KeyTae

 

There had been so many times that Taemin had seen his bandmates- his best friends and co-workers- break down. Whether it be in the form of tears or physicalities from pure exhaustion, frustration or even anger; they'd all been guilty of having a break down at least once. But they had never quite had to deal with one to this extent.

They'd gotten into brawls, they'd gotten into screaming and cussing matches- they'd done it all. They were a bunch of hot blooded males stuck in a dorm together, stuck in the van together, stuck in a dance studio together, 24/7. They were bound to lose their patience with each other. 

But not one single time had the topic of disbandment arizen. Not one time. No matter how bad things got, that one topic was off bounds.

Yet here they all were, pale faced and wide eyed in the middle of the dance studio because those words had left someones mouth: I'm done. I'm sick of this- sick of all of you and sick of all of them and sick of SHINee. I'm tired...I'm so sick and tired of it all. I'm done.

Now, they all knew from person experience that Key had a bit of a temper. And an attitude. And the tendancy to blow things out of perportion. But this....The way his face was drawn, tired and displaying nothing but withdrawal? They could all see just how serious he was being. He wasn't just throwing a temper tantrum. He was completely, and utterly, done. His eyes didn't hold his usual blazing anger or glazed exhaustion that was so usual for him, during his fits or his break downs. They were just kind of...empty. 

Just looking at them for a single second sent chills wracking down Taemin's spine.

Those words sent chilld wracking down his spine.

What in the world had his Hyung been going through to make him act so oddly? To say such a...permananet thing- such a serious and heart breaking thing? They were at the peek of their Idol careers as far as they were concerned; they'd traveled the world, met internationsl fans and celebreties. They'd released hit singles and albums and held concerts. They were doing amazing, they were living their dreams and along with their success came hard, teeth gritting work. Key had to of known that, had to of been prepaired for it.

Yet here he was, giving up.

And Taemin had absolutely no clue how he was supposed to get his Hyung back on his feet. He had no idea how he was supposed to help him, how he was supposed to make sure Key didn't give up; it wasn't just his dream he was putting on the line with those words. It was all of their dreams. 

And as if that thought had suddenly been shoved in all of their faces, Jonghyun sputtered out something and quickly his heel to disappear out into the hallways of SM. He knew that he hadn't been the only one to spot their lead singers lips trembling in a losing battle with oncoming tears. Mostly because less than a second passed before Jinki took off after him with a tight jaw and shaking balled fists.

The worst of them, though, was Minho. The ever stoic, mature and charismatic rapper of SHINee was openly crying in front of them. He didn't try to hide it, he didn't feel ashamed or embarrassed as Jonghyun often did. He just stood in his spot off to the side of Key...And cried. His eyes were locked on the shiny, hardwood floor and his shoulders were sagged. He looked as if he were going to open his mouth and stutter out a quiet, trembling "why?" but instead a steady stream of words left his lips before he turned and left the room as well.

"You are so selfish, Kibum. So, so selfish."

Those words had Taemin's chest shuddering as he let out a tense breath. He understood why they were upset, really he did. But nobody had exactly let Key explain. 

And in a way he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear Key's voice because he was afraid of what it would trigger in him.

Anger?

Fear?

Sadness?

...Pity?

With a quick repition of blinks he heaved a sigh and quietly took a seat against one of the walls. He wouldn't leave his teammate alone. He wasn't that heartless. It didn't matter that he was in termoil with his own confusing feelings; Key was always there for him- for all of them as a matter of fact- and he was going to be there for him too. Even if he was just going to stand in the middle of the studio with a blank expression on his face. Even if he wasn't completely aware that he wasn't alone at the moment, Taemin was going to stay anyway.

It was all he could think to do at the time.

"Selfish..."

Taemin glanced up, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. Had Key just spoken or was he losing his mind and hearing things- Key hadn't moved an inch, hadn't shown any sign of opening his mouth at all-

"Am I being selfish, Tae?"

Slowly Key's body turned to face him, those empty eyes now filled with almost innocent confusion. His eyebrows were drawn together and his jaw was flexed. He looked so, so confused.

Taemin felt confused.

"S-selfish?"

Key nodded, slowly taking steps closer to Taemin until he was sitting beside his legs, on the floor with his knees bent and his head tilted back onto the wall.

Taemin shrugged, looking at the ceiling nervously; what the heck was he supposed to say? Yes Hyung you are being selfish. You are jeprodizing all of our dreams. Not just yours. All of my hard work- all of OUR hard work- is going right down the drain because you are being selfish. Because you're tired, because you're annoyed or fed up...When we're all fine. When we are happy, and excited and living our dreams to their fullest.

A choked, slightly odd exhale snapped Taemin out of his thoughts. He glanced to his side and felt his heart plumet down into his feet. Key, his ever so strong Hyung was at the absolute bottom- the bottom of what exactly, he wasn't so sure. But he looked like he was just so, so done. like he had just given up everything. Given up on life. He was trembling, his shoulders and knees shaking while his eyes were closed- closed so tears wouldn't slip out even though they had already done so. His cheeks were completely ashen, his chest heaving and his nostrils flared like he couldn't breathe.

He looked like he was trying not to burst into hysterical sobs.

And that kind of scared Taemin. A lot.

He'd seen Key cry before, he'd seen him sleeping after crying, he'd seen him burst into angry tears and lose all sanity. But this, this was something he had never seen from anyone but Jonghyun.

This wasn't Key anymore; this was definitely Kibum.

And Taemin had no idea how to deal with Kibum. He didn't know how to make him stop or make him feel comforted or alright. Key...All he would have to do with Key was leave him be for a while; let him simmer down and then cuddle him until he either calmed down and talked about his problem or fell asleep. Kibum on the other hand hadn't exactly made an appearance as often as any of them would have liked.

He had no idea what to do.

He was debating whether or not to just turn and hug him or leave him to himself for a bit so he could catch up with the other guys and see how they were all holding up...But right in the middle of his pros/cons mental listing Kibum made the decision for him by practically collapsing onto his lap with loud, heart wrenching sobs. Tears soaked Taemin's sweats almost immediately and big, shaking hands grasped at his sides with a death grip that would have hurt had it not been for the fact that Kibum's physical strength at that point was probably close to nonexistant.

All he could do was squeak out a startled, "K-Kibum?" And brace himself with his hands behind him on the floor. Being in a situation like that was one of many ways to make Lee Taemin feel extremely out of his element. And oooh how awkward and unsure he felt. He hesitantly patted Kibum's shaking, heaving back with one hand and cringed when it set off an incoherent garble of what he guessed was being stuttered out in a sloppy Daegu dialect. He didn't catch a single word other than one word that he was quickly getting sick of.

Selfish.

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish-  Was this word going to seriously be the downfall of SHINee?

Hell no. Not if it was up to him, anyway.

He almost wanted to smack his Hyung and tell him to shut his mouth, to get a hold of himself and compose himself before he ruined what little was left of Taemin's self control. But instead, of course, he had to settle for sitting there silently while he let Kibum fall apart and just let out whatever it was that he had too.

And fall apart he did; he sobbed until Taemin thought he was literally going to make himself sick.

And just as he had quieted down a bit, slowed down his breathing to a somewhat normal pace, the door opened and in waltzed a highly irritated looking Jinki. He proceeded to pick up three bags- Jonghyun, Minho's and own- before he sent a rather sharp look over to Taemin. He didn't look down at Kibum once.

"Get your stuff. We're done with practice for today- obviously."

And with a heavy, tired sigh he left the room. Again.

Taemin felt the grip on his waist loosen considerably before Kibum suddenly darted up and grabbed his own bag, stomping his way out into the hallway with an almost violent slamming of the practice rooms door behind him and not a single word.

It was dead silent in that room. As if nothing that had just happened, had even taken place. It felt way too peaceful.

Taemin looked down at his sweats and saw two large wet patches on his thigh, where Kibum had been crying. Really the only proof that any of that had just happened.

He felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with everything, and as he grabbed his bag and cautiously joined the thick tension-filled hallway where his other bandmates were all standing- not paying each other any mind other than Jinki who was rubbing small comforting circles into Jonghyun back- silently and tensely...He felt the sudden urge to just scream at them. All of them.

For being stupid, for being immature about it all. For letting something they didn't even fully know about...Rip them apart so easily.

When Jinki gestured for Minho to head down to the van, and instead Kibum took off down the hallway first, Taemin just sighed and shook his head. He was reminded of many things; one of them being the fact that this was probably the worst place to hav an all-out argument.

They would no doubt settle things back at the dorm, that is if Kibum didn't pulla fast one and revert into Key and just shut them all out.

He sincerely hoped he wouldn't.