. Instead of having a satin bow at the waist, it had lace trimmed along its neckline, waist, straps and back.

She longed to have his touch on her and she missed the pleasure she used to experience with him. As she closed her eyes to reminisce those moments, the memory of a recent incident floated into her mind. Horror and fear crept into her heart and gripped it tight. No, she could not let that happen again. It wasn’t fair to lead him on just to deny him.

She took off the light and soft material from her body and let it slide off her hands onto the floor. She changed into her T-shirt and shorts instead. She stared woefully at the lilac clothing before the details of the horrible incident, which happened three weeks ago, began to play vividly in her mind.

*** Flashback ***

On that fateful night, they were celebrating Jong Kook’s win for the Best Singer of the Year award. The alcohol in their champagne had brought them to a high. Their soft kisses turned deep and their gentle caresses turned into roaming hands. Soon their making out got intense and they were both on their bed. Jong Kook had positioned himself between her legs and was about to embed himself into her when Ji Hyo was seized by a sudden sense of terror. She gave him a hard push and ran frantically into the bathroom. Once she had locked the bathroom door, she dropped herself onto the cold tiled floor and circled her arms over her bended legs. She shivered and trembled as an irrational fear ran through her and turned her blood cold.

When she spread her legs open for him just now, a distressing memory came over her. She was reminded of the time she was on the operating theatre table with her legs widely spread too. As he approached her entrance, she recalled how the doctor had placed the surgical instruments into her to remove the remains of her foetus. She shut her eyes tightly in fear but she could only see strong white light like the one above the operating table. To prevent herself from screaming, she bit her own forearm.

She didn’t know how long she had sat in the bathroom. As she slowly regained her awareness, she heard Jong Kook calling her name on the other side of the door. She pulled herself up by gripping onto the sink counter. She didn’t know she was crying until she saw her tear streaked face in the mirror. She washed her face and swallowed several mouthfuls of water to calm herself down before she finally opened the door to face him.

Once she had opened the door, he quickly and protectively wrapped a bathrobe over her. He then carefully led her back to their bed and sat her down. “Ji Hyo, are you all right? What has happened?” he asked softly and with much concern. She swallowed the tears that were rising in her and kept her silence. She didn’t dare to meet him in the eyes.

He saw and examined the bite mark on her forearm. Each tooth had sunk itself deep into her skin and left its mark. The oval ring formed by them was turning from bright red to a shade of dark purple. It stung his heart that she had hurt herself. He gently rubbed her wound with his thumb circularly to alleviate the emergent bruise. He wanted to kiss the wound but he didn’t dare to do so.

For a second time, he asked her what had happened but he still received no answer from her. Seeing how distressed and fearful she was, he backed off. It tore his heart to see the fearless and brave woman that he knew and loved to be in such a state. He wanted so much to take away her fear and whatever else that was hurting her. But he didn’t know what their causes were and he didn’t know what he could do. Once again, he felt that he had failed her.

With the bathrobe still on her, he gently pulled one of his oversized T-shirts over her and he even helped her put on her boxer shorts. When she was fully clothed, he took the bathrobe away and lied her down onto the bed. He lied down next to her and held her hand tightly and wordlessly that night. He was afraid that he would scare her if he touched her more than that.

In truth, she was yearning to rest against his sturdy body and to have his strong arms wrapped tightly and securely around her. She craved to be protected by him once more. Yet, she did not have the courage to make the move. She was worried that he would be upset as she had spurned his advances earlier on.

If only she had turned and looked at him at that moment, she would see only the concern and softness in his eyes.

*** End of Flashback ***

Ever since her miscarriage, Jong Kook had never pressured her or even hinted with her. He seemed satisfied just to cuddle her to sleep and kissing her. She could not have asked for more from him. In fact, she was the one who kissed and undressed him first on that fateful night.

She slowly picked up the lingerie from the floor and sadly packed it away. When she learnt that he had planned a vacation with her in Jeju Island, a popular honeymoon location in South Korea, she thought he had wanted a romantic rendezvous with her. Hence she had bought this y piece of clothing to present herself as a gift to him tonight. She truly appreciated and was grateful for the understanding and patience that he had shown to her ever since their ordeal and she just wanted to give him back something in return.

However, she could not trust herself not to freak out again and she simply could not subject him to the same rejection twice. Taking one last look of herself in the mirror, she tucked some stray hair behind her ears and patted her face lightly to reduce the blotchiness. She breathed in deeply and finally pulled on a big smile. She walked out of the bathroom.

He was reading a book on the bed when she opened the bathroom door. He noticed the red rims around her eyes and he wanted to ask her about it. However, he expected that he would not be able to get any answer from her. Hence, he gestured for her to join him on the bed and when she did, he pulled the comforter up to cover her and cuddled her close to him hoping to give her some comfort.

With so many dead bones in the closet, it would not make much difference if another one was added.

Before her eyes was the beautiful turquoise ocean. It vastness and majesty overwhelmed her and she wondered what lied beyond the horizon. With bands of red, orange and yellow as its background, the sun was rising from the water. Using her hand to shield the sunrays which was shining into her eyes, she was heartened to see this beautiful sight once again and she smiled.

Just when the sun had almost fully climbed out of the water, she felt a pair of strong arms draped over her shoulders from behind. Then, she heard his deep and slightly rough morning voice. “Good morning, beautiful. Why didn’t you sleep longer?”

She turned and gave him a peck on his cheek. “Good morning. Isn’t the sunrise beautiful?”

He took in the sight before him and said, “It’s beautiful but not as much as you.” He sniffed into her hair.

She chortled at his words. She pointed to the chair next to her and gestured for him to sit down. He reluctantly removed his arms from her and stole a kiss on her lips before pulling the chair closer to sit side by side with her. He interlaced his fingers with hers once he sat down.

“What would you like to do today, beautiful?” he asked. “We can go for a helicopter ride, a four-wheel drive on an all-terrain vehicle, or any other sea sports that you like,” he offered, knowing how much she liked thrill-filled activities.

She thought over his suggestions and shook her head, “Let’s go hiking on the Olle-Gil.” He was surprised with her choice because she wasn’t much of a walker to start off with. But he liked the idea too. He smiled at her and nodded his head.

“I just want to spend every moment next to you today,” she said silently to him.

“So, shall we go for our breakfast first?” he asked.

“Let’s order room service. I would like to have our breakfast at our balcony.”

“Sure, whatever you wish, my dear.” He preferred having breakfast in the privacy of their room balcony too. He stood up to fetch the food menu from the room. She watched his retreating back quietly.

After they had their full breakfast, they set off for their day trip. She had chosen to do a route along the coastal line. The emerald sea and the azure sky with its puffy white clouds greeted them when their hotel limousine dropped them off at Gonae Port. Smiling at each other, they began their trekking journey on the footpath set forth before them. “If only the path of our lives is also set forth for us to be together,” she thought to herself.

With the salty breeze them and the crashing waves singing to them, they took their time to walk together. They enjoyed each other’s company mainly in comfortable silence with occasional small talk along the way.

They soon reached the first landmark of the trail and they sat under a tree for a short water break. He pulled out the water bottle from his backpack and offered it to her first. As she drank the water, he gently adjusted her cap. She was touched by his little gesture and smiled at him. He smiled in return. He was simply glad to see her smiles. He drank the water when she handed the bottle back to him. She then took out her towel and wiped the perspiration off his face. Catching her hand as she put back her towel, he gave it a little kiss. He then stood up and extended his hands to her and helped her up. Together, they continued their walk.

As they walked along the coastline, she watched with regard on how ruthlessly the waves seemed be hitting against the shores. No matter how hard and strong the rocks were; they were jagged now. She gazed at the strong man next to her. When he felt her eyes on him, he turned and smiled at her. He took her hand in his and they walked hand-in-hand for another distance.

The trail turned inland away from the coast but they could still hear the sea and ocean behind them. As they progressed, there were more trees and they walked under their shade. She looked up and saw a beautiful view of the yellow leaves and their branches veiling the blue sky. He stopped when she stopped. He glanced up to see what she was admiring but the sight of her was more captivating for him. He could not resist but leaned forward to kiss her slightly parted lips. She felt his lips on her and she returned the kiss. She wrapped her hands lightly over his neck and allowed him to deepen their kiss. When he finally broke away, they smiled at each other and resumed walking again.

They came to a reservoir and met a huge black pine tree. A long branch of the pine tree reached out towards the water as if it was seeking for a drink. This was an ancient tree.“For so long you have been beside the water, will you ever be able to touch it?” she wondered.

As they stood before the big tree and the reservoir, he her back and asked ever so gently, “Are you tired?” She shook her head lightly but her soft pants gave her away. “Shall we rest here for a while?” he suggested and she agreed. They sat at a shady spot and took in the smells and sights of their tranquil surroundings. It was calming to return to the nature and the countryside. It was relieving to get away from the media and the fans. It was blissing to live in the moment with just the two of them. She took out the sandwiches that she had ordered and packed as their lunch for the trip.

After lunch, they continued their walk. They came across some farmlands filled with golden crops. When he filled her in that those crops were barley, she smiled at him. She was impressed by his knowledge. They passed by some tall trees and came to an old castle. Reading the inscriptions on the plaque which recounted the tragic historical events surrounding this place, she thought how sad it was to have everything you fought for came to nought.

Walking past more woods and through the valley paths, they finally came to a village and ended their trekking journey. They looked proudly at each other with a sense of achievement. He gave her a bear hug.

While she was freshening herself in the restroom, he called for the hotel limousine to fetch them and arranged for their dinner. When they arrived at the cosy little restaurant, the local cuisine of black pig grill and abalone seafood soup was served to them almost immediately. He even ordered soju. She looked at him with surprise and all he did was smiling at her and urging her to eat. He took his glass of soju and toasted to her.   

That night, while he was having his shower, she took out her mobile phone and sent a message to her manager, “Please tell them that I’m taking up their offer.”

(10.12.2013)