(Part 5)

 We played pretend.

A game where I pretend nothing happened and you pretend I didn’t exist.

I pretended I didn’t kiss you back and that I didn’t start comparing Siwon’s kisses with yours, hoping that if I did somehow they would start tasting as sweet and you pretended you had forgotten every event after that would put us at the same room together.

I pretended to be happy. I busied myself settling everything for the wedding, smiling at sample photos of flowers and dresses, watching wedding footages only for my smile to waver when your face started popping on my mind on the part the couples said I do and kissed, and when I looked at you, hesitant and fearful, waiting for you to finally say something like stop or forget what I said, this is not really what I want, yet you pretended not to notice.

I pretended that I didn’t care because we’re sisters. Things like you stopping yourself from wanting me was suppose to make things feel right.

It’s not supposed to hurt.

No.

At least, never this much.

“Sweetie, is everything okay?”

My shoulder jerked in surprise and I immediately turned to where the voice had come from, My breath hitched when I saw Siwon sitting right beside me on the couch, whose worried face was only a few inches away from me. I squirmed on my seat, gently shrugging off his hand which was on my shoulders and scooted  away from him, “I’m fine. Sorry, I’m just- I’m just tired.”

His eyebrows furrowed; eyes full of worry. I winced when he reached for my hand. He noticed that but didn’t let go. He tugged on my hand, urging me to face him. I did but held my head low, “I’ve been speaking for quite a while now. I’ve been telling you options about where I’ve planned to buy our house but your mind seems to be somewhere else. Come on, tell me what’s wrong,” He ducked his head to look me in the eyes, offering a reassuring smile, his dimples showing.

A thin smile formed on my lips but didn’t reach to eyes. He chuckled when I poked his dimple, “I told you, babe. It’s nothing.”

His shoulder sagged as he heaved a sigh. He got off the couch and crouched in front of me, holding both of my hands as he looked up, “Fany-ah, I know everything about our relationship is going too fast. I mean, we’ve only been dating for, what, nine months? And we’re already getting married.  To be honest, I’ll be disappointed if you changed my mind about the marriage but if you did, I’ll understand.”

I opened my mouth to speak, wanting to deny but he gave me a favor and spoke before I could utter another lie.

“I love you, Fany-ah,” He said, giving my hands a squeeze, “It doesn’t matter when I marry you as long as I do. It’s okay if you don’t want to do this yet because I will always be willing to wait for you.” He brought my hands to his lips, kissing my knuckles as he looked at me behind his lashes, eyes full of warmth, security and love that I knew I didn’t deserve.

I bit my lips, looking away guiltily, breathing getting harder from the way Siwon’s expectant eyes stared at me as if waiting for an answer. He spoke when I didn’t.

“I will stay here, Fany-ah. I will never get tired of waiting for you to finally love me.”

My eyes widened at what I heard, “What are you saying? Siwon, I-“

“... don’t love me,” He continued my sentence for me and smiled sadly, quickly his lips before he looked at our hands, “Please don’t look at me like that. I already pity myself enough, Fany-ah,” He said with a dry laugh.

 “Babe, please,” I pleaded, shaking my head as I cupped his face to make him look at me, “Listen to me.”

“You don’t have to explain, Fany-ah,”

He held on my wrist to put my hands down before he stood up and my hand immediately dove for his to stop him from walking farther, from being too away far away for me to hold. When he turned to me, my heart clenched. There’s too much pain in his eyes that I held my breath at their sight. Why was I just noticing them now?

“I knew it from the start, okay? You didn’t love me. You still don’t and I’m fine with that. I just-,” His breath hitched. He turned around, taking a deep breath before he looked at me, strained smile on his face. His gulped and I knew he was swallowing the tears in the back of his throat. His lips quivered as he spoke, “I just- I love you too much that I couldn’t stop hoping. I-,” A tear escaped his eyes and he quickly wipe it with the back of her hand, jaw clenched. He opened his mouth to speak again but this time nothing comes out. He quickly turned, running his on hand on his hair, “I- I – Let’s talk about this- tomorrow, okay? I- I- can’t – I need to go,” His voice sounded so small.

I stood up and he quickly took his coat draped on the head on the couch and my throat tightened. The sight of his back heading to the door broke my heart. How could I do this? How could I hurt someone as kind and loving as Siwon? How could I not just love him instead?

For a moment I just stood there in complete silence. Earlier, when I realized that I’d be spending the day alone with Siwon today, I didn’t like the idea but right now I was nothing but thankful that nobody was around to witness what just happened.

The door closed with a slam and I felt myself suffocating. I held on my head, feet unconsciously dragging my feet to the door. My heart squeezed and dropped when I heard his car starting up.

‘Don’t go.’

‘Don’t go.’

My eyes widened in panic when the headlights of his car shone. It felt like a splash of water in the face.  

I sprinted out of the door, just in time his car was pulling out of the driveway.

“Don’t go!” I screamed as I ran, banging on the surface of his car, tears steadily falling for my eyes and I didn’t give an effort to stop them, “I’m sorry. Babe please~ Stop the car! Don’t go! Siwon!~ Listen, please! Please! Please~” I pleaded, moving my feet along the slowly moving car until I'm finally near enough to slap the window of the driver’s seat. I saw Siwon’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw me, like I just snapped him out of his reverie. His eyes were reddened from crying.

The car finally stopped and Siwon quickly got out.

“Tiffany?! What the hell are you-,”

I silenced him with a kiss, hard and desperate, urging him back until his back hit the car door, closing it behind. He didn’t respond at first and I didn’t stop, teeth nipping and pulling on lips until I felt hands grip on my hips and Siwon finally relaxed on my arms. He angled his head to make the kiss deeper and turned us around. I leaned my back against his car, hands cupping his face as he slapped his hands on either side of me, trapping me in between, our hips touching.

We were both heaving when Siwon pulled away from the kiss. His face was barely a few inches away from mine as he looked at me, thumb running on my swollen lips. He closed his eyes and nuzzled our noses before giving my lips a gentle peck.

“Please, don’t leave me too,” I pleaded as I held his gaze.

He tucked strands of my hair behind my ears and wiped away the tears sliding down my cheeks. Cupping my jaw, he kissed my forehead before he engulfed me into a tight embrace, chin resting on top of my head. I buried my face on his chest.

His voice was as clear as the beating of his heart.

“Never.”

That was all I needed to know.

When I pulled away, I kissed him again before I held his hand firmly and pulled him back to the house. My grip on him was tighter than I’ve ever done before and I didn’t let go even as I led him to the couch. With our fingers laced together, I straddled his lap, holding his gaze as I flipped my hair to one side and leaned down, peppering open mouthed kisses on the definition of his neck.  I could hear his breath hitched as I on the pulse point and the vibrations of his throat as he groaned  sent shiver down my spine. 

Siwon moved and suddenly my back was on the couch, hands pinned above my head. My chest was heaving; mouth agape as I panted and Siwon watched above me, eyes dark with want before head dipped down and he captured my lips with his. I felt him and I opened my mouth to let his tongue in, moans sealed by a languid kiss, fueling our desire.

As hands left mine and lips made their way down, I closed my eyes.

This time, I would make things right. 

Disclamer: Picture used in this chapter is not mine.