Hello everyone! So sorry for bothering you again with my update in this fic, seriously.

Well this one is Christmas Special, so, yeah, bear with me.

Sorry .___.

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God

I, just like everyone, always think too highly about life

When someone meets their end, I always think that my turn is still far

When someone talked about death, I refuse to join them

Because even if I know that humans will eventually die

I always deny it inside and hoped that I could live forever

“I’m not a psychic, Ryung-ssi, I can’t see future, I can’t predict anything.”

“But you know my progress. You know how it will go with my recent condition.” Luhan said, almost whining. “Doctor, I have rights to know about my condition.”

The doctor sighs heavily; the wrinkles on his face became more obvious. “Knowing about your condition won’t do anything good on your own for now.”

“Which means that it’s bad, right?”

“I guess you’re too clever sometimes.”

“Doctor, just tell me.” Luhan says firmly. “For the sake of my falling hair, I beg you to tell me.”

With that, the doctor obviously had nothing left to say. His certain patient had begged for days, asking how much time that’s left for him before he would be a goner. And he had refused to tell him. Because he’s afraid that once he did, that certain patient will lose all his faith and hopes in living longer.

“But promise me, you have to keep your will in healing, promise me, Oh Ryung, promise me.”

“Yes doctor I will. I promise you.”

The old man sighed again as he glanced over the window, where the snowflakes are falling gently outside. If only time could run so slow just like how they’re floating in the air.

“Three months, Ryung.” he said gently. “Up to five, if you do the treatments well.”

Luhan could only stare at the doctor.

How could we live like that?

Thinking that we’re somehow immortals

Thinking that we won’t grow old and become useless one day

Hoping for much more time in a day

As if more time means longer life

And now I’m feeling it the most

How? How could I end up like this?

I always thought I have my future all planned

I always thought I could grow old

And watch my family surrounding me

With my beloved ones too

But apparently, it’s nothing more than a sappy dream

Why?

“What’s wrong, dude?”

Luhan looks up, meeting the worried eyes of Minseok. He stares for a while, thinking about the right thing to do; tell Minseok or keep everything inside. He know Minseok has been the best listener, but he just doesn’t have the heart to burden the latter with his crappy story.

“Nothing.” Luhan says. “I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, you looked paler, actually. But maybe it’s the effect of the chemotherapy.”

“No, not that.” he brings his right arm to cover his eyes. “I’m tired of everything.”

Minseok keeps his mouth shut for a few minutes, trying to comprehend what his step cousin means. Or to be exact, hoping that what he got by those words is not something he thought it is.

“Ryung, don’t say anything like that.”

“There is no use of all of those treatments and medications anymore, Minseok. I’m dying already. I’ll be dead soon. I should just die sooner, so baba and eomma won’t be burdened anymore. You guys wouldn’t have to waste your time on me anymore.”

“Oh Ryung, shut up already!” Minseok shrieks. “What kind of bull is that?! Did you even realize what you talked about??”

Luhan meets Minseok’s eyes once again with his teary ones. “Doctor said there are only three months left for me, Minseok.” he said before he cupped his face with both hands. “Oh God, I can’t even celebrate my own birthday next year.”

That successfully made Minseok’s eyes widened. “W-what?? Did he – really??”

Nodding, Luhan pried off his hands and harshly wiped his tears. “What’s the use if I’ll die that soon in the end? I can’t even keep my promise to the doctor; I already lost my faith now.”

Minseok freezes in his seat. It’s like blood has drained off his body.

“Please,” Luhan looks up at him again, “please don’t tell anyone, okay? Promise me it will be just between us, please.”

Nodding is the only thing Minseok is capable to do for now.

Treatments, medications, encouraging words

Those all will go to waste

What’s the use of them if I’d die so soon?

Everything will go to waste

All the things they did for me, it will be for nothing

Such a burden I am

Should I just end everything sooner?

It will lessen the burden

I’ll be free sooner, and so will they

Right?

Luhan is cursing at himself right now for going out into the open air in such weather. Of course, of course he loves winter, he loves the whiteness, but it’s freezing outside, and there he is, on the rooftop of the hospital building.

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