Tears and Anger

After breaking away from Luhan, I took off in search of Jongin. All the while, I couldn’t help but ask a million questions in my head.

Why was Luhan acting like that?
Was he serious when he said that we should back together?
Should we get back together?
But what about Jongin?
Why did he have to see us?
Why was he there anyways?

Jongin...where are you now?

One thing was for sure, I wasn’t about to lose him just like this. I need my Jongin. I have to explain this to him...there has to be a way.

I went around searching for what seemed like hours. Sweat rolled down my face as I ran to every location I could think of.

After checking our room, knocking on all the other room doors, checking in the lobby, the pool area, the gym, the bar, and outside, I returned to our dining table dejected.

The others were just about finished their meal when I sat in my seat again. Baekhyun, who was sitting beside me leaned over.

“You okay?”

“Yeah...” I murmured, all energy completely drained from my body.

Today was supposed to end well. Jongin and I were supposed to be happy, not going through another argument.

“Did something happen between you, Luhan and Jongin? You guys were gone for a long time.” I sighed and shook my head, wanting to hide from the curious looks from around the entire table. Things were getting intense, fast.

It wasn’t until we were getting up to leave that Jongin joined us again. I quickly made my way to his side, desperate to explain to him what had happened.

“Jongin.” I hissed, trying to get his attention but failing miserably. He turned to Sehun who gave him a questioning look before starting a conversation with each other.

I sighed and let it go, deciding that I would talk to him at night when he had nowhere else to run. Or so I tried....

When we got back to our room, Kyungsoo sensed our awkwardness and decided to leave us alone for the night to solve things. When Jongin came out of the washroom and realized we were alone, he headed straight to bed without a word and shifted as far over as possible.

I quickly washed up and joined him in the bed.

“Jongin...” I tried calling to him softly to see if he was asleep. I looked over his body to see his fist clenched tightly on the blanket. He had his eyes closed but his breathing was not yet calm.

“Jongin, listen to me, please?” I tried. He didn’t say anything but turned further away.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around him from behind, trying to get a reaction out of him. He didn’t do anything. I snuggled closer to him, burying my face in his back.

“Don’t touch me.”

My breath hitched, my heart felt as if it shattered into a million pieces. Very slowly, I backed up until I was no longer touching his body.

Before I could speak again, his soft breathing filled the room, indicating he was out for the night.

“Everything will be alright tomorrow.” I told myself before going to sleep.

Boy was I wrong.

---

In the morning, I woke up to an empty bed. In fact, it was Kyungsoo re-entering the room that caused me to wake up.

“Where’s Jongin?” He asked me. I sat up and shrugged, pretending to be indifferent about the situation but all the while, my heart was slowly throbbing inside.

I found him having breakfast a while later but when I arrived at the table, he excused himself to pack his stuff for the flight back later on.

Suho, Sehun and Baekhyun gave me a questioning look which I once again shrugged off. The trio didn’t bother me anymore as they chatted amongst themselves and I poked emotionlessly at my tasteless food.

“Good morning guys!”

“Hey Luhan-hyung!” Sehun greeted cheerfully, shifting over so that Luhan could drag a chair over.

Luhan joined them in whatever conversation they were having. I looked over to find the rest of EXO sitting at another table. Why did he have to sit here out of all places?

Baekhyun sent me a concerned look which I ignored once again. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. I quickly stuffed down whatever remainders of food I had left and excused myself to my room.

When I got back, I found Jongin texting on his phone while lounging on his bed.

“Jongin.” I called to him, closing the door behind me. He didn’t look up. Instead, he grabbed his headphones from the bedside table and plugged it into his phone before blocking his ears.

Frustrated and heartbroken, I approached him. I sat down on the bed beside him and placed my head on his shoulder. He didn’t pull away but he didn’t do anything in response. So was I just non-existent to him now?

“You know...it’s not what it looked like.” I started. I flinched when he cranked up the music and even I could hear it blasting from the small earbuds.

“Jongin...please...” I begged, on the verge of tears. I sat up and reached to pull the earphones out of his ears.

He looked up and glared icily at me. “What do you want?”

“P-please, just listen to me...just once.”

He checked the time on his phone. “We have to go soon.”

I placed both my hands on his shoulders, pushing him back down. “No. Listen to me.”

“What is there to listen to?”

“You don’t know what happened!”

He scoffed. “No. I think I know what happened. Now if you’ll excuse me, I don’t want to know about how you and Luhan got back together.”

“But we didn’t!” He got up and turned to me after grabbing his luggage.

“Do what you want. I don’t care anymore.”

With that, he walked out, almost bumping into a very stunned Kyungsoo who was just outside the door. I watched as Kyungsoo cautiously made his way into the room.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly. I nodded, another lying gesture, before packing my stuff subconsciously.

“Yoonae! Watch out!” I snapped out of my trance and dropped whatever I was holding in my hand into my luggage. There was a small clattering sound from underneath me and then I realized, I had put the hotel’s coffee maker into my bag.

“How did...” I mumbled curiously. When did I pick up the coffee maker? Why did I even....I stumbled back a bit in confusion.

“Yoonae!” Kyungsoo called again. Too late. Somehow, I managed to knock over a cup of water behind me. How or when that got on the dresser, I had no idea. Luckily, the glass landed on the carpeted floor and left only water to clean.

I reached down to pick up the glass but stopped when a hand reached out for it instead.

“I got it.” Kyungsoo told me. He put the glass back on the dresser before forcing me to sit on the bed. “Don’t move. I’ll pack the rest.”

Sitting still didn’t help me at all. I had nothing to preoccupy my mind and all I could think about was Jongin walking out on me with that icy glare in his eyes.

After who knows how long of replay the same scene in my head, Kyungsoo approached me and sat on the other bed, facing me. He reached out and took my hand.

“Yoonae, what’s going on between you and Jongin?”

“Nothing.” I insisted but he didn’t look pleased.

“You put a coffee maker in your bag by accident. I don’t think that’s nothing. What’s going on?”

I looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. He sighed.

“Do you want me to bring Baekhyun-hyung in or something?” I immediately snapped my head up.

“No! That’s not it. It’s not that I don’t trust you...it’s just...”

“Yoonae. I’m not blind to what goes on between you and Jongin. I share a room with him remember? I’ve known him long enough to read his thoughts and frankly, you’re not very hard to read either. I may not know all the details, but I know enough so...tell me?”

“Luhan....forced a kiss on me yesterday...in front of Jongin and...Jongin misunderstood it thinking Luhan and I got back together but we didn’t! I don’t even like Luhan anymore...”

“I see.” Kyungsoo said, gazing at me sympathetically as he traced soothing patterns on the back of my hand.

“Yoonae, that’s not something I can help you with. You have to tell him yourself. Even if I told him what you just told me, he’s not going to believe me.” He explained. “Give him some time to cool off and then approach him. I doubt he can stay mad at you forever.”

“But what if...he doesn’t like me anymore?”

He shook his head. “Nonsense. If he had that type of reaction, how could he possibly not like you?”

I sighed. “I guess.”

A knock came out our door. “Kyungsoo! Yoonae! We have to go now!” Suho called. We immediately stood up and grabbed our bags.

Kyungsoo gave me a reassuring pat on the back before we left the room. “Trust me.” He said.

---

When we arrived at the airport, we realized that there was about half an hour before we were scheduled to board the plane. Baekhyun and I were walking around the terminal, looking at the various gift shops and food shops.

As we explored the wonders of Bangkok’s airport, I told Baekhyun everything that happened. He gave me the same advice that Kyungsoo gave me while at the same time, he warned me to stay away from Luhan.

“It’s not even that I don’t trust Luhan-hyung, it’s because Jongin doesn’t want you to be around him right? If Jongin is that important to you, you’d respect his wishes first.”

“I don’t want to lose Jongin.” I told him. He smiled softly at me.

“Trust me, you won’t.” After he said that, he bought me some ice cream to get over my heartbreak.

Just as we finished and was about to head back to the boarding gate, he excused himself to take a washroom break. I waited patiently outside, pre-occupying myself with reading all the signs around me for lack of anything better to do.

My eyes narrowed as I recognized a familiar figure walking towards me.

Run. My gut instincts told me. Too late, he was getting close. Fine let him come, he deserves a good slap across the face again anyways.

“Yoonae...can we talk?”

I brought myself out of my trance and stared at the figure standing in front of me.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” I replied coldly, hoping and praying that Baekhyun would finish whatever business he had in the washroom quickly and save me from this situation.

“About yesterday, I’m really sorry Yoonae.”

I laughed sarcastically at his apology. “Sorry? You think sorry can fix it?!”

I felt my anger boiling in me. It was all his fault. “I bet you knew all along didn’t you? I bet you knew Jongin was going to be there. You set it up!”

“But I didn’t-”

“Don’t lie to me! You knew he was going to be there!”

“Yoonae, I would never-”

“Never what?” I cut in, narrowing my eyes at him. “Never hurt me? Never hurt him?”

“I would never hurt you...or Jongin.”

“Well you did! You ruined everything that Jongin and I had built up. I’m not afraid to say it anymore alright? I LIKE KIM JONGIN! I like him a lot and I want to be with him but YOU, you ruined everything!”

I shifted upright, off the wall, and stood my ground, glaring up at him. “Let me tell you something Luhan, you and I are no longer dating alright? So either you be the friend that Jongin and I still need and want you to be, or get the out of my life.”

“Yoonae?” Baekhyun called from behind me, but I didn’t look back.

“Luhan...thank you for everything. Honestly, I really loved you before but...you let me go. This time, it’s my turn to let you go.”

I felt tears whelming up in my eyes as I walked away, leaving a stunned Luhan staring into thin air.

After a few steps, I felt a hand grab my wrist. I turned around, prepared to whip my arm out of his reach when I realized it was only Baekhyun.

He reached over and wiped a few fallen tears off my cheeks.

“It’s alright. Everything is going to be alright.”

I fell into his arms and sobbed, ignoring all the onlookers around us.

He kissed my forehead. “Shh....I’m here for you.”

I didn’t even know what to believe anymore.