9/8/11

"So do you get it?" Hoya asks as he finishes explaining the math problem they had been working for the past five minutes. He looks up at Dongwoo who is sitting across from him, knees drawn up.

Dongwoo opens his mouth to say something but all that comes out is an incoherent grunt. He stares at the paper before him, his lips sticking out in a thoughtful expression. His brows were drawn together as his eyes scanned the jumble of numbers and the somewhat messy handwritten formula and terms. Hoya watches him with a slight smile; he was fascinated by the way the man expressed everything with his face. Right now he was trying to make sense of the problem but there was something he could not get. 

"I don't understand." Dongwoo growls and let's his body fall on the bed face down next to Hoyas lap. "Oh my god! Why is this so confusing?" he groans, his voice muffled by the cotton sheets on Hoyas bed. 

"It's okay. We still have time, I'll explain it again." Hoya says gently, and pats the others head. He smiles at the way Dongwoo is sprawled over the bed. The way his hair is falling every which way on his head, shining under the lights above their heads. It's soft when Hoya slides his fingers through the mess, pulling a few dark brown strands lightly and watching it drop to the mass underneath. He looks at the entirety of Dongwoo's body, at his broad shoulders and the smooth, muscular skin on his back, currently hidden by the shirt. He wishes to touch it, push up the shirt and let his fingers roam the expanse of tan skin. His eyes travel down to Dongwoo’s hips, the band of his boxers sticking out above his jeans which show off the curve of his cheeks perfectly. He can’t help but think of how they will feel under his hands but doesn't get far when Dongwoo’s phone goes off. The cheery tune jostles Hoya out of his soon to turn erted thoughts. He wants to smack himself for even thinking about Dongwoo, let alone his anatomy. He should not desire the other man but he can’t stop thinking about him. 

It’s absolutely maddening.

Dongwoo jumps out of bed, his hand going for his phone by the foot of the bed. He accepts the call without looking at the ID afraid the person would hang up. 

"Hello?" Dongwoo practically hollers into the phone, and whispers a soft sorry. Hoya doesn't bother hiding his chuckle. Dongwoo looks at him with drawn eyebrows and narrowed eyes and Hoya laughs at that too. Only then does Dongwoo resort to the middle finger. 

"Hello," Dongwoo repeats, pushing the phone closer to his ear and turning away from Hoya a little. Hoya tilts his head to look at Dongwoo’s expressive face and gets a bit worried to see how serious he has turned. The room is silent for a moment as Dongwoo listens intently to the person on the phone. Hoya wishes he could hear what was being said but all he got was gibberish that was too low to make into any words.

He closes his eyes and lies down, stretching his feet and brushing against Dongwoo’s back in the process. He moves them away.

Hoya had been trying hard not to fall in love with Dongwoo ever since they met last year but the task proved impossible as Hoya thought about the man at least 15 times a day, usually more. To top that, the two were going to similar majors so they were taking many of the same subjects. Dongwoo was always there, in his mind and in reality like now, in his room, for a tutoring session. 

He knew Dongwoo was head over heels for Myungsoo. He had witnessed their PDA one too many times but there was always hope in his heart. His stupid heart believed that there was a chance for him even though he could see the love in the couple’s eyes as they looked at each other. His heart always took Dongwoo’s actions, the bright smiles and the skin ship, as something more even though it was nothing more than the other’s appreciation of their friendship.

Hoya opens his eyes, his thoughts becoming unbearable. He lifts his head to find an emotionless Dongwoo staring at the wall as if it were something else with shiny, glazed eyes. The phone was down by his side, the screen dim and in a few seconds, blank. 

"Dongwoo?" Hoya asks, voice cautious. There was no response, not even a turn of the head. Hoya immediately scoots closer to his friend and lightly shakes his shoulder. Dongwoo turns to him with a pained expression and it makes Hoya in a breath. He had never seen that expression before and it hurts him to see the other male this way. He collects the other into a hug, Dongwoo’s tears suddenly bursting out trails down his eyes and plopping down to Hoya's right shoulder.

Hoya doesn't say anything, and neither does Dongwoo. The body is Hoyas arms shakes and quivers and all he can do is pat his back in hopes of comforting him. 
"Sorry," Dongwoo mumbles sheepishly after a while and pulls his body away. He didn't realize he was sitting on the other man's lap. 

He looks at Hoya with teary eyes and a runny nose that he wipes with his sleeve. Hoya brings his hand up to wipe the remaining tears, letting himself feel the warm skin underneath his thumb.
"What's wrong?" Hoya asks as Dongwoo moves to put his shoes on and looks at Dongwoo questioningly. Dongwoo turn to him and the reluctance in his eyes tell Hoya the other isn’t about to tell him anything. Hoya is not Dongwoo’s boyfriend. Hoya is not Myungsoo. He turns his head away, facing the floor because he can’t bear the thought of Dongwoo looking at him. He will know, Hoya thinks. He will know I love him.

A silence stretches out but Hoya fails to notice, lost in his thoughts and self loathing.

“Hoya?” Dongwoo voice reminds Hoyas he is not alone.

“Yeah?” Hoya says and lifts his head trying to put on an expression of indifference. He smiles and he can feel it breaking. Dongwoo runs to him and embraces him tightly, raising him off the bed. Hoya tries to push him away lightly trying to make it seem playful but Dongwoo doesn’t relent. He catches him by the arms and pulls him forward, too hard causing Hoya to crash onto him. The two tumble backwards onto Hoya’s roommate’s bed and fall, Dongwoo on his back and Hoya on top of him. Hoya twists his head away as if looking at Dongwoo hurts him but Dongwoo hold on to his neck and pulls him down and then somehow their lips are attached together. Hoya slumps into Dongwoo then, his lips moving apart out of shock. Dongwoo moves his lips, and then so does Hoya and the two kiss. Hoya releases what he has been holding in but Dongwoo, finally getting back on his senses, twists his body away so he’s no longer underneath Hoya. He is crouching on the bed, a few inches away from Hoya who has his elbows on the bed and his head inches off the bed, turned down.

“I’m sorry,” Dongwoo mumbles, his voice cracking. “I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry Howon.”

Aren’t you over reacting, Hoya thinks. Do you know something?

Hoya closes his eyes and straightens his arms so he’s face down on the bed. He feels weird with his legs off the bed but he couldn’t find it in himself to care even if his happened to be sticking up in the air. He just does not want to care or think.

Dongwoo gets up, the sheets rustling. He sniffles, and walks around Hoyas feet.

“Bye. Thank you for today.” Dongwoo speaks softly, his voice filled with an apology that makes Hoya want to disappear. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I will understand if you want distance. Thank you for being amazing, Howon. Thank you.” He knows.

He falls asleep like that, as if he doesn’t know how to use a bed. A grown man he is supposed to be, yet he feels like a child. He wakes up at the middle of the night, mouth dry and a weird taste in his mouth. He’s lying on his roommate’s bed, properly now, with a blanket wrapped around his body securely. He looks across the room through the darkness and the filtered moon light to find a shape lying on his bed. Hoya smiles and goes back to bed, planning on thanking his roommate in the morning.

“Don’t thank me,” Wooyoung says with a tired voice. He turns to Hoya and gives him a smile. “You were like that when I got here. You okay? You didn’t look so good last night.”

Who could it be? Who could it be if it’s not Dongwoo? Hoya’s stomach churns and his heart squeezes painfully inside his chest. You make it so easy to fall in love with you.   

“I’m fine.” Hoya gets up from the bed; he’s already dressed for the day since he woke up an hour ago. He feels weighed down by yesterday’s events and the fact that Dongwoo knows Hoya has feeling for him, make Hoya was to disappear to the other side of the planet. He does not know how to face Dongwoo or any of their mutual friends. Sungyeol and his boyfriend will surely have lots of questions. 

Took me a really long time to write this, there will be an addition to this with Dongwoo's POV.

Sayonara~~