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네옆에있는그사람이뭔지혹시널울리진않는지
그대내가보이긴하는지벌써싹다잊었는지
걱정돼다가가기조차말을걸수조차없어애태우고
나홀로긴밤을지새우죠수백번지워내죠

[What is it about that person next to you, did he make you cry?
Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely?
I am worried, I feel anxiety because I can't get close nor try to talk to you
I spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times]

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            It’s killing me. The way Eun-hyuk and I aren’t talking. The way Jiyeon is avoiding me at school. It kills me.

            “Hyung, gwenchana?” Ryeo-wook asked while preparing our breakfast.

            “Do I look like I’m alright?” I asked him back, raising one of my eyebrows at him.

            He shook his head. “You shouldn’t be killing yourself slowly like that.” He murmured.

            I laughed. “Dying is better than having to feel this pain.”

            “Dong-hae hyung...” his voice is almost pleading. I glanced at him and saw his sad expression.

            “Such a baby, Ryeo-wook. Just cook faster so we can go now.” I ruffled his hair and left the room without further notice.

            I hate it. Their looks are so grave, as if I’m about to die any moment now. Each of them have that expression on display, it’s as if they want to tell me something but they simply can’t. As if that secret of theirs could kill me in an instant.

            They’re wrong if they’re thinking that way. Nothing can kill me more than what is slowly killing me now. Nothing can cause further damage to my broken heart now that it’s in pieces.

            Nothing.

            Another killer day at school. Another moment of seeing my best friend and girlfriend together. No, I can’t call her my ‘ex’ because we didn’t break up. She didn’t ask my permission. She’s still my girl.

            Mine. Not his.

            We’re on our normal spot again. Sitting in a circle, doing nothing. I glanced at Jiyeon, who is telling something at Eun-hyuk. She’s not as sweet as when we are together. Not as pretty back when we’re going out. Not as good as when she’s all mine.

            I smirked, remembering the moments we spent together.

[FLASHBACK]

            “Oppa, stop it.” She giggled as we walk down the street one winter night.

            “Why? You’re still beautiful even at this camera.” I exclaimed.

            I just bought a new video camera recorder yesterday, and I want her to be the first one to fill this up. Her face, her laughter, her voice. Everything about her. I want to have a record of us being together, I want to remember this forever.

            “Oppa, I’m not properly groomed for that.” She tried to reason out again.

            “You’re perfect just the way you are.” I nodded. “Say hi to me, come on!” I called.

            “Annyeong Dong-hae oppa! I’m your one and only Jiyeon.” She waved. I laughed at her actions. I want to join her in the video I was taking but who would take it for us?

            I saw one guy walking down the street; I pulled him and begged for him to take a video of Jiyeon and me. I paid him fifty bucks and he agreed.

            We did some crazy stuff and Jiyeon’s giggles filled my ears.

            I seem like a different person, doing things I never did before. It’s our first year anniversary so I guess that’s one main reason why I’m like this.

            She does aegyo, I did aegyo.

            She pouts, I pouted.

            She laughs hysterically, I laughed with her.

            She kissed me on my cheek; I kissed her on her lips.

            Our every movement is in synchronization; as if it’s choreography of a certain dance I’m starting to learn. We’re two bodies, one soul and one heart.

            Everything seems perfect, and we’re both laughing at the guy I paid off to record our crazy moment, because he’s blushing at each sweet and romantic moment Jiyeon and I do.

            When she stopped laughing, I pulled her closer.

            “I love you.” I whispered at her ear.

            “I love you too, oppa.” She replied, too quickly than what I can comprehend.

            I smiled to myself. She loves me.

            “I love you more.” I murmured again, she giggled.

            “Arasso. You love me more.”

            I pulled out my gift for her, still hugging her. “Close your eyes.” I ordered. “I’ll show you a magic trick.”

            “Okay.”

            I let her go from my hug and faced her. Her eyes are closed and still, her face is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I gently put my gift for her at its rightful place.

            She opened her eyes when she felt it on her neck. She stared at her neck and at the thing I just gave her.

            “Oppa…” she murmured.

            I put my index finger on her lips, preventing her outburst of words. “And for the magic…”

            I pushed a button on the heart pendant that hangs freely on the necklace. I glanced at her before continuing with what I’m doing. She’s still amazed her eyes wide and her lips open a bit.

            She gasped, just as the pendant opened. “O-oppa…” she stuttered.

            I smiled. “See? We’re meant to be together, forever.” I pointed at the names engraved at the locket.

Dong-hae &Jiyeon

            “It’s pretty.” She concluded, after staring at the necklace for some time. I smiled.

            “Do you like it?”

            She just nodded.

            “Now, you can’t be with anyone except me, arasso?”

            She laughed as she threw her arms around me. “Neh, oppa.”

            I hugged her back and we stayed like that for I don’t know how long.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

            “Hae, what’s wrong?” someone tugged me.

            I snapped back to the present time. “Nothing.” I replied as I stole a glance at Jiyeon again. She looks worried, but she’s still not doing anything.

            I inhaled deeply and wiped my face with the back of my hand. I felt water on my face, and then I realized I was crying. Maybe that’s why they’re asking me what’s wrong.

            “I’m going first.” I said.

            Someone pulled me back, but I didn’t bother to look at the person. “I’m leaving.” I repeated, pulling my arm off.

            I walked away from them. I can feel their stares at my back, slowly disappearing from their sight.

            When I arrived home, I searched for the video tape of our first year anniversary. I played it and cried all along.

            “I love you.” I heard myself say on the video.

            “I love you too, oppa.” Jiyeon replied.

            “I love you.” I clenched my wounded fist. “I still love you.” I felt tears flowing endlessly from my eyes.

            I love her and I want her back to me.

            I love you.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞