Its been almost a week since i started to drink...i can honestly say that it has gotten out of hand, but the way i look at it its just something to keeps the pain away. SM oppa canceled my upcoming scheduals cause he said that i need time to "grief" about appa. in reality he is trying to give me some time to get over my drinking habit i developed in such a short amount of time. ever since Kris, Chanyeol, and Tao picked me up that one time at a bar EXO woulnt let me go anywhere alone. it was like i had at least 2 members with me at all times. watching me, making sure i dont up again. i have to admit this behavior is very tiring but i dont think i can go back to my old self yet. i dont know how to explain it.... i just this is my way of throwing a tantrum. i stopped calling my oppas oppa.....stoped calling Kris boebei.....and it hurt, not only me but everyone else. i understand that but im just to stubborn to change now.

"Mei are you awake?"

i turn my head toward the bedroom door and spot boazi standing there. seeing the members give me this look....this look of pity, anger, sadness, worry...it hurts so i always try to avoid eye contact cause i just might break if i look at them and see what they are feeling.

"ye..."

i turned back over my back now facing him. i heard his footsteps enter my room after closing the door. i knew what was going to happen next and i knew that i wouldnt be able to hold back anymore if it does happen.

" get out."

i told him my voice lathered in venom.

"anniyo.....Mei, please look at me....talk to me....talk to oppa"

he said his voice filled with agaony, he sat on the bed next to me putting a hand on my shoulder. my heart was beating so fast i could hear the blood rushing in my ears,

"GET OUT!"

i yelled at him and swinged around to hit him. he grabbed both of my writsts and held me in my place.

"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM NOW! NO ONE SAID YOU WERE ALOOWED IN HERE GET OUT!!!"

by this point i was on the bridge of hysteria. my eye let lose to hot tears that ran down my face

"PLEASE!!!..........please..just get out o-o-oppa p-p-please.....leave" i sobbed sitting on the bed with boazi holding onto me. its finally happened.....my wall that ive been nuilding up for the past week started to sway and finally fell shaddering into dust. all i could do was just cry at that point. it felt like i was being into this gaint hole of just depressing .

" Mei...let it out...its about time you had a good cry" he held me and rocked my back and forth. at this point all the members have heard my screaming and they all rushed into the room. for about 20 minutes all i did was just my eyes run dry..i cried out my sarrow, my grief, my frusteration, and after that i started to accepet reality.

"oppa.....mianhae"

i looked up to Xiumin oppa. my eyes no longer just a blank pathway to nothingness. my eyes now seemed to have regainded the life i lost.

" chanyeol oppa...mianhae, Luhan oppa....mianhae, Jongin-ah...mianhae, Sehun-ah...mianhae, Tao-gege......mainhae, Suho appa....mianhae, DO omma....mianhae, Lay oppa.....mianhae, Chen oppa......mianhae, baekhyun oppa...mianhae"

i look at all of them directly in the eyes with tears running a river down my face and apoloziged for my rottin behavior that almost tore our family apart. i looked for a certin set of eyes and when i found them i didnt waste one minute to stand up and run to them. i crashed into his arm and inhaled his manly sent.

"Boabei....Mianhae Jebal mianhae.."

i hug onto him like i he was the only thing in the world that could stop me from falling.

" Genchwena....im glad that you back Mei....i missed you boabei" his words made me relize how much i actually hurt everyone.

" i love you and im sorry i took to long" i wispered in his ears since he was practilly carring me i didnt have to reach him

. " nado....nado.." we all ended up in the liviing area sitting in a circle on the floor.

" so you guys are probably wondering why i went bat crazy.." they all nodded in response. "well there is no point in hiding it anymore huh....well it all started when i found out i couldnt go to appas funeral....." the story went on for a few hours tears were shed not only from me but from some of the other sensitive members. i explained to them the whole reason of my mental breakdown. we all eneded up having a gaint sleepover in the livingroom. i was squized in the middle. 6 on one side and 6 on the other. it felt nice. like back in the day when our family was perfect with no drama. i wish this would never change.

     i woke up around 8:30am  when i heard my phone going off. everyone else were sccattered in the floor some laying like normal beings others looking contorted and freaky. i franticly looked for my phone when i found it under Kris, i pushed his body away from mine and he ended up cuddling Tao on his opposite side. i giggled at the the sence

. "Yobesayo?" i picked up the phone

" ah ne annyeong its SM." hes alittle cheerful this morning

"ye annyeong...whats up?" i asked causually like a used to always ask. there was a silent streak on the phone and i could just see SM oppa all flustered and confused

" a-ah ye uhmm Mei hi...yeah....uhm.....are you feeling better?" he asked all flustered.. i laughed

" ahhaha ne~ gamowo Oppa...for giving me time to find myself again."

"agioo~~~~~~~~ ne no problem anyway i have some good new for you"

good news?

"eh?"

"i ws able to work some things. pull some strings and i was able to arange a private funeral for you and EXO for your appa"

....private funeral?!

i get to see my appa again?

i get to say goodbye......finally set him on his way...

"....."

i had no words... my tears ran hot once again and i sat there in a daze.

" hello?....Mei~~  did you hang up on me?!" he sounded irritated

"a-ah anniya...uhm jjinja? "

"yes.....in 2 days so make sure your ready and prepared ara? see ya~" and he left with that.

    it was around 11 when everyone started to wake up. i was in my room on my computer checking up on some stuff i missed like a new group called GOT7 debuted.

"they altered my dance steps" i said out loud with a little frown on my face

. Kris came in when i said that.

"who did what?" he asked his hair all over the place. he looked like a lost puppy awwww~ kawaii >//< i turned to look at him

"morning~ this new group that just debuted i chero there dancce but they changed parts of it" i explained as i shut my laptop and walked toward the sleepy gaint. thats when he engolffed me in the biggest hug...ever

"mmm i could stay like this forever" he hummed in my hair.

"me too" i closed my eyes to savor this moment. then i felt a part of lips crash against mine. my eyes snapped open in shock...well its not like we havent kissed or anything else before i just wasnt expecting it. i kissed him back as my arm encircle his neck and his hands find there way to my waist. the kiss was filled with passioon and wanting.

it got alittle heated when his tounge and bit my bottom lip begging for a entrance. like always i open my mouth as he exploes every inch of me. my hands went to ohis head and tugged on his hair. he released my lips and traveled to my neck. to this point we were both panting and breathing heavly. he traveled and explored my jaw and neck. thats when i knew.

" Kris.....them members are here" i said in between breaths.

" i dont care" he said it almost sounding like a growl. i pushed him alittle. and glared at him

" keep it in your pants today big boy maybe other time"

i said as i gave him a quick peck on the lips and began walking out the room. i heard him groan in frusteration but followed me out nether the less.

      DO omma was already setting the table. we all sat around

...." err.....guys?"

i tried to get there attention but of course it was like a ing zoo at the table. so i had to take things to the extremem level...

"GUYS !!" i yelled. everyone stopped mid whatever they were doing.

" i got a call from SM appa this morning when you all were sleeping like animals" some giggled others started accusing and trying to guess who was sleeping like a .

" he pulled some serious CEO and got me and you guys a private funeral for my appa......we will be going to NY in 2 days" there faces were priceless. everyone sat there letting the info i just told them sink in....but... Tao tho.  stood up and started freaking.

"OMG NY!!! OMO OMO OMO~~~~~~ I NEED TO SEE HOW MUCH I CAN SPEND ON GUCCI"