Distant Stares

The next day I woke up first, sweating from being wrapped in Jongin’s arms the whole night. It was still pretty early in the morning but we had to get up soon anyways to prepare for a performance at noon and a tour afterwards.

I looked over at Jongin who was still fast asleep beside me without a care in the world. Slowly, I traced my fingertips over his face, admiring each of his features. He was attractive, not that I would ever admit it.

It’s not like it’s my first time seeing his face up close, (of course not, considering I was his personal makeup artist) but it was the first time I had the time to appreciate his beauty. I felt my heart flutter slightly as I realized he was all mine.

“Thank you for everything Jongin.” I whispered. He shifted slightly beside me. I immediately backed up, thinking that I had woken him up but he only rubbed his nose before returning back to sleep.

“So cute.” I giggled before deciding to get up and get ready. About 5 minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom only to find Jongin still in the same position that I left him in. I went over and shook him gently.

“Jongin-ah, wake up.” He groaned and turned away from me. I climbed on the bed to get a better of hold of him before shaking him again.

“Yah! Wake up you lazy bum! You have a performance in a few hours!”

I shook him one more time before he grabbed my arm and somehow maneuvered me so that I was trapped under him.

“Jongin~” I whined. “Go get ready.”

He shook his head and leaned in to kiss me. Just as I was pushing him off of me, the door opened and we both froze.

“Oh shoot...am I disturbing something?” Kyungsoo was standing at the doorway, staring bewilderedly at the two of us.

“Yes.” “No.”

I glared at Jongin before reaffirming my answer. “No Kyungsoo-oppa, you are not disturbing anything. Jongin was just about to get up and get ready for breakfast. Right Jongin?”

He frowned but got up, sulking as he made his way to the bathroom.

Kyungsoo whistled as he dug through his luggage, looking for something to wear for the day. “You got him whipped.”

I giggled as I got up and went to pack my things for the day.

---

“You might want to close your mouth before flies start going in.”

I immediately snapped my jaw shut and turned to my co-worker who was giggling at me.

“You’ve been staring at Jongin-shii the whole performance.” I blushed and turned back to the stage in front of me. For once, we were allowed to watch the performance by the sidelines instead of in some kind of dressing room.

“You have to admit, he’s good.” My co-worker commented. I nodded in agreement.

“Doesn’t make him any less of a jerk though.” I mumbled. She laughed and mumbled something about the childish relationship between Jongin and I.

I couldn’t help but grin as I watched him perform. It was totally like him to ace all the dance moves and give out an arrogant smirk to the crowd every once in a while during the performance but what amused me the most was that I knew his cool guy persona would die off the second he stepped off stage.

I watched as their Two Moons performance finished and the rest of the team joined Jongin. As some of the members were talking, Jongin looked over at me and smiled. I grinned back and waved slightly at him.

He then lifted his arms slightly to form a heart in my direction. I felt myself blush and looked down. The girls around me squealed.

I had no idea what they were saying in Thai but I did catch some “Kai! I love you!”s in there. I frowned. Maybe I was wrong to think that the heart was meant for me.

Jongin smirked and winked at me (which the fangirls behind me also screamed at) before turning his attention back to the MC.

“You guys should go out. You would be so cute together.” My co-worker said quietly.

I scoffed. “As if.”

“You like him, don’t you?” I widened my eyes at her sudden question.

She smiled. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”

I nodded shyly and looked at the stage. My heart skipped a beat when I found Jongin smiling and joking around with his hyungs.

I couldn’t help but smile along with him.

---

When we got back stage, Sehun immediately ran up to me and hugged me.

“Yoonae~ Did you have fun watching us today?”

“Yeah, it was pretty amazing.” I replied.

“I did well didn’t I?” I laughed at his hyper, childish self and nodded.

“Which song did you like the best?” He asked. Before I was even able to answer him, a hand came flying out and pulled me away from Sehun.

I turned to find a very grumpy and possessive Jongin behind me. Sehun rolled his eyes.

“Chill Jongin, I’m not gonna steal her away from you.”

“You wouldn’t be able to even if you tried.” Jongin gave him a threatening glare before lightening up and turning to me. He pecked me on the cheek gently.

“We’re off to film again. Manager-hyung says to have all the clothes ready.”

I rolled my eyes. “No need to do my job for me idiot. You guys are changing in the van aren’t you? There’s not enough time to change before leaving.”

He frowned at the idea. “I don’t want you to be around us while we’re changing.”

I grinned slyly at his jealousy once again. “Why not? I think Baekhyun and Suho would have really nice bodies.”

“Jongin’s just jealous.” Sehun teased.

“Shut up maknae, go get ready to leave.” Jongin bit back. Said maknae glared at him and turned to leave.

When he did, I turned to Jongin and slapped him on the arm. “Stop being so mean to Sehunnie.”

“Why are you always on his side?” He whined.

“Didn’t you know?” I replied. “I have a thing for cute maknaes.”

Jongin pouted. “I’m cute too.” I giggled and kissed him on the cheek.

“Don’t do that again. It doesn’t suit you.” I whispered. We both left afterwards to board the van. In the van, I was set to work helping them with outfits (which they changed into in the back thankfully) and helped them reset their makeup.

Afterwards, I climbed back into the seat beside Jongin in the back and held his hand under a jacket placed conveniently on his lap. Whenever everyone in the front wasn’t looking, we would exchange small kisses with one another, giggling silently as we did.

Baekhyun, who was sitting on the other side of Jongin only rolled his eyes and plugged in his I-Pod to drown out our lovey-dovey moments.

“You guys are worse than Chanyeol and Ji Eun.” Baekhyun grumbled under his breath after we parked at the filming location and he was finally able to escape.

I stuck my tongue out childishly at him. “You’re just jealous Bacon.”

He rolled his eyes and walked away.

Jongin leaned over to me. “He’s sooo jealous.”

“Like someone I know.” I teased. He pouted. I kissed him briefly on the lips one more time before I started climbing out of the van.

“Let’s go!”

It was small moments like these that made my heart flutter the most. Everything he did and said to me affected me in one way or another. I just couldn’t ignore the feeling anymore. Sure, I was scared of getting hurt and betrayed again but for some reason, I felt safe. I am sure now.

I am sure that my feelings for Jongin isn’t just an infatuation. I’m also sure, I’m not using him to get over Luhan either. I truly am falling for Kim Jongin with all my heart.

Tonight. I told myself. I’ll confess to Jongin tonight.

---

“Kim Jongin! Hurry up~” I yelled through the outside the bathroom door. We had returned from filming not that long ago and separated into our own rooms to shower and get ready for dinner with the M members as well.

“Kim Jongin!” I screamed again. “We’re late already! Everyone else is waiting in the hall!”

The bathroom door swung open and out came Jongin with his hair soaking wet and him looking exceptionally fresh. I sighed and pulled him over towards the bed, instructing him to sit on the floor while I sat on the bed and worked on towel drying his hair.

“You know, you’re pretty hopeless sometimes.” I told him as I also reached forward and wiped a bit of left over eye-liner off his face.

“And you know you love me anyways.” He replied with an arrogant grin. I shook my head disapprovingly.

“When did I ever say that?”

“You didn’t have to. We both know it’s true.” That’s so typical of Jongin to say. I quickly finished up my work and even combed it out for him.

“Let’s go now.” I said as I got up and took his hand. He got up as well and we headed towards the bedroom door. Before we opened it, he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek once. I felt my face redden at the innocent contact and he grinned.

Without a word, we detached our hands and joined all the impatient members in the hall. A few of the K members gave us a knowing look which we tried our best to avoid while Luhan seemed to be sending death glares at us.

I shivered and quickly avoided his gaze as we headed down to our usual dinner spot. Jongin and I sat next to each other with Luhan watching us on the other side of the table. I avoided his presence for almost the entire meal and forced myself to concentrate on Jongin instead. Something was nagging me about the way Luhan was looking at us - at me.

“Yoonae...Yoonae...”

I snapped my head up at the sound of my name. Jongin looked at me worriedly.

“Is something wrong?” He asked me.

“Nothing’s wrong.” I replied. He didn’t seem convinced but let it go anyways.

The next time I felt Luhan staring at me again, I subconsciously shifted closer to Jongin. Without breaking his conversation with Lay, Jongin reached under the table and took my hand in his, squeezing it gently as a form of comfort.

It was almost as if Luhan could see right through us though. When I looked up again, his gaze intensified.

“Jongin...” Jongin immediately looked over at me when I said his name, abruptly ending his previous conversation.

I let out a small smile, trying to reassure him that there was nothing wrong. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to the restroom.”

He nodded and let go of my hand, watching me carefully until I rounded the corner of the hall to where the restrooms were.

The second I got inside, I the water and splashed it all over my face, trying to calm myself down. I’m just imagining things. I told myself. Why would Luhan be glaring at the two of us anyways? I’m just imagining things.

I took a few deep breathes as I tried to erase the images of his menacing gaze. After about 2 more minutes of self talking and calming down, I made myself look presentable again and stepped out of the restroom.

My breath hitched and I froze in my spot when I saw Luhan standing outside of the restroom, leaning casually against the wall.

“Hey love.”

“H-hey.” I stuttered in reply as he started to approach me. I gasped when my back hit the wall and his long arms extended to trap me between them. His gaze bore into mine again.

“Yoonae-ah....” He started. “Can we...get together again?”

“I-I....” I stopped speaking because I couldn’t put together what I was going to say in the first place. After I was realizing I was at a complete loss of words, I stared back into his gaze to find out if he was joking or not.

“I...” I can’t. I wanted to say, but my voice just wouldn’t come out.

Unfortunately, he took my silence the wrong way. Almost violently, he pulled me into a kiss, tongue immediately probing my lips in attempts to get through.

By no means was this the first kiss that we shared but honestly speaking, it was by far the worst. I didn’t find it relaxing or enjoyable at all. It was disgusting. The way he held me, the way his lips forcibly moved against mine.

I started struggling. I began trying to push myself out of his embrace at first but when that didn’t work, I began hitting him as hard as I could on his chest. He flinched but didn’t seem bothered. Instead, he just grabbed my arms and locked them on either side of my head against the wall.

Eventually I stopped struggling and let my arms go, knowing that he wouldn’t let me out if it anytime soon. He hugged me and kissed me again, but I didn’t respond. I only had one thought running through my mind at that time.

Jongin.

My eyes widened as I noticed a familiar figure watching us only a few meters away. When he made eye contact with me, he turned and ran away.

No....Jongin...don’t leave me. It’s not what it seemes...please...

It was then that I did something I never thought I would ever do.

I slapped Luhan.

He let go of me and turned to stare at me with wide eyes.

“Never touch me again.”