Err, hello :3

*slowly scooting away*

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God

He became so attached to me

And I love that too

I love spoiling him all the time

I love how I could give my love solely to my brother

Maybe I had promised to take care of him since I failed to take care of Zitao

But then I came to think

What if someday I can’t be there for him anymore?

What if someday he had to lose me?

What if someday my time ran out and I have to leave him?

Luhan has been gracing over a novel for an hour. The lamp on the bed-side drawer is the only light in the room. Then he heard the soft sound of drizzle pouring over the roof, slowly turning to rain. And just as what he had expected, it thunders. Luhan find himself counting out of sudden, expecting for something to happen, or technically, someone to come.

One, he continued to read the novel.

Two, he winced when the main character suddenly said something shocking.

Three, he gasped when he found out that –

“Luhan hyung..”

He tilted his head towards the door. His brother is standing at the doorframe with his old Pororo plushie. “Yes Hun?”

Sehun shifted on his spot. “Can I.. sleep with you tonight?” he murmured as he glanced at the window. “It’s.. raining.. you know.”

Of course Luhan know the reason, but he asked after all just so he could tease his brother. “What? Why?? Don’t tell me you’re still afraid of thunder.”

His little brother frowned. “But I am.”

“Sehun, you’re sixteen now for God’s sake!” Luhan rolled his eyeballs in amusement. “A sixteen years old boy doesn’t get scared of thunders!”

Sehun stomped his feet. “But I do!!”

“Tsk.” Luhan sighed. Then he grinned. “But well that’s cute. Okay, come here.” he said as he made some proper space for Sehun to fit in.

Eventually, Sehun smiled sheepishly. “Thankyou so much hyung!!”

Luhan chuckled as he grabs his novel again. “Just remind me to take some picture of you sleeping with your plushie next to me and show it to your friends.” he murmured.

“Hyung!!” Sehun whined.

“Nah nah just kidding.”

Sehun frowned. “Hmph!”

Luhan laughed softly as he ruffled Sehun’s hair. His brother is already big now. He’s even taller than him. His chirpy voice has long gone, though it’s not really that deep now, just showing that he had grown up. And his lisp is still the same.

Deciding that it’s time to sleep, Luhan put the novel on the bed-side drawer and switched off the lamp. He fixed his position next to Sehun who’s already falling asleep. He stared at the younger for a good minute.

Sehun has been afraid of thunder ever since he knew him. He found out about it when it was Sehun’s tenth birthday. After a tiring but fun day of birthday party, they went home and go to each other’s bedroom. And then it was raining, and thunder was playing on the sky. Luhan was about to fall asleep when suddenly there’s a knock on his bedroom, followed by several sobs. When he opened the door he found a crying Sehun, begging to sleep with him just for a night because he doesn’t want to bother his parents anymore. So Luhan made him promised to come over every thundering nights. And so the habit continues until now.

“Tsk, Sehun, what if someday I’m not here anymore?” he whispered softly as he caressed Sehun’s hair. “You know someday I won’t be able to be here for you when it’s thundering outside, right?”

Sehun’s soft snores pushed his thoughts away as he starts to fall asleep too.

I always cursed my fate

I always protested to You about it

And nothing happened, as if You let me to go through it

But when I finally cherished everything around me

Why do You have to take me away in any second?

Am I not good enough to live my life?

They keep telling me that I’ll survive, I’ll live, I might be lucky

But no matter how I tried, I can’t stop to think that I’ll be leaving sooner or later

‘This is what I’ve been telling you ever since you came here months ago to check on your health. You have to listen to me now. You really need to do the treatment, Ryung. I’m not going to lie, you won’t have much time if you don’t. Forgive me for being blunt like this, but it’s because I care about you.’

Luhan tried to push all his thoughts away. He’s driving a car, he need to focus. Though focus is not something he could do perfectly right now.

So it’s really happening, he whispered inside.

He glanced at his step mother. She’s crying. She has been sobbing quietly ever since they signed the documents of Luhan’s chemotherapy. She has been crying secretly ever since both of them found out that Luhan is suffering under leukemia. It left him dumbfounded. How could she love him that much when he’s not even blood related with her? Maybe they’re right, family is not just those who share the same blood with you, but also those who came to love you because of who you are.

“Eomma, don’t be sad anymore.” Luhan murmured.

She just keeps staring down at her shoes. “You don’t know, Ryung.”

“About what?”

“About the feeling of going to lose a son.” she breathed out. “About losing someone you’ve taken care of, someone that you’ve been living with. You don’t know.”

Luhan sighed heavily. He bites his bottom lip. He tried to act calm. “Who says you’re going to lose me? Don’t you want the chemotherapy to be successful?”

She blinked, letting a tear roll down. “My sister was just like you. She was suffering under leukemia when she was in the same age as you. We did chemotherapy. And it proves nothing. She died anyway.”

“Eomma, don’t be so pessimistic like that. With all those technology, I’m sure they’re going to give me the best treatment they have.”

“Yes. They have to do it.” she said, suddenly finding the spirit again. “And you, need to survive. For all of us. For Sehun. You know how much he needed you.”

Then it strikes on him again. Sehun. “Are we.. going to tell him about this?”

His step mother goes silent for a long minute. They didn’t think about Sehun yet. He’s not someone with big heart, he might be carrying this thing to his dreams. He can’t easily deal with something like this.

“Let’s just keep it from him for a while.” she said as she wiped a tear strain. “And let’s think about your 22nd birthday party next month instead!”

Luhan chuckled. “Eomma, do you really need to persuade me again about celebrating my birthday with a party?”

“Birthday party is good.” She exclaimed as her gaze wandered outside the car window. “It gathers people in your life. It makes you realize that you have a lot of people who you could spend your time with. It makes you realize that you’re not alone.”

“Wow, such a deep thought, eomma.” Luhan smiled. Then he thought for a while. Maybe it’s not a bad thing to hold a birthday party. At least he needs to please his step mother for once about this thing. The woman has been insisting to make a birthday party for him ever since his first birthday in the house. But Luhan, who hates party, never agreed with the idea.

“Then where should we hold the party at?” Luhan said. “The pool house? Or at the main house? Or maybe at Minseok’s dad’s restaurant?”