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네가없인단하루도못살것만같았던나
생각과는다르게도그럭저럭혼자잘살아
보고싶다고불러봐도넌아무대답없잖아
헛된기대걸어봐도이젠소용없잖아

[Yeah, I thought I wouldn't be able to live even one day without you
But somehow I managed to live on (longer) than I thought
You don't answer anything as I cry out "I miss you"
I hope for a vain expectation but now it's useless]

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            “Hyung, you’re not going to school?” someone asked behind the door of the comfort room.

            “NO!” I replied for the tenth time.

            I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to see him or her. I don’t want to see his face, which I almost destroyed yesterday.

            I’m such a weakling.

            I punched the mirror in front of me. It cracked and shattered into pieces. Blood started to drip on it as my fist remained there.

            I felt the stinging pain from my wounded fist. I stared at it and cried again. I looked at the man in the mirror who is crying endlessly since last night. I stared at that person with grave eyes and it stared back with the same expression.

            I still can’t accept it.

            I lost the two people who I trusted the most. The two people who can fully understand me and accept me without questions. The two people...

            “Dong-hae come out there and fix your mess!” I heard the angry Lee-teuk shout. “It won’t change a thing if you’ll stay there the whole day!”

            He’s right. It won’t change anything. I’m still alone. The two people I love the most won’t come back. They’ll just laugh at the pitiful me.

            I released the broken mirror from my fist and it shattered to the ground. I watched it turn into pieces, forming a crystal-like pattern on the floor.

            I opened the door and walked past them.

            “Hyung! Your hand!” Ryeo-wook panted.

            “Blood.” Sung-min gasped.

            “The medical kit! Now!” Hee-chul called.

            “I’m fine.” I reasoned as they started to panic at the sight of my ruined fist. “It’s nothing.” I opened my palm and examined my fist. “It’s just a scratch.” I admitted truthfully. This is just a scratch compared to my damaged heart which is completely broken into tiny pieces now.

            “The mirror is gone!” Kyu-hyun exclaimed.

            Oh, yeah. My fault. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I reasoned.

            They started to put medicine and cream on my open wound and then they covered it with a bandage. It’s pretty clean now.

            “Now, go to school.” Lee-teuk ordered, and I know there’s nothing else to talk about.

            I dragged myself to my room and prepared for another hell day at school.

            The hours went by slowly and I’m so thankful it ended. I want to go in my room and grieve there again. I want to be alone.

            “Come on, Hae.” Ye-sung called. I followed him. We crossed the school quadrangle, walking to that familiar spot on the boundary of the school. It has been our meeting place after class ever since we started schooling there.

            We’re near the spot when I noticed two familiar figures, sitting side by side under the huge tree.

            Eun-hyuk and Jiyeon.

            Anger and sadness flooded me. I want to hit Eun-hyuk again and ask Jiyeon what I did wrong, but found no courage in me to do those stuffs.

            “Hae!” Ryeo-wook waved. They all turned to me, even the two lovey dovey couple at the back.

            I approached them.

            “Hey!” I greeted, eyeing Jiyeon and Hyuk.

            Lee-teuk came closer to me, “Don’t start a scene.” He whispered on my ear. I pushed him away.

            I sat beside Si-won, since I know he has the full capacity to stop me from hitting someone if ever I lost my temper again, and grabbed some food.

            “What happened to your face, Hyuk?” Ye-sung asked stupidly. He isn’t there yesterday when that event happened and Eun-hyuk didn’t go home last night, so the other guys don’t know a thing at all.

            I looked at Eun-hyuk and examined the damage I caused him.

            He has stitches on the side of his lower lip and under his right eye. Plasters are on his forehead and cheeks. His nose looks deformed and his left eye is almost closed. Did I really create such effect? It’s his fault anyway, he didn’t fight back, even a bit. And that makes me guiltier.

            Eun-hyuk shrugged.

            “How about your fist, Hae?” Ye-sung asked again. I glared at him. He may not be there yesterday, but he’s one of those who put the bandage on my fist, so how come he’s asking these stupid questions?

            I glared at him.

            I noticed Jiyeon flinch at the side, doing her best to have a glimpse of my fist. I stared at her. When she noticed that I was staring at her, she snuggled closer to Eun-hyuk, as if hiding. Eun-hyuk held her closer and smirked at me.

            I felt it slipping away. I felt my anger filling me up again. I felt my temper reaching its end.

            I need to go away from here. I need to leave, now.

            My legs involuntarily moved, as well as my body. I started to stand up and walk away.

            “Where are you going?” Hee-chul asked. “I just arrived and you’re leaving?”

            “I have to go.” I murmured.

            “Why?”

            “Because I can’t stand seeing my best friend and my girl together.” I replied as I look at the couple I was referring to.

            Jiyeon’s eyes widen and Eun-hyuk’s face became serious.

            I left without another word, leaving them all behind.

             Leaving my life behind.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞