I think I’m in love

 

That’s what I said to myself couple of months ago when I felt something inside my stomach while looking at her face. Her hands played with my hand. Rubbing the backhand, the palm, the wrist, the fingers, pinched it, massaged it, caressed it, played with my short nails, intertwining then released it, tracing my hand lines, drew random circles everywhere with her thumb, and hold it. Hold it long enough to drive me crazy.

Crazy. Because I wanted to hold her hand forever. Because I didn’t want to let her hand goes and saw it hold someone else’s hand. It’s crazy, because I don’t want to feel that.

Her hands were so soft. Like silk, much softer than cotton. How I loved that feel on my skin. Not just her hands, but every skin she had. Or so I saw and thought. And imagined.

Although I was all passive whenever with her, like never made any move with my hand, even the littlest, when she played it. Pretended that my hand was unattached from my body.

I wanna say something but every time I tried, my voice wouldn’t come out or even cracked.

Say something, goddamnit. Anything. I don’t know. Just produce some sounds. Uhm. Maybe not some kind of sound like moans or groans. It sounded strange.

 

I stared on a tiny little black spot on my ceiling. Although I was staring but my mind was wandering around. I don’t know. Sigh. Why I don’t know so much things. Even about my self. I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling about.

 

Yesterday was a mess. I tripped. On my first biology class. I wanted to run and hide in the bathroom, but I didn’t.

First day, first class, and first assignment. Group assignment. I peeked on my left, to my tablemate. She’s so cold towards everyone, especially me. I wanted to shiver so much but I was too afraid to do so. She’s scary. Much scarier than my grandpa which is frightening since I thought no one would be scarier than him.

I kept peeking and peeking then I froze. She noticed me. I must hide! But nowhere to hide. So I grinned instead.

“What?”

“Uhm..”

“What’s your problem, newbie?”

“Uh. Nothing?”

“Liar”

“Uh. Sorry?”

“Whatever”

Sigh. This gonna be so hard. I might be not a nerd here, but definitely a kid that asking for people to bully her.

I turned around, scanning the room, noticing that everybody already had a group. Did I have to do this assignment alone? I don’t wanna. At ex-school at least I got Sunny as project mate. Please anyone accepted me? Teacher? Do me a favor here? Do your job properly please? Hello?

 

“Hey, newbie” I turned my head, someone called me.

“yeah?” oldie?

“Wanna paired up?”

“Huh?”

“Assignment”

“Oh. Great. Yes, of course” Assa!

“Cool. I’m Yuri”

“Taeyeon. I’m Taeyeon”

“And that’s my girlfriend” long finger pointed at my tablemate.

“Oh” Crap

“She’s Jessica”

“Pleased to meet you” I said. I still couldn’t meet her eyes.

“She’s shy around strangers” I thought she looked more annoyed than shy in my eyes.

“Oh. Okay” I didn’t know what to say anymore.

“So, Library?”

“Oh, the assignment? Okay”

“After school?”

“Okay I’ll come to your last class then”

“Hm. Fair enough. My last class is math”

“See you there then” See? I got some socializing skill too you know. lol. everyone falls for my charm. If others can see it then I’ll be one of those popular y’know. uhm, but to think it again… I don’t really wanna be popular. It’s I think. No real friend, everyone your . Eww.

And I saw Yuri walked away to her table.

 

“Newbie”

“Hm?”

“If you ever put your ing finger to her, I’ll kindly cut it off from you”

“Uhhhh? Excuse me?” Did she really say that?

“You hear me”

“…. Yes?”

“Am I clear?”

“…”

“Am I clear, you dumbo.” this woman was more than cold. I can sense that she’s serious.She’s gonna cut my finger!

“Y—Y—yes”

“Good”

 

I got trouble here. In my entire life I just stutter to one person. Now two. But with entirely different reason. One because I fell in love with her and two because she’s ing scary.

Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t fall in love with someone because she’s ing scary, what I mean here is I fell in love with Tiffany and the scary girl is Jessica, Yuri’s girlfriend. Why on earth she picks me as her partner I don’t even know myself. I know she means good, but she put me in crocodile’s open mouth; make wrong move, I die.

 

I sigh loudly.

Then I feel stare on my side face. Crap.

 

“Hey” I whisper.

“What” she snapped.

“Listen—“

“Don’t you ever tell me what to do, jerk”

“Uh.. sorry? Uh..”

“…”

“May I say something?” Princess?

A nod.

“If you want, I can find someone else to do the assignment, you know. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or what. And..”

A stare.

“And.. please don’t cut my fingers? I really appreciate them even sometimes they don’t appreciate me. I mean like..”

More stare.

“Like.. they hurt themselves, and you know, it hurt like.. like he.. like.. well.. hurt so much..”

A yawn.

“Well, sometimes I the one who hurt them, you know, my fingers, but I like them too, they make my life easier. Uh. We got like love-hate relationship, do you get it? like sometimes I love them sometimes I hate them..”

More yawn.

“Uh.. so please don’t cut them off? Maybe I’ll doing it myself if they really annoyed me. You know. Uh..”

A slap.

“W-Wh-What’s that for?” I touched my cheek. No one ever slap me, even playful slap. God. It hurts like hell. I hate her.

“Shut the up”

“Uh”

“Go, blabbing to something else. A wall is a good listener”

. “..ch” oops. Did I say it out loud?

“What?” Icy cold tone. Shivers.

“UHHHH. NOTHING. I GOTTA PEE” I dashed off to bathroom.

 

Sigh. Death is so near.

 

 

—

 

a/n : so.. jeccica, oops i mean jessica makes an appearance as well as yuri. lol.

im kinda pissed off with my campus life so i ran away from it for awhile and doing this. bear with this. i still dunno what next to happen to this and where to bring this. so random. and dorky taeyeon is back instead of angsty taeyeon.

well, gotta go, friends're calling to do some campus thing. again.