Working with SHINee was a nightmare and a half combined. I woke up early on a Saturday morning to meet up with the boys at a photo studio. They were taking photos for their Japanese comeback. Despite waking up exceptionally early, I ended up being late anyways because my manager gave me the wrong address. I had to call up Baekhyun to get me Taemin’s number to finally find the right place.

When I arrived, I got scolded by SHINee’s manager and one of the senior make-up artists for being irresponsible followed by threats of being fired from my first day on the job.

“You okay?” Taemin asked as I worked on his make-up. I nodded silently, his manager’s voice still ringing in my head. The day had barely started and I was already regretting my decision of switching over.

“Ow.” I jumped as he flinched and reached up reflexively for his right eye. I gasped, realizing I had accidentally gotten eyeliner in his eye.

“Oh my God, Taemin I’m so sorry. H-Here, let me help you.” I quickly dabbed a cotton swab into water and eased it along his bottom water-line. “I’m so sorry Taemin. I’m sorry.”

He flinched every time I dabbed at his eye but he assured me that he was fine. After a few minutes, his eye had stopped watering and I continued on again. Now that I was paying attention, I realized he did have an uncanny resemblance of Jongin. I shook the thought out of my head and focused on the task at hand.

“I’m such a screw up today.” I mumbled to myself. He opened his eyes and stared up at me.

“You’re doing fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“No I’m not. I was late, I got make-up in your eye. What’s going to happen next? I knock over the set equipment?”

He took my hand in his and gazed at me warmly. “Trust me. You’re doing perfectly fine. Don’t stress yourself.”

I sighed and nodded. He smiled softly at me. “Hurry up and finish so I can introduce you to the other members.”

That’s exactly what happened. To my relief, the members accepted me right from the beginning. Jonghyun and Onew even joked around with me about being late on the first day. When I explained to them what happened, they all gave me looks of sympathy. We weren’t able to talk long before the photoshoot began.

In many ways, it was hard work running on and off the set to help fix up their outfits and make-up but at least I wasn’t standing in the blaring lights. For the most part, I was lonely. My usual co-worker was still with EXO and the senior make-up artist here seemed to hate my guts.

So when they finally announced that the day was over, I was already waiting eagerly with water bottles for each of the members. They smiled gratefully at me before going off to change.

Taemin was the first one out, returning in comfy shorts and a t-shirt. With the rush coming to an end, I finally was able to take a real look at him. I let in a short intake of breath and reflexively inched away from him when he took a seat next to me on the couch.

He didn’t seem to notice though, and only scooched closer.

‘Stop being so irrational. It’s not him.’ I told myself. I watched him warily. My heart started beating faster and I instinctively wanted to cry, tears whelming up in my eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He asked softly.

It was his voice that snapped me out of it. That definitely wasn’t Jongin’s voice. This voice was a lot more calm, soothing, warm.

“N-nothing. I’m just....you look at lot like him.”

“Jongin?” I nodded. He laughed. “So I’ve been told.”

“You did pretty well for your first day.” He commented.

I lightened up a bit. “Trust me. The EXO boys are a lot more demanding than you guys are.”

“Really? Like who?”

“Well...Sehun’s exceptionally clingy. Chanyeol just drains your energy in general. Baekhyun had an episode where he was puking backstage.”

“Eww.”

I chuckled. “I know. But he was sick that day so I don’t blame him.”

“And Jongin?” He asked. I froze at the name, taking a few seconds to react.

“Jongin is the neediest of them all.” I said, feeling my heart tug at the mention of him. It was telling me I missed him. And in no doubt I did. Memories came back of his jealousy, his demanding behaviour, his clingy, emotional self.

“Yeah, he really is a child sometimes.” He laughed. “Don’t tell him I said that though.”

I smiled and nodded. We sat in silence as we waited for the others to come out. When they did, we all went out for dinner. Throughout the entire meal, I couldn’t help but compare Taemin to Jongin. His eyes, his smile, his laugh, his eating habits, the way he scowls at his hyungs....everything.

And I knew it’s not right of me to say but....in everything he did, I saw a bit of Jongin in him and that scared me. At the same time though, I couldn’t help but feel an attraction to him. I wanted to get to know Lee Taemin.

By the end of dinner, I had all the member’s phone numbers and I had gotten closer to all of them. As we said our goodbyes, Taemin was demandant that I’d call and text him as soon as possible.

I promised him I would, and that night, I did.

---

I yawned and gave up trying to keep my eyes open. I heart Taemin chuckling on the other end.

“You should really go to sleep Yoonae.”

“No. I don’t want to.” I mumbled in a groggy voice.

“It’s 1am already, we’ve been talking since 10. You have school tomorrow too.” I groaned at the reminder.

It was the 5th night in a row that we were talking to each other on the phone. I always felt comfortable talking to him. All my worries - school, work, Jongin...- were so easily forgotten whenever I talked to him. Not to mention, Ji Eun found out about our conversations when she went through my phone and squealed in delight and approval of our relationship.

“You know...” I yawned, “I’ve always been a fan of yours.”

He chuckled. “How can I forget? It was pretty clear with the way you reacted when we first met.”

I frowned. “I looked ridiculous didn’t I?”

“No, you were cute.”

“Really?”

“Yup! With your mouth hanging wide open, eyes blinking at 100 kilometers an hour. All the outbursts and stuttering-”

“Ugh. Don’t remind me.” I groaned.

“It was the most attractive thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Stop teasing me!” I whined.

He laughed. “You know, I thought you and Jongin were an item at first.”

“Can we please not talk about it?” I never told him anything that happened between Jongin and I, but I made it clear from the start that I was uncomfortable talking about my ex-bestfriend.

“I’m sorry.”

I yawned. “It’s okay.”

“Okay, that’s it. It’s one already. Go to sleep.”

“You’re not my boss.” I replied, yawning yet again.

“I’m not, but I want you to be up and alive tomorrow. By the way, don’t be late for M!Countdown tomorrow. We’re working with BoA sunbae-nim. I can’t help you there.”

My heart raced as my inner fangirl kicked in. BoA! I get to meet BoA tomorrow!

“Oh my God! I’m so excited. You’ll introduce me to her right?”

He laughed. “I will. Now get some sleep.”

“Alright.” I said, finally accepting defeat from my heavy eyelids. “I’ll see you after school tomorrow.”

“See you.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Yoonae.”

I hung up and smiled. For the 5th night in a row, I went to sleep without a single drop of tear from my eyes.

---

The next day after school, I promptly made my way to the studio for M!Countdown. The actual working process was pretty simple. Nothing too heavy for the performance. And despite it being slightly nerve wracking that I was working with Taemin and not EXO, it wasn’t as bad as I imagined.

Sure, BoA was slightly intimidating but at the same time she was so nice. Not to mention, SHINee’s mean manager from the first time I worked with them, wasn’t here today. This manager was friendlier and even offered me coffee while we waited backstage.

When the performance finished, Taemin rushed backstage with a huge smile on his face. I couldn’t help but grin as well.

“Let’s go out after this.” He said, eyes shining brightly.

“Erm...” I turned to look at his manager who gave us a thumbs up.

“Yay! Thank you hyung!” Taemin cheered. I couldn’t help but be reminded of when Jongin dragged me to the N. Seoul Tower the night that I found out Luhan’s reason for a breakup. Jongin’s excitement, Jongin’s smile.

“Yoonae! I’m ready! Let’s go!” I snapped out of my thoughts and found a changed Taemin in front of me.

He took my by the wrist and dragged me enthusiastically out the door, waving to all the staff members as they passed by. We got to my car through a side door, managing to avoid the waiting fans and began driving off to dinner.

“Where to?” I asked him.

“Hm....I want....Samgyupsal today!” I giggled at his childishness and set off in the direction of a local restaurant.

---

“So, were you switched to our group or something? I was surprised, it was really sudden.” Taemin said before wrapping another piece of meat in lettuce and taking a giant bite.

“I...” I sighed, losing my appetite as the memories returned. I hadn’t talked to anyone but my manager about this before and honestly, I didn’t intend to.

“Yoonae?” He asked with a sudden flash a worry on his face.

“I...Jongin and I got in a really big fight and I quit. My employer insisted that I stayed so she switched me over.”

“You and Jongin?” I nodded. “I see...”

There was a long silence as I waited for him to ask that one fateful question.

“Tell me the truth Yoonae....did you and Jongin date?”

‘Yes.’ I wanted to say, but it was a lie. We were never official. I never told him I loved him. Heck, I never even told him I liked him.

“Almost.” I murmured. “But it’s over now.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Taemin, can we not talk about this anymore-”

“Tell me Yoonae.” He pinned me down with a worried stare and reached over the table to take my hand. “Please?”

“He kissed Krystal.”

Silence. I felt tears coming back as the scene replayed several times in my head.

I pulled my hand away from his grasp and stood up, apologizing. “I need some fresh air.”

He stood too and took my hand again. “I’ll come with you.”

Laying several bills on the table, he led me out of the restaurant. I followed him blindly as he guided me through a few streets before sitting down on a park bench where I cried endlessly on his shoulder.

“Hey you know what Yoonae?” Taemin asked me after I had calmed down.

“W-What?” I sniffed.

“I’m glad you were reassigned to our group.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. I pouted.

“Yah! You can’t just say that and then not explain!”

He shrugged again, obviously enjoying it.

“Taeminnie-oppa~” I whined.

I watched in amusement as his face flushed red at the sound of his name. "Please tell me."

"Never mind. I just wanted get your mind off of him."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Lies."

"Why would I be lying?"

"Oh please Taemin. The whole world knows you have a bad habit of blinking when you're nervous." I winked at him. "I'm a fan of yours remember?"

He chuckled. "How can I forget?"

"Stop changing the subject. Tell me!"

"You sure you want me to tell you?" He asked. I nodded. He signalled for me to lean in a bit which I did. He placed his lips by my ear, making me shiver at the close proximity.

"Because I think I've fallen for you Yoonae." My breathing stopped as I tried to make sense of his words. He was joking...right?

He pulled back a bit, finally giving me the adequate space to breathe and think. My mind was a blur as I stared into his eyes. He looked sincere, but then again, so were Jongin and Luhan. No matter how much the warmth, I couldn't find it in myself to give in like that again. What if he turns on me? What if I hurt him? I really wanted to try. I really did. But I'm scared.

"Give me a chance Yoonae. Please.  I can't promise I'll never hurt you but I can guarantee I'll try my best. Let's just give it a shot okay?"

He took my hand in his. "Yoonae..."

"Let's try."

A huge grin spread across his face instantly as he pulled me into a giant bear hug. Finally, I started to relax again, returning the embrace.

I couldn't deny: I was scared, terrified even. But for some reason, I found the need to take refuge in his arms. In his warmth. Yes, maybe it was his uncanny resemblance with him that made me so hesitant but still, left me feeling so secure in his arms. And maybe I really am using Taemin to get over him. Maybe, I really am starting to like Lee Taemin for who he is. Whatever the reason is, as long as it meant getting over Kim Jongin, I'd do it.