Yunho POV

I can’t believe it! I did it! I said it! How stupid I am! I still remembered his shock face, his hurt face yesterday. My Jae, I’m really sorry. I

didn’t mean that. I clench on my hair harshly, feeling so stressed. I put the breakfast on the tray and walks upstairs. Then, I walk to his

room. I couldn’t help but smiling looking at his sleeping face. He was so cute and looked so calm. How I wish his heart also can be calm

like that? I put the tray on the table slowly and walk to window. I roll the curtain to the side, letting for the sun rays radiate into the room.

Suddenly, my phone is ringing inside my pocket. I picked it and saw Changmin’s name. “Changmin –ah!” I greet him cheerfully. “Hyung,

where are you? Where did you sleep last night?” He looked so worried. I couldn’t help but smile. It’s cute! “Sorry for not calling you last

night. Donghae and I chose to sleep over at hotel last night. He was drunk and you know him, right?” I chose to lie. “Sure.” He said. “It’s

okay. Take care for both of you. By the way, when will you back then? Let me prepare food.” He continued. I keep silent for a moment.

I just can’t leave Jaejoong like this. “ Changmin –ah, hyung may be late. Please don’t wait for me.” I said. He remained silent for a while.

“Okay. Take care, bye!” He said. “You too.” I hang up the phone.

Changmin is a very easy person. I still couldn’t believe when he confessed to me last year. I never thought of him more than a little

brother. I love Jaejoong, only Jaejoong no matter how much it hurt me. Luckily Changmin are not mad with my rejection. He is a really

nice and thoughtful person. I never thought the separation turn him into a very mature person. I really grateful he chose to stay with

me. Without him, I might fail. I put the phone inside my pocket back and turn around. I was so shocked as I saw Jaejoong is staring

blankly at me. Since when he was awake? Did he hear my conversation with Changmin just now?

I put a smile and move towards him. “Good morning, baby!” I remove away the bangs from his forehead and kiss it gently. He remained

silent as I expected. I knee down in front of him and caress his cheek. “I made you a breakfast. Let me feed you, ne?” I said. He

glances over the foods a bit then looked at me back. He’s not saying anything neither showing any expression. He makes me worried.

“Jae?” I called him. He did not answer. “Baby, please don’t be like this.” I took his hand and squeezed it gently. He stayed emotionless.

I take a deep breath. “Jae, I’m really sorry about last night. I didn’t mean that.” I pleaded at him. Suddenly, he pulls away his hand from

my hand and turn around leaving his back facing me. I let out a heavy sigh.

Gently, I slide my body beside him and wrapping his tiny waist with my hand. Pulling him into my embrace. “Please don’t do this to me.”

I whispered against his ears. “Talk something.” I pleaded at him. His silence almost makes me go insane. “Leave me alone.” He said

emotionless. Truly, those words hurt so much. He never said like that to me. He always needs me beside him. “I won’t.” I tighten my

hug. “You don’t need me. You have Changmin.” I can hear the pain in his tone. “No baby. It’s not like that.” I kiss his hair. It still smells

nice even though he just wake up from sleep. This is my Jae. Everything about him is beautiful.

“I always wonder about it before.” He started talking alone. “I always called you before. I really want to hear your voice. You…you didn’t

pick my call or call me back. I tried many times. But, you never called me.” He continued. I chose to listen. “Then, I guess you were very

busy. I didn’t want to disturb you. I tried to be tolerated with your work even though I had been missed you so much. So, I sent you a lot

of messages. Asking how are you? Did you have your breakfast today? How about your lunch and dinner? I was worried, you are not

beside me. I can’t take care of you like before. But, you never replied. You had changed.” His voice starting to become hoarse. He was

holding back his pain. Oh Jae! “Did you read all my messages?” He asked me.

“I did baby. I really did!” I kiss his hair again. I know I had been so selfish and cruel but I really can’t control my own feeling. I can’t help

but feel mad and hurt at him at that time. He chose to leave me. He chose the other three instead of me. I feel so much pain and I

couldn’t help but I want him to feel the same. The feeling of rejected. That’s why…I ignored all his call and his messages. So that, he

can feel like I felt before. How cruel I am! “You read it.” He almost broke down. Oh gosh, I’m so sorry Jae. “After a while, I starting to feel

lonely and desperate. My heart, my body, they want you so much. I tried to arrange our meeting. I want to meet you. I want you to

touch me. I want you to kiss me. I want you to make love to me. I miss you, I want you, so badly!” He cried again. Stop crying, Jae. It

hurt so much.

“But you always said you are very busy. You didn’t have time. Your tight schedule! Don’t you miss me too? Am I the only one?” He

asked. “I did, Jae! I miss you too.” My hurt ache so much hearing this. This is so heart breaking. What I have done? “At that time, I feel

so humiliated. You choose your career over me. Even just for a minute! But, what can’t I do? I can’t do anything, Yunho. I can’t force

you to choose me.” He continued. “I always knew it. You were hurt over the separation. You were mad at me for not choosing you. It’s

my fault. I shouldn’t do that. But, I really love you. It’s not my intention to separate with you, it’s never my intention. So that, I will do

everything to make you forgive me. To make you trust my love. That, nothing had changed. Everything is still the same. My love for

you is always the same. I’m still the same Kim Jaejoong, the one who loved you so much for almost five years. Had you ever thought

me as your lover, Kim Jaejoong? Not one of the TVXQ’s member?” He said painfully.

My heart aches so much. This pain is so suffocating! I can’t think of anything! Why I never thought of that before. He is just a normal

human being. He is just a loyalty lover. Did I ever think about that? Why I only saw him as a TVXQ’s member who broke the promise to

stay together forever? Who broke all the dream we had dreamt? “We rarely meet. I guess it’s okay. It’s okay as long as I know you love

me. Only me in your heart. But then, everything is starting to change. There is no me anymore. It’s him!” His tone suddenly changed.

“But I tried, Yunho! I really tried. That you and him just a brother. There’s nothing more. He is also my little brother, my family.” It’s true,

Jae. Changmin is only my brother. “After a while, I started to doubt my own thought. There’s more than that between you and him. It’s

getting strong as I read all the interviews, I saw the interactions between you two. It’s different from before. It’s not the same anymore.”

His chest going up and down. He was mad.

“I can see the way he look at you. I can feel it. At that time, I feel so scared. Am I gonna lose you? But, my heart strongly saying that

you only love me. I should have a trust on you. So, I did! But then, nothing is same anymore. You always rejected me. You reject my

kiss, my touch, did you ever thought how much my heart hurt at that time? How scared I am?” He asked. “Stop Jae! Please stop this!” I

can’t contain my feeling anymore. I’m going to break down. “And last night, everything was so clear. You are not happy with me. You

are not like before. Your eyes showing that you shouldn’t be here. You are not belong here. But then, you are smiling when he called

you. Did you know how much I had been craving for that smile?! It was for him not for me!” I couldn’t hold anymore. I turn his body to

face me harshly.

I cupped his wet face with my hand. He looked at me but his eyes not looked at me. He was lost, lost in his own world. He was damage.

He was broken deeply. “ I love you. I didn’t love him.” I can’t believe this but my precious tears was falling. Falling shamelessly from my

eyes. I don’t care about my pride anymore. No more egos. I was already loose. He saw my tears but he shows no expression. Gently,

he reaches his thumb and wipes those tears. “Don’t cry.” He said. How can I, Jae? “I am right, Yunho. You care about him more. No,

you love him more.” He looked so hurt. “No” I shook my head. “You said that he is too precious for you. I already know it. But, how

could you? How could you said that he love you more than me? How cheap was my love? Five years, Yunho! How could you compare

my love for you with his love?! I can’t accept that! You are too cruel! I hate you!” He already rises up his voice. I had leaved a deep cut

in his heart.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I’m really sorry!” I pulled him into my embrace and hold him tightly. My tears won’t stop falling from my eyes. I’m

not strong anymore. “I was tired, Yunho.” He sighed against my chest. “ Ssshhh…I am here.” I kiss his hair. I want to calm him down. I

want recover back his pain. God, please help me! “No. You are not here. Your heart doesn’t belong here.” He said. “ Stop it! I love

you! I love you so much!” I don’t why but I already rising up my voice. I was scared. What should I do to prove my love to him back? To

make him feel secure again? I don't want to lose him! Never!

Thank you for all my subscriber and readers! actually, i only have one week because of my midterm break. So, i will try my best to

finish this  story in this week. Sorry, if it was not good as you all expected. But please...comment something, it's mean a lot to me ^^