Jessica enters her school building, she is already suffering. She walks straight to her locker without making any contact with other students or taking any notice of what is going on around her. She has been known as the Ice Princess of the school since she started there 2 years ago. An image she seem to be unable to get rid off since she was born 15 years ago, a label that will remain no matter what.

Life is black and white or should we say black or white...or maybe just black.

Jessica's first class was history, she actually enjoyed history most of the time and the teacher planned things well and gave good instructions. He didn't ask the students to stand in front of the class and speak either, which was extremely good for Jessica since just the thought of doing that made her dizzy and nervous. Jessica absolutely hated attention, if it wasn't for her pretty hair and chic clothes that is. She could handle compliments and give one back but she couldn't stand people paying all their attention to her when she was talking or moving. She got dizzy and nervous just having a conversation with one other person. A whole class...she died every time.

Jessica sat down in the classroom in the front right corner, hoping no one would sit next to her or any where near her at all for that matter. She didn't want to work with anyone and she absolutely didn't want to chat. Even if she wanted to she wouldn't be able to, there were never any words. Never a fitting sentence or something of value to add to the conversation. She was the girl who stood alone during break, sat alone in the classroom during lessons and went home alone everyday after school. When put into a group for any reason she was the one who simply nodded and agreed to everything, letting out a nervous forced laughter every now and then.

Class went by smoothly, she didn't talk to anyone, she didn't give anyone the chance to talk to her either. She only accidentally made eyecontact with her teacher once, her teacher smiled at her and she smiled back. She hated those smiles, the "I pity you smile" and her response, the "I'm fine smile". She faked it every day and she hated it so much it made her want to flip the table across the room and scream.

During the break between the classes she hid from the others in a toilet on another floor, this was the longest break today and it lasted for 40 minutes. She usually stayed in the toilet the whole time and played with her phone, listened to music or just simply sat there counting the seconds as they passed by. She sighed as the thoughts of how pathetic her life truly was. She had made her brain hurt several times from thinking so hard of what she could change to make things better, more normal. There was never an answer. Never. She didn't enjoy loneliness but she had chosen it over the endless pain of trying to fit in and make friends.

When the 40 minutes had passed she stood up and left the toilet, next lesson was English and she was dreading it. It wasn't because she had problems with the subject, she was actually pretty much fluent in it. It was because the teacher only used methods that included working in groups or pairs. Plus the fact that he also explaind things in a way that always left her wondering wether he meant this or that, he left her confused about what to do. Jessica never asked him about it unless she found the perfect moment to do so. Otherwise she just looked around and tried to do what everybody else was doing. Too often she ended up avoiding going to English class by skipping it. Her attendence was only 58% for English this year...at least it was higher than P.E...

The lesson started horribly with a pair assignment where they were supposed to write letters to each other about a novel they had read. Jessica ended up with one of the most talkactive girls in her class and she mentally cursed. Through out the lesson she was forced to speak more than she had probably spoken in a months time. Her voice broke and became high pitched like a dolphin and she stumbled over words using a lot of engrish as her brain was in a state of panic and could not provide her the english words she needed. Her arms were shaking and the rest of her body stiffend and she tried desperately to avoid eyecontact with the other girl. Her partner seemed to understand Jessica wasn't the talking type and Jessica's paranoid self kicked in thinking the girl could understand a whole lot more.

'She knows I cry myself to sleep oh my god, she notices that I''m sweating, she is going to think I'm so weird ! She is going to hate me forever, she notices I'm shaking, she is going to think I'm psycotic or something oh good god, good god, good god. Please make me invisible, please kill me with a heartattack, or lightning, or even make someone shoot me, please oh god please !' were Jessica's thoughts as she tried to breathe normally and see clearly. By now other students noticed her, or well...she thought they did. The teacher suddenly announces that they're free to go and Jessica almost run out of the classroom walking directly to the toilet again.

Jessica lean in against the door. Her heart is beating like crazy and white swirls appears in front of her eyes. She slides down and presses her forehead against her thighs, her hands holding her stomach. Her hair covers the sides like a curtain and she breathes in and out slowly. The air is hot and smells of her shampoo and perfume, it calms her down. She stops shaking and sweating eventually, she glances at her watch, 1 hour...

She begins to panic again as she realizes she'll have to stay in here for another hour since she already missed the begining of her next class. 'This is no good, don't cry.' her mind tries to tell her. She starts twisting her long blonde curls in between her fingers, messing them up. Her back hurts from sitting on the floor for so long and she lets go of her hair and moves around a bit. The tears starts flowing down her cheeks and she hears herself sobbing. She covers with her left hand and puts her right hand inside her shirt, she reaches up her bra and struggles a while before she gets hold of what she is looking for. She takes it up and her left hand lets go of . She pulls up the left sleeve of her shirt and shut her eyes. She breathes for a while before looking down at the object in her right hand. The blade of a pencil sharpener that she always carries around in a secret pocket of her bra. The tiny thing reflects her red swollen face.

Like most people, she once used to be "normal". She used to have some friends and she used to talk to people. All that has changed, it's gone and it's never going to be like that again. She used to celebrate her birthday and invite her best friends and make them delicious cupcakes. She was a good cook and she loved to make cupcakes and cakes as well. Her favourite colour used to be pink and she used to dance and sing along to Girls Generation's songs happily. She played their albums all day long and her favourite song used to be Oh!. Seems like another life time now...

Blood begins to drip down her arm and the tears stop flowing. Her face puts on the Ice Princess look. The blood matches the red walls of the toilet as usual. It's not scary anymore. Jessica sighs.

- I hate myself. She says out loud.

It's her fault things turned out like this, it's her fault she is alone. If only she was different...Jessica lets out a sarcastic laughter. How many times have she tried to change ? She doesn't know anymore. She has changed her hair, her clothes and she has followed every rule she knows of to be like everyone else. To have friends to laugh with and talk to. She really has tried but she gave up. That's why she deserves everything that's coming to her. She did this to herself. She is also the one who cut her skin. Her scarred body reminds her of that every day and night. But the pain is good, it dries her tears, make the bad thoughts lighter and she knows she deserves it.

Jessica lost track of time, next thing she knew it was 17.56 and school had ended already. She had missed lunch and was starving. She stood up and brushed her jeans free from dirt and dust. She realized she was still bleeding. Thankfully there was a first aid kit in the toilet and she helped herself to it. Suddenly she feels her phone vibrating in her pocket. She picks it up and read a text she just received. She stares at it for a few minutes, it was from her mother. Her sister, Krystal was in the ER due to complications with her medicines. Jessica don't know how to react. Her sister is suffering with brain cancer but they  had planned to remove the tumour as soon as possible so she shouldn't be having any problems now. Jessica run down to her locker and get her stuff. She must get to the hospital.

After a 2 hours long visit at the hospital Jessica and her mother are on their way home again. Jessica is having a McDonald's meal in the backseat while her mother is humming along to the radio. Turns out her sister is going to be fine for now, they just wanted her to stay over night at the hospital. Jessica's mother will drop Jessica off at home and get some stuff for Krystal before she goes back to the hospital. Jessica wanted to stay there over night too but her mother insisted that she would go home and do her homework and get some sleep. Jessica has wished she was the one with the tumour countless times, her sister is perfect and has tons of friends always visiting her and sending her Get Well gifts. She doesn't even have time to thank them all. Her sister sings like an angel, plays the piano better than Mozart and draws like Picasso. She is the pride of their whole family, she also just recently started modelling but had to step back due to the cancer. It's not fair, bad things happen to good people, 'why couldn't it have happened to me instead.' Jessica thinks again. She would gladly have cancer, to die from it...

It's 23.15 when Jessica is standing in her yard looking up at the stars. She is hoping she'll see a falling one and be able to make a wish. She wants some kind of reassurance that Krystal will be fine. She should be sleeping though, she'll probably catch a cold if she keeps on standing out here in the middle of the night. As she turns around to go back inside she is surprised to see a person on the balcony of the house on the left side of hers.

- ! she jumps back at the sight.

- Did I scare you ? the unknown person asks.

- No. Jessica tries to get a look at the stranger but it's very dark and all she can make out is that it's a girl with dark hair.

- But I did. The girl states.

Jessica feels uncomfortable so she doesn't respond, who even talks that way to a complete stranger ? She can't find it in her to move either so she keeps staring at the girl on the balcony.

- I just moved in here. The girl breaks the silence.

- In the middle of the night ? Jessica attempts to joke.

- Yes. The girl answer seriously.

She tries to figure out wether she is serious or not because if she is then she is very weird. Jessica gives the girl a suspicious look.

- I'll live here with my sisters Yoona and Seohyun, I'm Yuri.

- Oh, I'm Jessica, tell them I said hello and welcome to the block ! Jessica says politely.

- How old are you ? Yuri asks.

- 15, how old are you ?

- 15 too.

- What school will you be attending ?

- Home schooled.

- Oh, ok. Cool.

Jessica can't hide her dissapointment and it surprises her she is even feeling that way.

- Good night. Yuri dissappears into her house.

Jessica didn't get a chance to say it back before Yuri was gone. She walks inside and up to her room. 'How weird isn't it that she moved in here in the middle of the night... Really weird...' Suddenly she realizes something. 'I just enjoyed a pretty normal conversation.' Jessica actually smiles as she lies in her bed. She looks out the window and realize she can see into her new neighbours house. She never noticed before because the lights were never on in there as no one lived there in a long time. Jessica sees a figure moving in the room, she falls asleep...wondering if it's Yuri.