By the time I returned home, Nichkhun had already gone to bed, I stand in the doorway to the bedroom and watch him sleep, the light slipping through the door letting me see his calm, sleeping body.
For a moment I felt disgusted with myself, being with him and still loving Taecyeon.
I knew now how Taecyeon must have felt when Jay suddenly came back into our lives.
I pull his business card out of my pocket and stare at it for a while, debating with myself whether or not I should call him.
Taking my phone out and dialling the number on the card, I make my way to the bathroom, locking myself away like teenagers would do when they were having secret calls.
I wait for him to pick up, both hoping that he would and that he would not pick up.
He did pick up.

It felt like my heart skipped a beat when I heard his voice.
Oh how I had missed that deep, y voice of his.
I told him who I was, and his tone soon changed, he sounded excited now and he wasted no time asking me if I was available to meet him for lunch the next morning.
I tell him no, it was a lie, but what was I supposed to say really?
It felt like I was cheating on Khun already.
He asked to meet the day after tomorrow, and the day after that again when I again told him I was unavailable.
His persistence brought a smile to my face, letting me know that he did still care for me.
Eventually I gave in and agreed to meet with him on Saturday, four days from now.
I was already excited to see him again, to talk to him, smell him and touch him.
My eyes fell closed as I listened to his smooth voice telling me just how much he had missed me and how much he was looking forward to seeing me again, I felt like a teenager in love again.
I realized that I never really had gotten over Taecyeon in the first place, I had just suppressed those feelings, and for a moment it got me thinking, had Taecyeon felt the same way about Jay, or was that something different?
“Taecyeon?” I say, and he stops talking.
“Yeah what is it?” he asks me after a moment of silence.
“Is this a dream?” I ask him, again closing my eyes as I listen to his smooth voice.
“If it is, I never want to wake up,” he tells me, drawing a soft chuckle from my lips.
I felt the exact same way.
“I’ve really missed you Chan. After you left 2PM, I thought I’d never see you again.”
“I thought the exact same thing,” I respond in a surprisingly calm tone seeing as though my heart was beating like crazy.
“Chansung?” Taecyeon says my name, his voice giving off a hint of nervousness.
“Yeah?”
“It was really good seeing you again today.”
I smile when I hear him say that, the sincerity in his voice not even surprising me a little bit.
“It was nice seeing you again too. It’s getting late, we should both get some sleep,” I tell Taecyeon, nowhere near ready to say goodbye.
But we had to end this conversation now or else we would end up talking all night, not that it was a bad thing or anything.
I really wanted to know what my dearest Taecyeon had been up to since we last saw each other.
Taecyeon agreed that we should hang up and talk more the next morning, but neither one of us wanted to hang up first, so it took us a while until the conversation ended.

I put the phone by the sink as I ran myself a bath as I was in sore need of some relaxation.
A content sigh sneaks passed my lips as I sink my sore body into the tub filled with hot water.
I close my eyes as I enjoy the heat surrounding my sore body, even though I’ve been a bike messenger for three years, my body isn’t used to the workout it gives me.
I emptied my mind as I relaxed, letting the warm water work it’s magic on my sore muscles, but after a moment, thoughts of the old days started to fill my mind.
And after only a brief second I find myself sliding one of my hands down my torso and grab hold of my .
I mewl softly as I squeeze it, doing my best to match my actions with the way I remembered Taecyeon would touch me way back when we were happy together.
 As I start to tug on my in the same harsh way Taecyeon used to, I brought my other hand up to gently rub at one of my s, images of my lost lover’s body flashing through my mind.
I quicken the pace on my , making my ache a bit from the hard squeezes and tugs, but it felt so damn good I couldn’t stop.
My body shivers almost violently from the manhandling, it wasn’t used to be handled like this anymore.
I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to hold back a loud moan wanting to escape, I had already stopped feeling up my torso and was now only focusing on harshly pulling at my solid length.
My toes curls as I feel a wave of heat was over my body along with a building pressure in my lower abdomen.
I speed up my , squeezing my even more, and just when I felt I was about to burst I dug my thumb into the slit, drawing a loud gasp from myself as I shot my load.
“…” I curse breathlessly, a shiver running through my body as my give my a few more squeezes to empty it completely.
I lay back and closed my eyes, feeling exhausted, but soon after I opened them again and gazed over at the clock on the wall.
I smile spreads across my lips as I realize that it had only been three minutes.
It honestly felt like it had been at least 45 minutes, but three minutes didn’t seem that surprising, because it had after all been over six years since my had last been handled like that.
The smile stays as my thoughts wanders back to Taecyeon, he was like a naughty dream, my naughty dream.

The guilt of what I had just done didn’t come crashing down over me until I had returned to the bedroom and saw Nichkhun sleeping there, just as peacefully as ever.
Damn…
Now I really know what Taecyeon must have gone through.
I felt horrible for what I had done, absolutely horrible.
When I slipped under the covers, I stayed on my side of the bed as I felt myself unable to cosy up to my lover, the guilt already eating away at me.
After a few seconds I felt Nichkhun move on the bed, rolling over close to me and holding on tightly.
I close my eyes and try to fall asleep, but I was unable to.
The way my lover was snuggling into me made me feel sick to my stomach, not only for the thing that I had done in the bathroom few minutes ago, but because I realized now that I don’t even love Nihkhun.
I never did.