soohyun never wanted much in life. he didn't need fancy cars or expensive things or international fame; he just wanted to sing. he knew he was so lucky to even get past the audition, and was ready to accept his fate if they ended up rejecting him. but to his surprise, they took him in and put him in a group full of other fresh-faced boys with similar dreams. soohyun wasn't religious, but after his first meeting with the others, he went home and thanked god for everything he was given.

his life from then on seemed more like a fairy tale story than anything real. no one man could be so lucky, he thought as he performed showcases for hundreds of fans, as they reached one year and then two years, as they won that award in china, and each and every time they had a fanmeeting. there were times he'd hide under his blankets, like he was five years old again, and wonder to himself when it would end, since nothing this good could last.

he'd like to say he was surprised when everything fell through, but he wasn't. a little angry maybe, and upset—at the company or the boys, he's still not sure—but mostly resigned. he tried his hardest to keep everything together as much as he could, to protect them, especially the younger ones, but his abilities only stretched so far. there were times when he couldn't sleep—when he'd see dongho's twitter follower count dropping by the thousands, when he'd see angry messages on kiseop's cyworld, when he'd see the things that were said about their company and about them—and those were the times he'd already be mentally packing his bags. his patience was waning more and more each day and he was so, so lost. u-kiss was all he had.

but then the company gave them aj and hoon, and it should've made it hurt more, should've felt like a slap in the face, but it didn't. soohyun was relieved to have them around, even as just a distraction. he trained with them night and day, he taught them about the other members' quirks and habits, he hugged them and told them, "you're part of the family now". he welcomed them with open arms because that's all he could do, and it wasn't their fault, and he's not a child anymore. 

after about a week of training with the new boys, the company sat him down and that fear from before came back with new vigor. yet when he came back to the other boys in a daze, it wasn't because they were taking him out too, but because he was to be the leader. he saw the other boys smiling and hugging him but couldn't feel it, too lost and confused. why him? he's not suited for this, he's not strong enough, he's not a good enough hyung. he could barely hold them together a couple weeks ago, what makes them think he can hold them together for the indefinite future?

everything was suddenly poured in his hands and all at once, soohyun reconsidered all of his life choices up until this point. before he ever got the chance to give up, to actually pack his bags instead of just imagining it, the other boys accosted him with snacks and party hats. an impromptu party, they said, because you're our new leader now. soohyun blinked at them and slowly smiled. 'leader' still sounded foreign and unfitting in his head; but 'our'? yeah, that has a nice ring to it.