‘He looks so much like you.’

‘Of course. We have the same father. Just different mother.’

‘Do you even know what are you saying?’

‘Being an eight going to nine means I could think about complicated things, Minseok-hyung.’

‘Stop being more mature than me you kiddo.’

‘Stop being more immature than me then.’

‘Geez. Go meet your new brother. I’ll be here if you need me.’

‘Yeah, thank you hyung. Don’t you want to meet him too? He’s in the same age as you.’

‘Really? Later, then. Oh great, I think I just found another soccer buddy!!’

‘.. okay.’

“Minseok will be here in any minute.”

Sehun snapped out from his reverie. He found a pair of warm brown orbs staring at him. Although they looked tired and almost lifeless. Of course, who wouldn’t be tired when they were mourning all the night?

“Okay, eomma.” Sehun nodded slightly, leaving his spot from the balcony to go downstairs. He hate to do it, but he had to. He hate how the people downstairs are mourning, crying, talking about some memories and possibilities that sounds like a dream to him now.

Before he passed the door of his bedroom, he found his mom’s hand reaches for him. He took the warm hand into his.

“I know it’s hard, Sehun-ah,” his mom whispered, “I know it’s hard to lose your brother. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t cheer you up. Even if I try, I know I won’t be able to do it. Your brother, he does it everytime you needed him to, that I couldn’t be compared to him anymore.”

“Eomma, don’t talk like that, okay?” Sehun gives her a smile. A smile that didn’t reach his eyes, though.

Letting his mom to go downstairs first, he waited in front of his bedroom. Then his eyes narrowed to the door in front of him. It’s slightly opened, as if it’s inviting him to come in and torture himself with a stream of memories that the whole air inside his lung until he can’t breathe anymore and tears became the only thing that’s left.

He chose to follow his mom.

___

‘What was it again?’

‘I was asking if we could buy some bubble tea outside.’

‘Seriously? Again? Is it usual for you to have bubble tea everyday?’

‘… well.. yeah..’

‘What if you die someday because of it?’

‘Does bubble tea looks harmful for you??’

‘Yah, watch your words, I’m your hyung. You have a hyung now.’

‘.. oh, sorry. But I think eomma said to call you gege.’

‘No. I’m not your gege. I’m your hyung.’

‘But eomma said it means the same so – ‘

‘I’m your hyung. No one can call me gege. The one who did it has long gone.’

‘.. who??’

‘Do you want your bubble tea or not?’

“He was a really good son. Wasn’t he, Sehun-ah?”

Sehun closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before he exhaled slowly. “Yeah.” he answered quietly.

He glanced at his mom. She’s crying. Tears are rolling down, passing the slight wrinkles on her face. “I’m really going to miss him.”

Sehun gulped. “Yeah, me too.” he said again.

It’s not like he have another choice than to miss his hyung. Because it’s him. He left a lot of marks and memories that couldn’t be erased even by time. He left a lot of words that hasn’t finished yet, a lot of love that he still couldn’t give. But it’s too late. And it’s always like that.

___

‘Do you hate me, Luhan hyung?’

‘.. no. Why would I? What makes you think like that?’

‘Don’t laugh, but I could tell if someone is distancing themselves from me. And you’re one of them.’

‘Wow, easy, Sehun, you’re still nine, don’t talk so maturely like that. I’m offended.’

‘So why are you distancing yourself from me, hyung? Do you hate me? You don’t want a brother like me?’

‘Sehun, you’re talking nonsense. I’m fine with you. Don’t talk like that anymore. It hurts.’

‘Then stop being cold to me.’

‘I am not.’

‘Yes you are. And I’m not going to ask more about the reason behind it. Just, please, stop being cold to me. Brothers don’t act cold to each other. Even though.. we’re not from the same mom.’

‘.. let’s buy some bubble tea.’

‘Hah, now you like it! Take back your words!!’

‘What? What did I said??’

Sehun watched from a distance, how his mom greeted another woman, probably in the same age as her. They talked for a moment, must be about the beloved guy inside the photo frame, smiling widely at everyone who sees it, as if asking why are they mourning about.

It’s another ten minutes of his reverie when suddenly he find his cousin is already next to him.

“Luhan’s aunt. His mom’s sister.” the guy whispered to him. “Came so far from Beijing. Thank God she didn’t insist to take Luhan back to their hometown to bury him next to his mother’s grave.”

“When did you arrive, Minseok hyung?” Sehun asked in monotonous voice.

Minseok puffed his bun-like cheeks. “Do you see that tall guy behind the woman? It’s her son. Apparently Luhan’s cousin.”

Sehun narrowed his eyes at the said one. And he’s looking at Sehun too. Later he realized that the guy is walking towards him, along with the two women trailing behind him.

“Minseok, you’re here!” Sehun’s mom chirped weakly, “Sehun, Minseok, this is aunt Liu’s sister. And this is her son.”

The woman tilted her head towards his son. “Yifan?”

The guy bowed and greeted them in smooth Korean. Turns out that he mastered four languages to be exact. Luhan actually told Sehun about him once. They’re cousins and best friends. Even after Luhan moved to Seoul because their father wants him to live with them, they managed to never lose any contact.

“I remember Luhan said how he was touched when you ask him not to be cold towards you anymore. You’ve done great. He needed to face the reality back then, you know. If you didn’t tell him that, I bet he will keep distancing himself away from you, and that’s not good for him.”

Sehun winced. “That was.. like ten years ago. I can’t even remember what did I tell him.”

“Yeah sure,” Yifan said, lips are pressed in a thin smile, “but apparently, Luhan never forget it.”

It’s good, actually, to know that Sehun had left a good mark by that in Luhan’s heart. It won’t be fair if he hadn’t, because Luhan has left too much marks for him to erase.

___

‘He was Zitao. One of my cousins in Beijing. The one I loved the most. Died along with my real mother in the car accident.’

‘.. and he calls you gege?’

‘Yeah.’

‘That’s why you don’t want me to call you gege. Because no one could replace him for you.’

‘.. it’s not like that, Sehun-ah.’

‘It’s alright, really. I’ve learnt not to be so sensitive over things. Don’t get me wrong, but since you arrived here five years ago, I came to realize that I can’t be jelly-hearted all the time. I need to be strong so people won’t be bothered by me.’

‘…’

‘Hyung..?’

‘I’m so sorry, Sehun. I didn’t know I hurt you like that back then. Forgive me, Sehun-ah. Forgive me for being a jerk to you.’

‘Uhm, hyung, I’m never mad at you. And uhm, I can’t breathe..?’

‘Oh sorry sorry, I hugged you too tightly.’

‘No problem. But hey, took you five years to tell me about it, huh?’

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