Part 7: Invisible Love

 

 

“The room reservation was made under the name of Kim Jaejoong...” Yunho spoke in fluent Japanese as he waited for her to key in the data.

 

A promise that he never made it official with Jaejoong but he fulfilled it anyway for the sake of love. It never actually took him that long to consider the invitation; just one night...

 

...no...just one trip back to his office, a simple arrangement to reschedule everything and it’s done...all that left for him is to pack and wait for the date to come...he did it because he love Jaejoong and that love alone is a concrete reason for him to just say yes to the vacation.

 

And there he is, standing at the lobby of a five-star hotel with the indefinable nervousness, ready to check in. Ready to surprise Jaejoong.

 

“Jung Yunho san...”

 

“Ah yes...”

 

The girl handed him the room key while smiling at him.

 

“You’re very handsome...” Her straightforward compliment caused Yunho’s cheeks to blush in rosy colour.

 

It’s been a while since he carries the new image and he admits that his new appearance do contributed in boosting up his confidence level but as much as he loves the attention given, it’s still hard for him to get used to be complimented. He often ignored it and there were even times where he would look back twice, thinking that it was actually meant for somebody else.

 

“Thank you...” Yunho replied shyly.

 

“We wish you a wonderful time while staying here...”

 

Yunho was about to reply her when he noticed her sudden change of expression. Something or someone just caught her attention resulting in her face to shine brighter. He could swear that he did see her pupil dilated. Then she titled her body forward to Yunho slightly.

 

“There he is at 9 o’clock...another handsome man just entered...he’s the VIP here...” She motioned with her eyes, asking Yunho to take a peek.

 

Feeling somewhat intrigued, Yunho turned around and pleasantly surprised when the one he saw is none other than Kim Jaejoong. Excited and delighted, he was about to shout out his name when he realized that Jaejoong’s not alone. There are two other people accompanied him and judging from the way they communicate with each other, they are either his business partner or his client.

 

Either way, meeting Jaejoong at that time wouldn’t be a good idea so he decided to give him a call after he finished checked into his room later on. That’s what he’s planning to do except that his presence was discovered by Jaejoong first at the moment he casually glanced to his direction.

 

“Yunho-ah~!”

 

His steps halted and his big eyes bulging bigger as his gaze centered on Yunho. Standing stiffly on the same spot, just several steps away from where Yunho stand, Jaejoong’s action aroused the curiosity from the other two.

 

Something’s wrong, Yunho realized as he scanned Jaejoong’s face, saw the tension in it. Rather than surprised, Jaejoong looks rather.....shocked? It’s just like they weren’t supposed to meet there? And the next thing that came out from Jaejoong’s mouth, confirmed it.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“What do you mean by what am I doing here? You suggested to have a vacation with me and you even gave me the ticket 2 days ago, remember?”

 

Jaejoong crinkled his eyebrows in bewilderment. The silence filled up the air and for one moment there, they’re not speaking a word. And one moment is what Yunho need for him to notice one important detail about Jaejoong that day.

 

“Jae.” It slipped from his Yunho’s mouth when the realization hit him.

 

It wasn’t Jaejoong but Jae. Because they are basically the same, Yunho learned to differentiate them by taking note and memorized even to the smallest distinction. And Jae’s eyes, no matter how much enthralling they can be and even with the most expensive light illuminating the hotel, making those two eyes dazzlingly glowing; it still couldn’t hide the sorrow in it.  

 

“I...I’m...I’m sorry...I guess, I forgot...” Flustered at the sudden prompt, he replied, barely comprehending his words.

 

So it’s really Jae – Yunho noted. That statement went deep into his heart – echoing purposefully to convince him that it’s really Jae he’s staring at. Knowingly that it’s really Jae...the unexplainable happiness, the unexpressed joy flooded into his heart.

 

Showing a reaction that he shouldn’t have, he never knew how much he really miss him till that very second. He wanted to touch him, longing to hold him and wanted to call his name once again. So he did.

 

“Jae...”

 

“I-I’m really sorry Yunho-ah...the works...I-” Jae couldn’t think properly.

 

His action wasn’t synchronised with what he’s thinking or anything that he tried to initiate. He still couldn’t believe to see Yunho’s standing right in front of him. He’s not supposed to be there.

 

“I...” He paused and his lips out of habit when he’s overwhelmed with the nervousness. Glancing at Yunho and smiled shakily at him, he inhaled deeply.

 

“I’ll finish my works first...in the meantime, you go and have some rest...we’ll meet later, okay...”

 

Yunho nodded and smiled reassuringly. Jae smiled back at him before he picked up his steps where he left just now.

 

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It’s time for them to expand their business to every city of Japan - he shoved that very lame excuse to JJ and Joongie so that he can avoid Yunho. A mere unplanned project somehow turning huge and he thought, oh well, might as well follow the flow. Anything is fine as long as he can indulge himself on something other than Yunho and Joongie’s matter.

 

It might seem like it wasn’t the right time; a bit heartless for him to get busy especially when Joongie’s in that condition. But the whole travelling to every part of Japan isn’t entirely about business. Business was the least of his concern. Unknown to his dongsaeng-deul; he’s actually searching for the suitable donor for Joongie.

 

The result so far? None. He was thinking to go to Okinawa after he conclude his meeting with his business partners but somehow his plan will have to take an abrupt detour when Yunho suddenly turned up at the hotel.

 

And his reaction would be? Of course, he’s shocked!

 

His heart stopped beating for a moment when he saw Yunho then the beats continued and started to multiply. Happy? Yes, he was happy. But that it’s not what he wanted to be. That feeling isn’t supposed to exist!

 

On his way to meet Yunho, Jae was still trying to digest the whole ‘vacation’ with Yunho. Who’s responsible for it?

 

“JJ...it must be JJ...because I forced him to replace me while I’m gone...this must be some kind of payback...” He mumbled and nodded; pretty convinced that it was JJ who’s setting him up.

 

It couldn’t be Joongie. Yes, Joongie wouldn’t do this. There’s no reason for him to send Yunho away from him to be with his hyung. It’s illogical and unacceptable.

 

When he reached to that conclusion, he’s already standing at the front door of Yunho’s hotel room. The guilt, the nervousness washed over him all at once. Guilty; because this is the longest charade he’s ever playing with someone and nervous; because he’s running out of idea on how he should play the role next.

 

His feeling is getting stronger and he couldn’t see his way out. Despite his conscience’s nagging badly at him, somehow he couldn’t find a room for regret in his heart. Meeting Yunho had given him a lot; taught him a lot. And most recently is how falling in love feels like. Because it’s wonderful, it makes him feel terrible.

 

Oh God! What should he do? All he wants to do is to make Joongie happy.

 

“Jae?”

 

His body jolted when his name was called. He glanced up to see Yunho’s holding the door and he’s staring at him.

 

“What are you doing?” 

 

“I...”

 

“Never mind...please come in...”

 

“W-wait...I thought we’re going to have dinner together?” Frowning, Jaejoong questioned Yunho’s action – inviting him in when they’re supposed to go out.

 

“Yes...I’ve ordered room service...” Grinning, Yunho pushed the door wider so that Jaejoong could see the table he’s prepared.

 

Now that the view fully visible to his eyes; Jae scanned the room and saw the fully setup table nearby the open terrace. For one who claimed that he doesn’t have a lover before, Yunho knows what to do and how to impress someone. And he did it well. Anyone would feel touched to be treated like that.

 

“I really hope you would like it...”

 

Jae’s gaze fell back to Yunho’s face. The blush colouring his face; along with the anticipation of what would come out from his mouth next. And when he didn’t show a response, the smile on Yunho’s face losing its light.

 

“It’s a bit too much, isn’t? We should go to the restaurant...let me grab the jacket and we can go-”

 

Jae laid his hand firmly on Yunho’s before he could move.

 

“I like it...”

 

“...a lot...”

 

Yunho glanced back at him, showing a slight hint of disbelief; thinking that Jae’s probably just spouting words of comfort. And of course Jae noticed it.

 

“It looks to me that this might not be your first time doing something like this...”

 

“It is!” Yunho quickly clarified and he exclaimed it with a serious face.

 

“It’s just some stuff I learned from the movie...” He added and his foolish grin widened.

 

Jae could never guess how far he’s falling until that very moment. With his heart unsteady, the smile spread on his face as the tears started to sink his heart.

 

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The dinner went well with Yunho did most of the talking and now they’re out of the hotel, standing just outside the convenience store while eating ice-creams – Yunho suggested, of course. He insisted that taking a stroll on the street will help him to appreciate the surrounding and knowing the place better. Jae on the other hand just nodded, didn’t really against it.

 

His mind’s too fuzzy for him to even think straight. Whatever Yunho said, he just says yes.

 

Yunho noticed for a while now, that Jae was a bit obedient today. Normally, if he doesn’t feel like to, he would just brush him off coldly. Jae looks different that day and it’s bothering him too much for him just ignore it. There’s another thing he never realized it before, not until now.

 

Jae’s rarely talk.

 

Jae sometimes would grumble, showing that he’s annoyed with his babbling but he never actually stops him from talking. He would continue to listen to him like it’s the world biggest attraction. Maybe because he’s a serious type, he looks more comfortable by being on the listening side. That’s what Yunho thought, unless Jae has so many secrets that he would like to keep it hidden under the radar, who knows?

 

But if it’s all because of his identity, he has nothing to worry about- if only he could say it to Jae like that.

 

Yunho stood silently next to Jae who’s onto his ice-cream like a soulless human being. Just like always, he casted his gaze on the faraway place – on the sky where the stars resides. He looked at it almost unblinking with those eyes. Those eyes – they’re like carrying the unshakable sorrow and the incurable pain. Even if he doesn’t let it out, he looks so vulnerable and Yunho just want to reach hold him, hug him and makes him happy.

 

“Jae...”

 

Jae went ‘hmm’ and gave him a glance.

 

Yunho finished the last drop of the ice cream and threw the stick into the dustbin, running his tongue over his lips first before he speaks.

 

“Let’s play a game...”

 

“Game?”  Jae’s brow rose.

 

“Umm...” Yunho took his time, drawing tissue from his pocket to wipe his hand and hand another to Jae.

 

“Rock, Scissor, Paper...the one who lose will have to carry the winner all the way back to the hotel...piggy back style...”

 

“Seriously?!” Jae said with a rising note of excitement.

 

“That’s right...”

 

“It’s a childish game, don’t you think?” Jae replied, snickering.

 

“That what makes it so fun...you taught me...” Yunho stressed out the end of his sentence.

 

“More like torturing...piggy back you while climbing the stairs...it’s fun, even though it’s ridiculous...I have muscles thanks to you...” Yunho stated proudly while patting both of his arms.

 

As the smile on his face spread bigger, the smile on Jae’s face faded a little because he knew it wasn’t him, Yunho’s talking about. It’s JJ without a doubt. Yunho’s making tons of memories during those times he disappeared. His heart twanged with jealousy because it’s not with him.

 

“Don’t be so cocky...just so know...I’m really good at Rock, Scissor, Paper...” Nibbling his lips with the flowing excitement, Jae exclaimed while rubbing both of his hands together. His spirit suddenly boosted up when he thought that this is the chance for him to create memories with Yunho for as much as he could.

 

“I know...that’s the source of my firm muscle...” Yunho eagerly emphasized it, making all his teeth obvious when he’s grinning.

 

In responding to that silly statement, the laughter unconsciously slipped out from Jae’s mouth and it surprised Yunho. That laughter just now marked the first time Jae ever laughed freely and that was also the biggest, the purest smile gifted from Jae. His heart jumped.

 

The game is not yet starting but Yunho’s already defeated. If that’s the only way he could see Jae’s smiling like that, even the word defeat sounds like a wonderful thing.

 

“Rock, Scissor, Paper!” Both of them shouted in unison as they threw their hands according to what they’ve planned inside their minds and rather than winning, Yunho was actually aiming for the losing. And his wish was granted on the first try.

 

“YEAH~!!! I WIN~!!!”

 

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When he hopped on Yunho’s back, he was almost hit with regret. He stayed stiffly in that position with his arms clung to Yunho’s neck. It was so stiff that he could feel his body’s sliding down.

 

“Hold onto me tightly...”

 

Jae was hesitated to do it not because he’s scared that Yunho might drop him, he’s scared that Yunho might find out what he’s hiding inside his heart. He tried to avoid making a close body contact with Yunho, afraid that Yunho might hear the increasing sound of his wild beating hearts. But it was hard. Unless he was attempting on doing stunt on the street in the middle of the night - tumbling backward with his head drilling the road - then it’s very much impossible.

 

“You can trust me...” Yunho’s voice resonated straight into his ear like a spell that he’s bound to oblige.

 

Despite his mind rebelliously against the idea, his body surprisingly cooperated well, the arms around Yunho’s neck; he extended further to the front, clinging tighter but not to the extent choking the latter. Slowly and cautiously, he rested his chin on top of Yunho’s shoulder.

 

“Are you sure you really want to do this? Its 45 minutes walk back to the hotel, you know...”

 

“I know...”

 

“You don’t have really do this, you know that right...”

 

To Jae’s shock, Yunho turned to look at him. Their faces were too close, so close that he could feel the warmth of Yunho’s breath on his cheek. Close enough that he could see his own face reflected on Yunho’s orbs.

 

“I know...but I still want to...” Yunho said without a blush, his smile was as fast and as bright as lightning – Jae thought his breath was robbed when he saw it - before he looked away. Only pride kept him from gasping for an air.

 

The beating of his heart matched the pace of Yunho’s footsteps – slower at the beginning and faster as he’s getting used to it. It’s already past midnight but the street is still lively with the bright neon signs, the groups of people; most of them weren’t look sober enough though.

 

“If someone saw us like this, during this period of time, they’d mistakenly presuming that I was dead drunk and had to be carried back to the hotel...then my credibility would go ‘poof’ in a blink of an eye...” Jae tried to soften the tense by making a conversation, a small talk or whatever. As long as it could divert Yunho’s attention from focusing on him or rather his heart in particular.

 

Yunho responded with a soft chuckle before he shook his head.

 

“If they’re out at the time like this, they’re probably aren’t that sober either...they might saw us but I doubt they’d remember tomorrow...Given their condition at the time, I don’t think they would want  to remember about it...”

 

He would – Jae thought. It’s not every day that they can be together like that, so he would definitely want to remember it.  

 

As he’s listening to Yunho’s experience and all sort of incidents that happened at the ‘Soulmate’; his body gradually relaxing after sometimes. He wasn’t really sure about it but he noticed the subtle nervousness in Yunho’s voice too. It’s becoming obvious when he laughed at his own jokes and Jae couldn’t help but to laugh along even though it’s not funny.

 

“We’re here...”

 

As soon as they arrived at the park Yunho was talking about just now, Jae immediately jumped off Yunho’s back and got to his feet.

 

“Thank you very much for the ride~” Jae tapped on Yunho’s back with a chuckle.

 

Giving his clothes a little bit of adjustment, he then moved to the front, walking ahead of Yunho while humming softly.

 

“Jae...”

 

“Hmmm?” Jae stopped walking and turned around.

 

Yunho took his times to catch his breath and with slow steps, he started to go after Jae. One after another; foot by foot with his eyes remains locked on him – scared to look away, scared that they would grow apart just by an inch more.

 

There’s a small gap left and before he took that one last step closer to Jae, he reached out for Jae’s hand.

 

“Yunho-ah...What’s wrong?”

 

“You said it before...you’d only accept it when I’m fully ready to make a commitment to you... when I’m serious about you...when I can love you with no regret...”

 

It?

 

Accept what exactly?

 

Jae furrowed his brows – another memory that he couldn’t even recall because it’s not his. Was it JJ? Joongie perhaps? But definitely not him. In confusion, he saw Yunho inserted his hand into the pocket and pulled out something tiny and shiny.

 

“...when I can love you without any reason and love you just the way you are...when I can imagine us spending our time in the future and grow old together...”

 

Jae’s breath caught at his throat when he realized that it’s actually a ring! He was about to take a step back of retreat when the voice inside his head forbids him to. This is not about him. It’s never about him. It’s about Joongie. He’s doing it for Joongie.

 

“It’s not that expensive when compared it to the one you bought...” Yunho slipped the ring on his finger.

 

“Kim Jaejoong...I really love you...and I want to spend my whole life with you...”

 

“Y-Yunho-ah...”

 

He bit his lips and his hand slipped out from Yunho’s grasp weakly. To him who loves Yunho, Yunho leisurely said the words that are driving him crazy. Jae lowered his lashes and then closed it, suppressing the heartache that threatened him to bleed in tears.

 

Yes, he’s doing it for Joongie. But pretending to be someone that he’s not...and the lies... he doesn’t think that he can do it anymore. He opened up his eyes after one deep breath and met Yunho’s eyes.

 

“Yunho-ah...the truth is-”

 

“Please don’t do this...” Yunho cut him off. He shook his head and repeated the same sentence for the 2^nd times.

 

“I don’t know what really happened...but Jae, it feels like you’re slipping away from me...I don’t know for what reason...I’m confused!”

 

“But watching you like this...I know it for sure that you’re someone that I can’t live without...I don’t wanna lose you...”

 

“I really love you.” Yunho spoke with an earnest expression written on his face.

 

Jae felt the leapt in his chest. That confession of love, it would be really good if it’s really meant for him. Knowing that it’s not, the tears spilled onto his cheeks. Even though he really loves Yunho, he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t even show it.

 

“Jae...” Yunho took him by surprise when he drew him closer, into his arms. And gently, he laid his lips on Jae’s, kissing him tenderly.

 

He wanted to push him. He wanted to resist him. He wanted to do everything besides accepting it but in vain, he couldn’t. He couldn’t do something that his heart’s yearning for. And the soft touch of Yunho’s hands against his skin, the way he held him inside his arm and the kiss...the kiss especially - he’s completely enfeebled.

 

“Yunho-ah...”

 

‘Do you know how much I love you?’ – Those words he’s dying to scream out; not as Joongie but as him in person, he wouldn’t allow it to slip out from his mouth. Let it be invisible. It's better for his feeling to be buried deeply. Heartbreakingly, he faked a happy smile he’s not feeling when Yunho pulled him in a deep hug. Yunho’s long fingers tangled in his hairs, it softly. He closed his eyes tightly when he was awarded another kiss on his cheek, his temple.

 

*Jae’s POV

Joongie-ah...you found a wonderful person...I’m proud of you for choosing him...as a hyung, I know...and I can tell it that he’s going to make you the most happiest person in this world...his honesty, his sincerity and his foolish love...he’s the perfect person for you...the only thing that left for you to do is to survive...

 

...and in order to make it happen...hyung will have to do what I have to do...

 

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A/N: Another update~ Please support me by subscribing and comments are most welcomed~ thanks^^