A/N: Some cringe worthy cheesiness ahead. 

---

“It’ll be okay, Sica-yah. I’ll be gone for a while but I’ll be back.” I said and smiled reassuringly. I wiped the lone tear that escaped her eyes with my thumb, before I leaned in and planted a kiss on her forehead. “I promised I won’t let you feel alone again. Didn’t I?”

 

And then I left; leaving her still standing there, cheeks tinted red, one hand dumbly touching her forehead.

 

What Makes a Rock Star

 

Chapter 24

(Just This Once)

 

I didn’t know it’ll be that easy to get out of the trouble when it involved someone with a family as influential as Onew’s. After making us do a written report as we sat across each other, and having us talk to a counselor separately (since Onew threw a pencil on me while we were writing), the principal let us go.

 

We both made our way to the door and turned in the opposite direction. I watched him from the corner of my eyes as he walked away, hands shoved in his pocket. I was surprised that he didn’t turn back. He's a prideful man. I knew he wouldn’t let this go just like that or let me off without a threat. I felt like there was something wrong. Especially when he started laughing by himself.

 

---

 

I was to visit Jessica in the infirmary when I saw Yoona, standing by the door. She was leaning on the door as she craned her neck, as if trying to peek inside.

 

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

 

“Ooof!” Yoona jerked in surprise and quickly turned to me, hand on her chest. She let out a sigh of relief when she realized it was just me. “What the hell, nerd! You almost gave me a heart attack!” I raised an eyebrow suspiciously. She looked like someone just caught her stealing or something.

 

Seeing my expression, she started awkwardly pulling the hem of her shirt with a rather flustered expression. She bit her lips, her gaze everywhere but me. “I-I was… just… looking for… the nurse! Ha! Yeah. I was looking for the nurse.” She said even though I did not ask. 

 

I looked over her shoulder. Behind her, the nurse was sitting at the desk located right in front of the door. “But the nurse is right there, Yoona. ”  I pointed out, giving her a questioning look.

 

She cocked her head to the side; eyebrows raised; like she; trying to look superior by feigning arrogance.

 

“E-Eh?!?” She looked surprised. She quickly looked behind her. I heard her murmur a silent ‘’ before she turned to me again. “Of course, I know the nurse is there!” She said crossing her arms across her chest defensively. I raised an eyebrow. She quickly glanced to look at my face and she looked away again, “But,I was looking for the other nurse. Yes. The other nurse.” She said, nodding to herself. I raised my other eyebrow, a smirk slowly forming on my lips. “What?” She asked, narrowing her eyes on me when she saw my unconvinced expression.

 

“Nothing.” I answered trying to sound nonchalant. I tried not to smile in amusement but I couldn’t help it. It’s not every day I got to see Yoona fidgeting.

 

She gave a little flick of her head, tossing her braid back, and scoffed. “Good.” She looked at me from the corner of her eyes and gave me a once over, eyebrows equally raised as mine. “So… how are you?” She asked. I almost choked when I heard a hint of concern on her voice for the first time.

 

She looked at me expectantly before she looked away then scoffed, “Nevermind.”

 

That's when it hit me. 

 

Of course! Of course! Why haven’t I thought of it before? Slowly, a grin started forming my face. I looked at her knowingly. 

 

“What? Why are you grinning, looking at me like that?” She asked, looking more self-conscious than disgusted.

 

Because, I know now why you’re here.

 

My grin only widened.

 

“Ew. Weirdo. Why the hell am I talking to you anyway?” Her lips scrunched up in disgust but that didn’t hide the blush that formed on her cheeks. She waved her hand dismissively and she walked off, awkwardly fixing her uniform even though it’s not in disarray. “Pretend this never happened, okay? I’m out of here.”

 

Looking at her go, I chuckled, flinching when a sharp pain on the side of my abdomen where Onew kneed accompanied my laugh. Putting pressure on it to ease the pain, I entered the infirmary with a smile. Of all the people, who could have thought that Yoona will be worried about Jessica?

 

---

 

A smile immediately formed on my face when I saw her sitting at the side of the bed, still holding on her forehead, looking blankly ahead. The nurse then stood up from the desk and bid goodbye saying she would leave for a while to submit some papers to the school office. After bowing to the nurse goodbye, I walked towards to the zoning out brat. “Sica-yah.” I called, snapping her out of her reverie.

 

My smile disappeared immediately. The distant look on her eyes changed into something indescribable when she looked up and met my gaze. It was not the indifference that I hated, but an expression of fear and longing and pain and yearning and restraint; all five at the same time etched in the depths of her eyes before all settled to a cold one.

 

One hesitant step forward. “How are you feeling, Sic-”

 

“Stop.” She stood up from the bed, holding her gaze low. Despite all the emotions I saw on her eyes, her voice was as cold as ice.

 

“Sica?” I asked, confused. I thought things were fine with us already.

 

“Can you…” She gulped. “...Can you please leave?”She said, her voice cracking at the end despite her efforts to sound cold. Not until she bit her lips did I notice they were slightly quivering.

 

Worried, I took more steps closer. “Why? Are you not feeling well? Are you running a fever again? ”

 

She turned her back on me, pulled the bed covers and slipped herself in. “No. I’m just tired. Just go.”She said as she pulled the cover up and shifted so she’s lying on the side, her back on me.

 

I bent down. I reached out my hands, wanting to check her temperature “Are you sure? Let me just check, oka~ Ouch!” I yelped when she slapped my hand away even before it found her forehead.

 

“I said, go away.” She mumbled against the sheet and shifted so she was lying farther away from me.

 

I was to scold her but decided against it. A lot happened today. She deserved to have a rest. I sighed and retreated to the seat beside her bed. “Okay. Sleep then. I’m just right here when you wake up, okay?” I said to reassure her, only to see her shoulders stiffen before she curled up under the cover.

 

Moments passed. I thought she already fell asleep when suddenly I heard a faint sniffing sound. I hurried to her side when I noticed her shoulders jerking heavily as she sobbed.

 

“Sica-yah, why are you~” I tried to touch her again but even before I could she sat up.

 

“Stop doing this to me.” She said with a muffled voice. She shrugged my hand off before scooting to sit at the side of the bed across me.

 

“Huh? Stop doing what?” I asked dumbly, not getting what she meant.

 

“This.”

 

I used my hands to move closer to her, to see her, but she shifted to the right, facing the side table. “I don’t think I get what you’re saying. I think it would be better if you rest now and talk about this lat~” I began but was cut short when she suddenly stood up. “Sica?”

 

“You don’t get it.” She said, frustrated. She quickly snatched her bag from the side table. “No one could get it.”

 

“Hey! Wait! Sica, wait~!” I jumped down the bed when she suddenly hurried to the door and blocked her. “Can you please tell me what’s wrong? I admit that I don’t understand but how do you expect me to when you kept talking to me in riddles?” I said but she just kept her gaze away. Frustration hit me when she said nothing. I had enough of this. So when she tried to walk pass me, I grabbed her by the wrist with an intention to stop her and just say everything I’ve been dying to tell her since this morning.

 

“Ah!”

 

A loud yelp from her instantly made me forget that and I instantly let go of her wrist. She cradled her hand, holding on her wrist to support it. She winced, hissing as the pain in her hand, which, I noticed, was wrapped snugly with a bandage.

 

“Oh ! I’m sorry, Sica. I didn’t know you were hurt. Are you okay?” Instinctively, I reached out to her hurting wrist.

 

“Don’t~! Please don’t touch me.” She jerked, taking a step back. Her breathing hitched as she spoke.

 

“I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I hurt you, Sica. I really didn’t mean to.”  I said, retracting my hand and closing it into a fist, inwardly cursing myself for my rashness. “But can you at least tell me what’s wrong.  You’ve been acting strange. I don’t know what to do anymore. Hell, I don’t even know what I did! Please, Sica. Tell me. Whatever the matter is, I will understand.” I told her reassuringly, pleadingly.

 

I was never the pleading type of person. Nor was I someone who pushes himself to someone when they didn’t want to. But for Jessica I could be someone else. Someone who’ll do anything just to figure her and everything that’s going on in her mind out. Someone who’ll let his pride down just so I could let her stare at my soul and see how sincerely I wanted to understand her. I’ve changed, albeit unknowingly. I needed to. Because now, I knew that no matter how hard I try to divert my feelings to somewhere, or someone, else, in the end, I could deny the fact that I’ve f~

 

“Want me to tell you what’s wrong?” Jessica suddenly spoke. She turned to me and I felt my heart sank when I saw the tears on her eyes. “What’s wrong is this. All of this. This where you’re always here for me. Always making your presence felt. Always offering help. Always making me feel like I could rely on you or seek you out whenever I wanted to.  Always coming back to my side. Always searching me when I’m gone like I’m nothing but special… I hate it.”

 

She was looking down as she spoke but when she finally looked at me, I felt the pain in her eyes. It was sad yet accusing, and I knew right then that whatever that pain was, I was the one who brought them on her.

 

“It’s wrong.” She said against trembling lips and all I could was to stare at her. “Before, despite everything that happened to me; from being a loner to being a prey of Hara’s clique to being engaged to someone against my will, I never felt a thing. But you came. You made me feel.  You came and brought all these unexplainable things, feelings, with you and made me feel all those things I’d long since forgotten. I’m not supposed to feel, Yuri-ah~" Her voice cracked.  "I’m supposed to be numb. Because feeling makes you weak, feeling makes you hurt. I don’t want to experience those again. I don’t want to feel anything anymore.” She said and held her head low, letting her tears fall.

 

I stood there, watching her cry. I didn’t know what to do. All those things I did before, they only hurt her, didn’t they? I wanted to make her stop crying, to comfort her, but I didn’t want to risk hurting her again. My fists tightened on my side and I looked away shamefully, like a coward who can’t even face the result of what he has done. I stayed mum while she sobbed right in front of me, torturing me.

 

My head snapped to the door of the infirmary when I heard it creaked open. The sight of Mr. Jan’s confused and worried gaze when he saw me and Jessica made me even guiltier.

 

“Young Lady,” Mr. Jan gently, his eyes looking at me, asking for explanation as he walked to Jessica. “Your father arrived. He asked me to come here to fetch you.” He continued and finally set his gaze on the crying blonde. “The school had been informed. Please come with me.” He said, hand reaching up to Jessica’s shoulders and I couldn’t help but feel useless when I saw how his touch made her shaking shoulders relax a little.

 

Jessica gave a timid nod before she turned to leave, walking ahead of Mr. Jan. I stepped forward to follow but Mr. Jan shook his head in disapproval when he saw me. Not yet. That’s what his expression told me. So I stopped. I held myself back like I always did whenever I was with Jessica. As I watched their retreating figure go, I felt the lump on my throat grow bigger and I knew that all the words I wanted to tell Jessica would now forever suffocate me.

 

---

 

“Please, proceed directly to your room, Young Master. It was an order from the Young Lady.” One of the maids said as soon as I entered Jung's mansion. My eyebrow raised from her suddenly very formal treatment. Noticing the other house helpers, they too looked more stiff and tensed than usual. My gaze fell on a certain corner in the hall where four men in black suits were standing outside a door. Like a reflex, I reached for my uniform’s tie and loosened it. So this was what Mr. Jung’s presence in the house brought; the house felt kind of empty when I first came but now, with Mr. Jung present, it felt stuffy.

 

Deciding it was better to do as Jessica said; I nodded to the maid and proceeded to the stairs. It was then, when I was already on my last few steps up, a deafening sound of a slap resonated in the quiet hall and before I could stop myself, I was already running down the stairs, to the room where the sound resonated from. The men guarding the door looked alarmed when they saw me, but before they could intervene, the door behind them opened, revealing a tall man with graying hair wearing a suit. He radiated the same aura as Jessica’s.

 

Mr. Jung.

 

I suddenly felt small when his eyes landed upon mine. I gave a ninety degree bow immediately, which he returned politely with a nod but the same expression was implanted on his face. Passive. Strict. Cold. Now, I could see where Jessica got those aspects of her.

 

After nodding, he didn’t even give me a second look. He gave his briefcase to one of the men and walked straight to the door, giving no regard to the house helpers that bowed at him. For a moment, I just stood there and watched him go. Then I remembered about Jessica and pushed open the door, to which I figured was Mr. Jung’s study room. I saw her standing in the middle of the room but instead from what I expected, she wasn’t crying. She simply stood there; gaze cold as ice as she cradled her cheek with one hand. The sight made me grit my teeth. It was the second time she got slapped today and again, I wasn’t able to prevent it.

 

Then she saw me, and easily, like a melting ice in the scorching hot, everything cold about her melted and soon she was hurrying away from me, arm hiding her tear stained face. This time, I didn’t do anything to stop her. She didn’t want me near her. I didn’t want to burden her any further.

 

Soon after, the sound of the loud banging of the door of her room echoed in the lonely hall of the Jung’s. Shoving my hands on my pocket, I swallowed the painful urge to run after Jessica. I went to the piano instead and lined my song writing paraphernalia on its surface. Like all those other times that I held myself back, I needed the diversion.

 

---

 

I closed the door behind me with a thud. I was too tired for manners to even matter. Unlike before, where I fixed everything on the room before retreating to my bed, I dropped my things on the floor carelessly. It didn’t matter anymore. Everything was a mess. Ruined. I tried fixing things and in the end, only worsened them. Better leave them as they are. You have enough problems, Kwon. It’s better this way. At least, you won’t add more to those.

 

But the problem presented itself anyway.

 

In the form of a bundle of limbs curled up in the middle of the couch inside my room.

 

At first, I only watched Jessica’s serene expression as she slept. Then, just like before, everything about her catched me. The sound of her breath and rise and fall of her chest. How her lips quivered slightly and eyebrows furrowed every now and then. The way her hair flowed and looked like gold in contrast to the couch’s dull surface. And the way her hands were turned into fists, arms flexed on the surface of the couch as she lay sideward, and they jerked as Jessica shivered from the coldness of the room.

 

Instincts acting up, I went to get my bed comforter and lay it over her. I crouched on the floor as I tucked her in, getting a good view of her face. The way her eyebrows furrowed as she murmured incomprehensibly in her sleep made me bite my own lips in frustration. Slowly reaching out with my free hand, I straightened the creases on her forehead with my fingers, smiling unconsciously when I saw her expression start to relax.

 

After making sure that the comforter was secured, I retracted my hand and jerked in surprise when a tight grip caught my hand in place. Jessica held on to mine with her injured ones.

 

Slowly and gently, I peeled her fingers off on my hand. I was to stand when I saw her hand that had previously grip mine started feeling the couch’s surface; searching. Then her breathing hitched, eyebrows furrowed again. By reflex, I reached for her hand and I exhaled in relief when I saw her expression relaxed again. 

 

But with relief came a tear. A lone tear that escape her eye, flowed down and travelled the length of the bridge of her nose. I found myself frowning. Why does she always need to cry?

 

Cupping her face with my free hand, I wiped her tear with my thumb. Her face seemed so small that it felt like it was made to fit on my hand. Like my hands were made for them. And, even when the remnants of the tear dried I couldn’t make myself let go of her face. I might haven't admitted it to myself before, but I have always loved the feeling of her close to me. Her warmth. The smoothness of her skin. The sweet fragrance of her hair. I loved it. Almost to the point that I was addicted to it.

 

And, with what happened today, the urge to be closer to her heightened to the point that I couldn’t contain it anymore.

 

As I felt the warmth of her breath press against the back of my hand, like the first time I did, "Just this once," I thought, before I let myself go. 

 

I found myself closing my eyes as I held her soft hand in between my palms. Taking a deep breath, I glanced at her sleeping figure making sure she was fast asleep. As gently as possible I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it tenderly. Sincerely, I let my lips linger, enough to let the warmth of her hand settle on my senses. My heartbeat fastened inside my chest and I couldn’t help but smile against the hand of the sleeping girl.

 

You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to do this, Jessica. You don’t know much. I'm willing to do that again and again and never ever get tired.

 

I held her hand against my cheek, leaning on to it, and found myself holding my breath because despite the coldness of the room, her hands felt so warm against my skin.

 

So it’s true, eh? Even the littlest things are possible to take one's breath away.

 

Not letting go of her hand, I sat down at the narrow space beside her. I caressed her cheek, fingers trailing her eyebrow down to the curves of cheekbones and contour of her jaw, the bridge of her nose, leaving her lips untouched. Slowly leaning down, I traced her peaceful looking face with my eyes as I held her hand against my chest, just above my heart. I closed my eyes and nuzzled my nose against hers, a thin smile forming on my lips. 

 

Feel that? The beating of my heart? How I wish you could. So I could ask you if you liked how it felt. If you want it. Because  I would happily give it to you.

 

Opening my eyes, I saw her bangs hid her eyes from the view. Brushing her bangs and tucking them behind her ears, I sighed, eyes automatically darting on her lips.  

 

You know why I gave you that headband? It’s to avoid having to tuck your bangs away. I could see your face better whenever I did that and it made me want to kiss you more.

 

I found myself gulping in nervously. Heart pumped the fastest in a long time and I needed to take a deep breath for the thing I was to do next.

 

Holding her chin still, I leaned and kissed her cheek softly. 

 

Forgive me, Sica. I know I’m not worthy of you. I never fell in love before. I never thought I would. I never intended this to happen. I wanted to brush it off. I tried so hard, I swear. 

 

Half lidded  eyes stared at her inviting lips and slowly, I leaned in. Closing my eyes, I felt my heart stop as the warmth of her lips settled in mine; lips that I’ve been wanting to kiss so bad.  

 

Just this once, please. For this one short time; let me love you.

 

I knew on that moment that that one kiss would forever be imprinted in my mind. I had kissed her before, but not like this. I've never kissed anyone like this; Loving. Lingering. Longing.

 

I almost forgot how to breathe as I pulled away and stared at her innocent face. After kissing her forehead for the last time, I lay down beside her with a bitter smile. For a good while, I just stared at her. 

 

I think I'm in love with you.

 

“Brat,” was all I said.

 

And then, I let her go.

 

 

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A/N: Guys, I can't afford to update fast. Please be patient with this. It will take time before I get to complete this but I promise that it will not be abandoned. 

And another thing, I was thinking of making a YURI (genre) version of this fic. I'm just SO gay for snsd nowadays and writing it YURI style would help me get the 'feels'. I hope you understand.

Thank you for reading, chingus. The upvotes are very much appreciated too. Please do comment. They are loved. It feels really nice to hear some feedback. ^^