Identity
Overweight, yet Loving You
Walking through the locker area every morning is Yun's least favourite time of each day.
The constant shuffling of moving feet, partnered with the murmur of hushed conversation before the first lecture of the day, does nothing except add to the girl's insecurities.
Where are they going?
What are they whispering?
Are they moving away from her?
Are they talking about her behind her back?
Questions without finalized answers cloud her mind, as the overweight choral singer makes her way over to a group of girls gathered near the lockers located at the end of the corridor.
"Yun! Good morning!" a chorus of singsong voices chirp in harmony.
Perhaps the smiles and the waves were as far as their friendship went - but Yun is infinitely grateful to the girls from her choir group for even acknowledging her presence. There's the lovable alto voice with a radiant smile, an opera enthusiast nursing big dreams, and the gentle soprano with top grades in every subject.
And then...there's Lee Yun.
Lee Yun doesn't know whether she can be considered 'intelligent' or 'easygoing', but she's probably...not a bad person.
On the outside, she appears to others with an image that declares she doesn't have a care in the world; an image that reassures her outer appearance doesn't have any influence on her inner beauty. But on the inside, she is a critical perfectionist. A perfectionist who can only see the imperfections, the weaknesses, and the ugly scars on herself.
The girls are forever supportive and mindful of her feelings in trying to not bring up the subject of weight, and it's not like Yun shows her insecurities constantly in public. She's fat, but she does have her pride, and she does have her good points.
She's not the top of class, but always manages at least B+. She's always given the highest and lowest notes to sing in choir, the hardest melodies to accompany on the piano, and the most capable chamber group to conduct. All in all - Lee Yun is not lacking in any area.
It's also not like Yun isn't pretty - it's just that it's so much harder to look great with bulging bags of fat circling your torso and thighs.
A simple dress could turn out to look like a potato sack when it's sized XXXXL, and even a 2cm thick eyeliner is half hidden and smudged under oily mono-lids.
»«
Walking to her usual seat near the left side of the classroom, Yun scans her eyes around the room nervously - looking for the dreaded flash of dyed red hair and listening for the tell tale click of suede shoes.
The hall is already filled with students; all 200-something people majoring and minoring in Drama gathered into the one room for an end of semester lecture. Chatter and movement decorates the atmosphere, and Yun soon spots the beautiful hair of her dear friend at their usual seat.
"He's not here yet?" Yun asks Yubi as she cautiously pulls out a chair, settling her bag down for the lecture with a sigh of relief. Maybe he's busy today - maybe it's a different lecturer for this lesson. Maybe--
An all too familiar figure walks to the front of the room at that moment, and catches her eye from across the lecture hall.
"GOOD MORNING, PIG!"
Hundreds of pairs of eyes turn to the girl being addressed by the lecturer.
"G-good morning, sir."
Yun doesn't really know for sure, but she considers herself as a person who isn't easily depressed.
She's shy and conservative; but she's also hard working and talented.
But when a grown adult who holds an important status in society labels you as a 'pig', anyone is bound to receive a painful blow to their self esteem.
The usually kind smile and "how are you today" is instead replaced with a forced twitch of the lips and a half-hearted nod in greeting.
Sara, a girl in the same year and major as Yun, is the first to notice that something is off. "Hey, you okay?" a hand moves to Yun's shoulder in concern, "you don't look so good..."
"She's probably upset about what happened with 'him' earlier," a boy sitting beside her tips her off while Yun sighs into her desk.
The 'him' is a well-known lecturer at the university, which goes by the name of Mr. Choi, and is the head of department for Performance Arts. Other than being known for his sharp tongue and harsh critique, his unceasingly bad humour and hurtful comments bring many students' head down time and time again.
On countless occasions, Yun has auditioned for leading roles in plays and musicals due to her singing abilities. But those attempts at fame would always be rejected by Mr. Choi, under the explanation of 'we need someone who is able to at least stand on the stage without blocking the lights,' or 'you can come back after visiting a plastic surgeon.'
This class is the foundation of our thesis paper this semester... Yun closes her eyes and breathes deeply, I'll be fine...I won't let his words get to me...I've been through much worse, this isn't a big deal...
»«
*Two years ago, Yun's third year in high school*
Long, slender fingers with skin as smooth as a female's gracefully yet firmly over the piano keys.
"I... lost my mind
Noreul choeummannasseultte
No... hanappego modeungoseun Get in slow motion
Nege marhejwo ige sarangiramyon"
"Kya! Baekhyun oppa!"
"Please give me your signature!"
"Do you have a girlfriend?!"
Perched artistically upon one-third of his piano stool, the boy currently being surrounded by screaming girls in all directions lifts a hand to wave to everyone in an awkward manner. His long, slender fingers move with elegance in the air, whereas his tongue darts out to a line of nervousness along his bottom lip.
Smiling gracefully at everyone from his seat on the small piece of furniture, the boy makes sitting at a piano for hours on end seem like the most natural and comfortable relaxation.
Looking at Baekhyun from afar, Yun smiles appreciatively as he catches her eye amongst the crowd.
Once upon a time, Baekhyun used to be just like Yun. He was chubby, unpopular, and Yun was his only friend.
Throughout primary school and halfway into middle school, Baekhyun and Yun would always stick together in order to keep each other company through all the teasing of other kids. But sometime between the last year of middle school and the summer break before high school started, Baekhyun suddenly grew ten centimeters and gained surprisingly solid muscles across his back. His high school debut caused girls all over the school campus to gossip and giggle, and Baekhyun himself slowly began to bask in the attention.
Puberty, on the other hand, wasn't so nice to Yun.
However, Baekhyun didn't ignore Yun just because he was suddenly the most wanted boy in school. To Yun, he is the most wonderful, considerate, talented, and by far the kindest boy that has ever existed on this earth. He is humorous, observant and extremely romantic (although that last one hasn't ever been directed towards his overweight friend before). You'd also think that puberty would change his beautiful, angelic voice into something more coarse and rough. But no, not for Baekhyun - the addition of the slightly husky quality in his songs only add a certain sensuousness to his tone.
All in all; Byun Baekhyun is perfect in Yun's eyes. He is everything that she loves, yet he is everything that she can never have.
Yun could never get Baekhyun to love her - that much she understood. Because the one weakness the nearly-perfect man has, would probably be his raging hormones.
Byun Baekhyun is a ert behind his cherub's appearance.
His eyes are naturally prone to direct side long glances at girls with long legs and S-line bodies. His throat constricts and his palms grow clammy if a girl with big s talks to him casually.
Yun, however, almost has a third uality in the eyes of her teenage male peers - she is neither a man, nor woman.
»«
"Yun!" Baekhyun calls to his friend from the center of the swarming fan girls, his inhumanly beautiful hands barely visible above of the excitedly bobbing heads of screaming females.
The girl points towards the cafeteria wordlessly, indicating to him to find her there when he frees himself from the crowd.
Dejectedly, Yun sighs as she directs herself towards the food smells wafting into the corridors from the school kitchen.
Baekhyun had originally been demonstrating EXO's new pre-debut song to Yun, before his voice attracted domino-effect attention to the secluded music room.
Not that she wasn't used to these kind of scenes - but it's just...sometimes a person like Yun needed to feel special too.
Walking to the back of the line at the school's lunch buffet, the chubby girl grabs five plates of side dishes before placing them onto her tray along with the miso soup and rice.
"Hey, pig belly! Why don't you put all those dishes back? You look pregnant enough as it is!" a group of drama students chortle loudly as I pass their table. "Oh wait, in order to become pregnant you'd need to at least get laid first!" The guy who spoke laughs loudly at his own jokes, obviously enjoying the way Yun's shoulders hunch forward in shame and how her hand automatically places one dish back onto the counter.
Trying to ignore their verbal abuse, Yun peeps around shyly and finds an empty table to sit at while curious heads turn to assess her body fat. Yeah, I'm fat, laugh all you want, she thinks bitterly to herself. It's not that I don't want to become skinnier - I just can't resist when there are so many delicious foods begging to be tasted in the world!
Ice cream that melts almost instantly at the tip of your tongue.
Chocolate that allows you to savour the sweetness.
Burgers that promise a range of meats and juicy vegetables as soon as you take the bite.
Even kimchi brings a sense of satisfaction with it's salty quality!
"Yah, what did you just say to that girl?" a familiar voice walks towards the table who had previously shouted abuse, "apologize right now; you're all second years right?"
"Yes...Baekhyun sunbae-nim..." a few stood up hesistantly, and bows in Yun's general direction.
"We're huge fans of yours oppa!" two girls gush as Baekhyun turns to smile at Yun reassuringly, "please sign for us!"
Baekhyun looks back to humourlessly smirk at them, all traces of his seraphic demeanor gone as he glares at them without amusement, "Real fans of mine respect each other - not shout abuse at my best friend."
A/N: Merry Christmas! I'm alive <3 btw clothing size XXXXL does actually exist - but in Korean size; so that's equivalent to about size L or XL in American size?
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