Chapter 5. The Heart Gave that Last

I sniffed. Totally done with my second bout of crying spree. Sooyoung handed me another handful of tissue paper. Pressing it on my nose, I sniffed again and crumpled the paper, “I’m hopeless.” I chuckled sadly. I sounded weird.

“You look awful,” she gave me a regretful smile, “I don’t want to apologize for him anymore. You know I talked to him. A lot. Although you don’t want us to but I think I have this right since you are both my friends. It’s sick, what he’s doing to you. He himself doesn’t know why he’s like this.”

I closed my eyes. Yoona would reproach me a lot that lately, I’ve been running to Sooyoung. I didn’t know if it was her calm personality but somehow I felt that she knew Oppa a lot— that person deep inside. I nodded with what she said. Before, she would defend him, that it was the women who would ran to him, that they were taking their chances at him, that somehow he would leave me for any of them. I couldn’t understand that.

But then again there was nothing more to understand but the fact that he wouldn’t leave me for any of them.

Yet he would choose to play around.

“Hyunie, look, I know men… I’ve had flings with many,” rolled her eyes and laughed, “I probably will have some more in the future but what I learn from them and especially from seeing my own parents, is that men are a lot of work. They say women are a lot of work, but men are too. It’s up to us to straighten them. It’s us that hold the relationship intact. Not men, they’re such babies who don’t know what they want, who don’t realize easily that what they want and need is just in front of them. Those girls that dangle themselves to men are just that— girls. But women, we are the one who make them the men that they should be, turn the boy into that man. It’s you and Yonghwa till the end, or it won’t be… but you know who holds the real power for it to happen?”

She squeezed my hand tight. I brushed the tears away as I continued my silence. I wanted to know what she had to say.

“You. As simple as that. Give up on him now before you get hurt some more. Or fight for him until he becomes the man he ought to be. But you need a lot of love for him to hold on like that.” Sooyoung smiled, her eyes were full of wisdom I should probably learn to have. She went on, “A man needs only one woman to make him truly who he is. For Yonghwa, it maybe you or one of these girls, I’m just saying it’s up to you to make him who you want him to be.”

I wanted to fight for him, I have been doing that for as long as I can remember. I wanted to go on fighting for him.

She squeezed my hand again, gently this time, “Would you give him a chance?”

I looked up at her but didn’t answer.

Sooyoung smiled, “I’m sorry, hon. This is the last time I’m doing this, I promise.”

Confused, I followed her with my gaze as she stood and opened her bedroom door. A small gasp escaped my throat when I saw him emerged from the door. I should have known. I ran to Sooyoung’s apartment. I didn’t realize he would ask her help— I didn’t even think she would give him this favor. I buried my face on my hands.

“Last chance, don’t screw this up.”

I heard my friend said softly then the door closed.

“Hyun, baby…” I heard him say. I felt him so close in front of me. He wasn’t touching me yet. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… that woman. I dated her before, I didn’t know she’d do this. I promise, Hyun, I never slept with her. Or anyone!”

The conviction on his voice was palpable. I shouldn’t believe that like the lie he said so many times but I did. Somehow I knew he wasn’t sleeping with any of them.

Oppa seemed to love the chase but he would never go for the kill.

I opened my eyes once he fell quiet but the rage in me came back when I saw him there on his knees looking like he didn’t sleep for nights and nights.

“Tell that to leave me alone. She can have you for all I care!” I pushed him away that he lost his balance and slid further on the floor. My tears came again and I cried.

“Hyun, I’m sorry—“

“No, you’re not sorry. You’re never sorry,” I said quietly despite the tears, “If you are, you will never give me any reason to cry like this…