-Jaejoong POV-

Since i came back to korea, i knew , i really knew myself, i can’t fool my heart, i keep wonder about changmin and yunho, how can i forget about them? , no! I can’t , i knew that karam is closed with changmin, i’m happy cause changmin treated him well.god has his own way to make this two brother to met each other, i knew i’m selfish enough to keep loving him even though i was hurted him, and i knew the scars i made to yunho is never heal, i knew he hurted so much and it make me screwed, i couldn’t change the past, i wish that i can, i wish i can come back to the day when i let him to let me go, i should stop him from doing so, this is the selfish side of me, honestly my relationship was end with yoochun when the day yunho figure it out about us, but just, i wanna see , how much yunho love me and will fight for me, i hope he tied me on our bed and make sure that i won’t go away from him even an inch, but that just a hallutination of me, yunho never did it, he didn’t fight for me, i’m not worth enough for it, i want to punish him with run away with yoochun but instead i punish myself cause i ever let the one and only man i love in this earth to be hurted, i should go to the deeepest hell and let the fire burn me and my sin, even though i’m doing so, my love for him won’t stop, never change.

In the other cast, i coldn’t hurt yoochun, he is too good for it, i wonder he knew the truth inside my heart, but he blind himself for the name of love, what love ? what kind of love is this? , i can’t love him back,but i also couldn’t make it right with yunho anymore, i ruined everything, i ruined it bad, so bad, i was so far that time, i played with them heart.

             i just wanna see yunhos sincerity and how hard he will fight for me, all i want is yunho but he don’t want me anymore, may be i should call myself or , i stay here and try to fooling myself and yoochun for the sake of my ego, i should think that time before this is all late, but i guess i’m so late, nothing i can do except continue to live in lie, for karam sake.

“umma, are you ok?”

Karam tapped my shoulder, i was lost in my thought, i almost break down and cry.

“nae, ppalli eat yor breakfast, you will late for your school.”

Im  waiting him and yoochun to eat breakfast together, this routine always bring me the old memories,it flash like i just in the same room to the time when i ate at my new dining table with yunho for the first time, we smile like a kid, just because we can bought the dining table, live with yunho is like playing everyday, i miss playing.

“where is appa?”

“he will join us soon,”

Karam smile at me, his smile look like yunho alot, i almost flincs everytime he smile.

“umma, you look pale, are you really alright?”

“nae...nae..umma fine.really, may be umma just lacking with sleep.”

Yeah, i’m lacking with sleep, i couldn’t sleep, yunho sad and hurtfull eyes when we met at the restourant don’t want to leave me, it stabbed me.

“appa..”

Yoochun approaching us still busy with his tie, i get up from my sit and fix his tie, karam give us the teasing eyes, who did this thing to my yunho?.

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I decided to buy a new furnitures ,and then may be find some beautifull flowers, i was borring in house when yoochun goes to work and karam goes to school, i take my black BMW and drive it to the center of soul, i should visit my mom house and go shopping with her, but even though my mother being nice to me after i divorced from yunho.

            My mother already asked my forgiveness cause she ever throwed her only daughter to the street just  because the ‘wrong man’ she choosed as her husband,my relationship with my family just gone weird, only junsu my lovely cousin i feel fine and comfort with him,me and my mom just cold,i guess i don’t deserve her nice cause i never feeling sorry to choose yunho over her, in fact i still love the man she hate the most. I know she feeling safe right now, cause she have her son-in-law she ‘dreaming of’, rich.

I parked my car beside black audi, wow, i want to have this one too, not bad i thought, i fixed my make up and i smile, i know my beauty is still here, even though i was 36 now.my high heels make sounds when i steps as i walk.

i thought my eyes is playing trick with me, but i’m not, i saw yunho walking with a woman, he wore a brown coat and white shirt , brown tie too, i wonder who’s put it so nice to him, that woman?.

I end up stalking him, this is not wrong right? I just want to know, i should curious right? What is my ex-husband do? Is he already have a new wife?,he didn’t buy anything, he just pointed to many thing and i saw the woman beside him write it on his tablet, so i guees that women is just his secretary, i breath in relieved. Can i ?, i know i miss him, even though i was know that the woman is not his affair, still i decide to stalking him today, this is a fresh thing to do, i’m not a bad woman right? This is ok for yoohun right? I didn’t do anything, i just wanna watch him from a distance, should i take yunho picture, he is so handsome in his brown coat, his glasses, his hair, he is so handsome, always, my man...no.my ex-man.

I keep following him , i want to know his place, where he stay right