Chapter 6. The Roads That Should Be Taken

After our walk, we had brunch on one of the hole in the wall eateries along the way to our hotel. We were just one of the few kids hanging around town enjoying the long weekend from school. He held my hand and never let it go until we came back and I fell into a long nap only to wake up in the almost dusking sky outside our huge window. The big meal I had still kept me from being hungry and I sighed knowing that another day had passed for us.

If only days would be longer when we were together.

All that kind of thinking got me into a realization that I was starting to count the days, notice the time, as if any moment he would do something stupid and lose this last chance I was giving him.

I shifted realizing that heavy breathing and the weight beside me.

A smile slowly crept my lips as I watched him sleep so deeply.

I touched his cheek ever so gently then moved deliberately that he stirred and opened his eyes. The moment his gaze focused on me I laid my lips on his and he welcomed me with arms wrapping around my body pulling me to him.

The kisses and caresses went on for a couple more as the time ticked in the clock on the wall. The soft sea breeze blew the lace curtain on the window. The mild song of the waves echoed with the sounds we were making. The little kisses grew ablaze. I responded to him like I never did before— a mixture of my own desire and throwing my fears out of that open window.

He touched me in places that he never explored before, kissed me in the most gentle and assuring way, and whispered softly all those sweet words that brushed away all the remaining uncertainties inside me. He knew that this was what I wanted, he knew that I need to have him as much as he would have me.

The way he removed our clothes was fluid that I almost got that moment of thinking that he had good practice at doing this. But all those ugly thoughts vanished when I felt him everywhere— when we were skin-to-skin. I would have been self-conscious knowing that there was nothing between us now, that he could see and touch everything. But my mind, my body was just too consumed of the sensations I was wrapped in. He knew where to touch, he knew where to kiss, he knew how to make me feel all those sensations I never knew existed until that day.

The initial reaction of panic rushed over me when I felt his gentle touch that told me he was preparing me for what was coming. I gasped until he laid his lips on that sensitive nook on my neck and whispered close to my ears.

“I won’t hurt you…”

I released a strangled breath and I felt him lifting himself gently.

“Hyun…”

I opened my eyes to see him looking at me. Pushing my fears aside, I gave him a nervous smile, “O…kay… okay.”

“Baby, we don’t need to do this.”

I heard the concern on his voice. I touched his arm and nodded, “We don’t have to but I want to.”

“Hyun…”

He stopped moving, slowly pushing himself off me but I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him back down. Shaking my head, I whispered, “Please…”

“I love you,” he brushed his lips against mine and gently, ever so gently as he resumed exploring my body.

I love you.

I wanted to say that. I love him so much I was taking everything— taking and giving everything.

It was stupid but it was beautiful.

It was a mistake but, at that moment, everything was just right.

Then, it was even more beautiful.

The physical pain was excruciating at the beginning, but he treated me like a fragile object he handled with so much care. I loved that about him— even the pain was beautiful.

That afternoon I gave him the remaining piece of me. And what happened when I woke up from a deep sleep, I would never forget like the rest of those other memories I had with him.

When I opened my eyes, I saw him staring at me with bloodshot eyes. I sat up clutching the sheets on my body, “Oppa? What’s wrong?”

He shook his head and kissed my fingers that I brushed on his cheek, “I’m sorry,” he sniffed, “For everything. I don’t deserve you.”

I closed my eyes. I wanted to whack his head that moment. Why do you have to realize that just now? I didn’t ask out loud but something warmed inside me.

I’m sorry.

I heard that a lot. And only that moment I believed it.

~~~

That weekend changed everything for us. He turned out to be the boyfriend I wanted all along.

It’s weird what can do to people.

Sooyoung said that. Twisted as it sounded but it actually worked.

All those ugly thoughts I had before were replaced with hopeful dreams of the future. It was always a thought that the one I would marry would be my first.

My first and my last.

Perhaps it was why I desperately hang on to him despite every heartache he gave.

A man can change and I just proved that. I changed him.

Our relationship somehow became easy to handle. Many unguarded moments followed— moments that I would never regret.

“Nice place.”

“It is…”

I felt him moving behind me. Too close.

“Hmmm…” I sighed as his hand traveled to my stomach pulling me close.

“It’s quiet here too…”

“I can see that,” a small gasp escaped my throat when his kiss lingered on my nape.

“You can stay here if you want…”

I nodded closing my eyes and just feeling the way his fingers hovered on my stomach and his lips on my skin, “I need a quiet place to study. The other kids at the dorm can sometimes be rowdy.”

“You can have the spare key. Come anytime.”

“You’d do that?” I finally spun around facing him. That small smile curving on his lips wanted more.

“Of course, babe…” He pulled me again and I draped my arms on his shoulders, “I want to come home to you…”

The butterflies were in frenzy. My fingers raked on his hair as I moved closer until his breath touched mine. I kissed him slowly at f