It felt like the whole world going against me. And I don't have the power to counter it. I couldn't breathe at that moment. 

***

The atmosphere in the classroom was a little odd. It was probably so because I came to school. I looked at the empty table behind me, it was Shinjoo's seat. Life felt even tougher and cruel without her here. It was never my intention to push her out the window, but students that saw me pushing her assumed everything. 

-1 year ago-

Shinjoo and I were in the classroom alone. I have always enjoyed her ccompany, I mean, what will I be without her? Then her gaze and her tone became serious. She looked at me and said, she was sorry for what happened to me. It was odd. We've been friends ever since we were in elementary school and she was always there for me. There was no reason she should feel sorry. However, I could not accept what she explained to me in the next 5 minutes. I didn't want to believe at first. And I asked her if it was a joke. But there was no sign of joking. She told me she couldn't get over what she had done to me, and so she went by the window. I tried to stop her, althought I admit that I hated her at that moment. Her last sentence to me was, "Forget the incident that happened to you, by forgetting this unfaithful friend of yours." I reached out to grab her but it was too late. Apparently the others came in and saw, which they thought I was trying to pushed her down. 

For all this time, I didn't admit if I did pushed her down or not. I was already in shock what Shinjoo told me. I didn't want to tell people what Shinjoo had did because it was just too ugly to bring it up.

Sometimes, I face Shinjoo's seat behind me and say, "Shinjoo ah, talk to me." Probably that's why I was named Michinkae. I couldn't forgive Shinjoo anyway, but the more I couldn't forgive myself for not reaching Shinjoo's arm early enough before she dropped to her death.

***

"Yah, are you alright?" Joonwoo tapped my shoulder. I didn't look up. "You said no one knew your story. And I figured out that it was because you didn't tell anyone. You want to tell me?" he continued. He found me again, at the abandoned park. I turned to him, "aigoo, what are you going to do if I told you. Pity me?" I gave a smirk. "Maybe I can help, so just tell me. It will be better to say it out." his expression was spilling with concern. Tears welled up my eyes, threatened to spill any moment. 

My voice was shaky. "I was . And the worst part is, my best friend told her father to me."