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나를떠나서맘편해지길(나를잊고서살아가줘)
그눈물은다마를테니ye (하루하루지나면)
차라리만나지않았더라면덜아플텐데um
영원히함께하자던그약속이젠
추억에묻어두길바래baby 널위해기도해

[I hope your heart feels relieved
Please forget about me and live (on)
Those tears will dry completely
As time passes by
It would've hurt less if we didn't meet at all (mm)
Hope you will bury our promise of being together forever baby
I pray for you]

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

            It’s still dark when I opened my eyes. I stretched out my arm to look at my watch. 6:17 Am. It’s Saturday, so there’s no school today, not that I have any intention of going there. But anyway, it only means that I have to survive this whole freaking day alone in the dorm.

            I started to stand up from the floor and let my head produce crunches as I tilt it sideways. My eyes popped wide as it took in the sight before me.

            “Man, they won’t be happy to see this.” I murmured, shaking my head at the sight of my ruined room.

            Broken things are everywhere; glasses, furniture, pictures and other unrecognizable stuffs. It seems like I’ve broken every single thing inside my room. Clothes are everywhere, hanging loose or just lying on the floor. Some pictures are torn or crumpled or ruined. The vase the dorm keeper gave me is lying on the floor in pieces; the piece of earth it had inside looks disgusting as it scattered on the floor and the flower Jiyeon forced to grow lies lifelessly with it.

            I started to clean up instinctively, as if hearing Lee-teuk hyung say “Don’t ruin yourself at home again. We won’t clean up your mess.” I guess they’d totally kill me if they’ll see this.

            When I was about to pick up another crap, it hit me. I dropped the stuffs I picked before and started to walk out of the room.

            “I’m already dead inside, so what’s the difference if they’d kill me physically?” I asked myself sarcastically.

            I changed the bandage on my fist and put on some ointment on my wounds. I also covered them with plasters as I went through it. I grabbed a random jacket and head out of the dorm. It’s not dark anymore and I’m really wishing to die now, so I guess this is an open invitation to murderers out there.

            I was annoyed when it was already an hour and yet I’m still alive, roaming the streets of the city. I decided to go and sneak at the school, since I can’t even think of any other place to go now. And I really wonder where my other hyung’s or dorm mates are. They didn’t go home last night. That’s a first.

            I went to the spot where we usually spend our free time and found it empty. I lie there anyway, having nowhere to go to. Closing my eyes as I do so. Trying to reflect on what had happened.

            The past days have been like hell and it hurts to remember each moment of it. But it’s the only thing I could hold on to right now. Those painful memories which reminds me that I was too oblivious to the truth. That I’m too insensitive to feel the emotions of the people around me.

            “Lee Dong-hae, what are you doing here on a weekend?” some one asked me.

            I opened my eyes and it took me a full minute before recognizing the man standing at my feet.

            “Vice Principal.” I said, as I stood up and bow down as a sign of respect.

            “What are you doing here?”

            “Nothing, sir. I’ll leave right away.” I murmured, still bowing down.

            “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend now that she’s going through a lot?” he asked again, dropping the formalities of speaking to a student.

            Why is everybody saying that she’s going through a lot when I’m going through worst than that?

            “I don’t really know what you’re talking about, Vice Principal. And, I don’t think she’s still my girlfriend.” I replied grimly, letting my head hung lose on my neck.

            “You don’t know? You mean you don’t know she dropped out of school because—” he trailed off as he glanced at me. I frowned in confusion.

            She dropped out of school? She left without even saying goodbye? Why is she doing all of this? Why all of the sudden? How come I seem to be the last person to know it? And, what is she really doing that requires her to leave her all dreams behind? I thought she wanted to be a successful teacher. I thought I understand her enough to know what she wants and what she’s thinking about. How come I didn’t notice all of this coming? Why did I become so blind on these unsaid things?

            The Vice Principal obviously knows.

            “Because what, sir?” I asked, trying to make him continue what he’s saying without showing off my eagerness about the news.

            “I don’t think I’m the one who’s supposed to tell you that.” He shook his head and smiled. “I don’t really understand why youth today tend to hurt others thinking that they’re hurting themselves alone. I wonder where honesty in a relationship has gone to.”

            When did the Vice Principal started to care about his student’s business? I mean, he looks like he knew a lot of things about everything. Well, that’s a fact, but why does it feel like he even know Jiyeon better than I do?

            I’m about to ask him what he meant by that but then he waved his hand on the air and left it floating there, as if bidding goodbye or stopping me from doing something.

            “I should be going now.” He simply said with his hand still hanging freely on the air. “Lee Dong-hae, be strong. We don’t know what’s waiting for us tomorrow.”

            I sensed it as a dismissal and I frowned more as his words slowly sink in my mind. I bowed anyway. I wouldn’t want to piss the Vice Principal, of course.

            “Walk carefully, Vice Principal.” I murmured as I felt his hand tap me gently on my shoulder, giving it the slightest squeeze possible, as if holding me still on solid ground.

            “You’ll never be alone.” He stated. “You’re friends will never leave you, if they are true to you. You’ll know and feel that anyway, right? Just take care of them so that you won’t regret anything in the end.” He finished then he walked away, leaving me still bowing down, stunned at his words.

            You’re friends will never leave you, if they are true to you.

            Then, why did my best friend left me, taking my girl with him? I knew and I felt his loyalty and his being truthful toward me, then why did he suddenly change?

            I clenched my fist. “You’re wrong, Vice Principal. Everything changes, like the summer which soon changes into winter, like the day shifting into the night, like your friends who’ll suddenly turn to your foe. They’ll change in anyway possible.”

            I stood straight up after a whole minute and looked at the deserted place before my eyes. There are some students, but they’re few in numbers. I started to look for my friends. Any one of them would be a great comfort for me. Sometimes, knowing that someone cares for you, even though that someone is the person you dislike the most, makes you feel better. It makes you feel like you’re someone important or of worth.

            I guess I spent the whole day looking for them on different places, like the school cafeteria; library; music hall; computer and biology laboratory; SSG lounge and on the other places in the campus which is actually composed of five buildings, because the next thing I noticed is the sun setting on the far west. I’m currently on the third building, at the fourth floor. The open windows at the corridor offer a great sight of the setting sun, but it’s my first time to appreciate it. I passed here, once or twice, but I never looked at the sight present there. I wonder if the other students in that building also noticed this extraordinary scene.

            I inhaled deeply and felt the burning sensation the air did on my currently dry throat. I haven’t eaten a thing the whole day, simply because I can’t find it in myself to eat alone. I’m not really in the mood to be alone now.

            I reached for my pocket and felt something in it.

            My phone?

            “Aish, pabo, Lee Dong-hae! What happened to the new technologies today?” I asked myself while hitting my head with my other hand.

            I pulled out my phone from my pocket and flipped it open.

            I could’ve saved more time using this to find them rather than to walk around the campus without even having a clue on where they are. I guess my mind’s not working right yet.

            I dialed Lee-teuk’s number, since I know he’ll pick up the phone no matter how busy he could be. I know it’s weird, but once, I saw him washing his clothes on the laundry area at the dorm, being all serious on removing a stain I bet he got from eating his favorite chocolate and then his phone rang. He ran out of the laundry area, into the living room, splashing water all over us, and finally in his room where he picked his phone using his elbow! He almost broke his phone that time, but Wookie is there and he helped him. When I asked him why he didn’t just ignored the phone call, given that he’s busy, he said it might be an important call so he wouldn’t miss it for the world.

            “I’ll never know why that person called in the first place if I won’t pick it up. Who knows when will that person call again? It’ll be like you let a solid chance of knowing something slip away from you.” Those were his exact words.

            And that rang a bell now. Previously, I usually ignore Jiyeon’s calls whenever I’m busy, studying or playing or hanging out with my friends. During those times, I never really cared that much because I know she’ll be calling again later. But what if, during one of those missed calls, she’s about to tell me something important? And what if she never got the courage again to open up that subject to me on our next conversation? I must’ve missed a lot of chances. Now, I’m dying to receive, even a blank text message from her.

            On the third ring, Lee-teuk hyung answered his phone. I sighed in relief.

            “Hyung, I’m hungry searching for you the whole day. Where are you?” I asked straightly, as if I’m running out of breath.

            “Uhmm, Hae, we’re hungry too, so I guess that’s pretty fair” he replied and I heard his hoarse voice for the first time.

            “Where are you?” I asked again, ignoring the tired voice I just heard.

            “Is that Hae?” a voice asked in the background.

            Hyuk-jae?

            “Yes.” Lee-teuk replied and I can actually imagine him nodding toward him.

            Why are they together now? What are they doing since last night? Is everybody else with them?

            “Hyung, where are you?” I asked again, pushing aside the other questions.

            I heard a snap on the other line then a different voice answered. I frowned when I recognized the voice.

            “We’re at the hospital.” He said.

            Hospital? What would they be doing there? Who’s sick now aside from me? I hope not one of them; I can’t stand to lose another friend of mine. One is enough.

            I waited for the next words as I let my eyes gaze at the now turning blue horizon. The sun is completely gone now. The only thing that’s left is its rays which cling on the sky roughly, as if those were their last breaths. I smiled at the irony; it feels like I’m watching my own sun set and still hold onto it with my remaining strength.

            “Jiyeon is dying.”

            My eyes widen at the words I heard. I dropped my phone and it shattered into pieces. I watched it carefully, as if watching my own whole being crack into pieces. Everything around me stopped moving, like in the movies or in some of our dreams. The only difference is that I know I’m not in a movie, because if I am, then I would be holding a script now and the director would shout “CUT!” right now because of my bad acting. And this isn’t a dream either, because if it is, then it wouldn’t hurt so much; then I wouldn’t be dying too.

            The words echoed in my head, playing in an uncoordinated tune, over and over again.

            Jiyeon… is… dying…

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞