Day 4:

  I’m really worried about Youngjae. He didn’t even tell me what was wrong with him yesterday and it’s bothering me so much! I just want to hit him right now for not being open to me! He’s always been until now! I wonder what happened to him…

  But then, I even showed him what I looked like under the mask yesterday. I hope he doesn’t think differently of me. I mean, I’ll be the same person, but I won’t have the mask. And maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to speak to him one day.

  I look out through my bedroom window. Maybe I’ll go out and spend some time with him this time. Maybe he’ll feel better that way.

  I get ready and head downstairs where I find my aunt eating breakfast. I can tell she was getting ready to go to work since she was in her office clothes.

  She smiles at me and says, “Good morning, Daehyun.”

  I bow. Good morning.

  “Are you going somewhere?”

  I nod. In fact, I’m going to visit my neighbor. I didn’t say it since I know she trusts me so I don’t need to say where I’m going.

  “Okay, just be safe.”

  I nod again.

  “How about you eat breakfast with me? I prepared extra for you.”

  I stare at the food which were eggs, ham, and a toast of bread; the typical breakfast food. I sit in front of her and start eating in silence. I wonder if she notices that I don’t have my mask on. And I even said I would be going out today.

  “You’re not going to wear your mask?”

  I look up at her and shook my head. No. Not today.

  She just stares at me, probably trying to see through me. This was the first time I have taken off my mask in years, so it really is strange to see me opening up like this. But then she smiles to herself.

  What is it?

  “Nothing. I’m just glad that you’re starting to open up. I’ve also noticed that you’ve been out of the house lately. What happened to you?”

  I blush and take a bite of my toast. I didn’t want to tell her that it was Youngjae who practically changed me, but I also didn’t want her to be wondering about it all her life. I grin. “I’ll tell you one day.”

  Her eyes widened.

  Even I was shocked to hear my own voice outside of my mind. It was strange to feel my throat vibrate and my tongue move as words escape my mouth. I grin even wider and repeat, “I’ll tell you… one day.” With that, I stand up and kiss my aunt on the forehead. It’s time for me to visit Youngjae.

  I head outside and got up to Youngjae’s doorway. I’m kind of nervous to ring the doorbell. What if someone else opens the door? What if he’s not home? What if he doesn’t want to see me? All those questions were running in my mind and I’m thinking of just going back home.

  No, I’m going to face this and ask him if he wants to come with me to the café or park or any other place. I ring the doorbell and wait patiently for someone to answer.

  Nobody came.

  Huh, maybe no one heard me. I ring the doorbell again and wait once more. After a couple of minutes I realize they’re probably not home and walk away. I stop at their driveway and look up at the window, seeing a figure quickly retreating.

  Wait! I wanted to say it, but when my mouth opens, nothing came out. Why? Why was I able to say something to my aunt, but not to Youngjae? I try once more, but it was too late, Youngjae or whoever that was, was probably gone now.

  I drop my head and start walking towards town. Since I’m out, I guess I should do something. Maybe I can buy some snacks or something.

  As I’m walking, I notice people from my school staring at me as I pass by. Sometimes they even whisper to each other. I know they’re surprised to see me not wearing my mask, but this is the new me. This is the me that I’ll be showing from now on. I even see some girls flattering over me. Ha! If they only care about looks, I’m not interested. Plus it seems that my heart is beating for someone else.

  I spot the grocery store and buy some chips. Then afterwards I head to the café to get some refreshments.

  “Oh! Daehyun! Whoa! I didn’t even recognize you at first!” Himchan exclaims while staring at me deeply. “Wow, who knew this was what you looked like under that mask. It’s like in dramas or like Beauty and the Beast.”

  I glare at him.

  “Oh, I’m not saying you were ugly before, but that you’re like a whole new person! Is it because of that boy you’ve been with lately?”

  I didn’t answer him.

  “It is isn’t it? Aw, how sweet! But where is he now?” He looks around as if Youngjae would magically appear like he always do.

  I shake my head and start towards a table.

  “Ah! Wait! Are you getting your usual?”

  I shake my head and take the menu from his hands. I sit in an empty table by the window, skimming the menu. I’m going to try something new since this is a new me. Maybe something simple like hot chocolate or a cup of coffee. I just want something to drink anyways.

  Himchan comes back after a while and I point to the hot chocolate I wanted. Then I sit and wait once again. I look out through the glass window and see so many people passing by either by their self or with someone. Most of the time I see couples, holding each other’s hand or arm and laughing and cuddling together.

  I sigh and find myself watching the couples. I don’t know why, but I’m jealous that they can find someone all to their self, but then most couples end up breaking up anyways. They’ll just get hurt again. I don’t want to experience that kind of love again. I don’t want to lose someone precious to me like my parents. And I surely don’t want to lose Youngjae. I just wish he’s okay.

  “Here’s your hot chocolate!” Himchan places it in front of me. “Enjoy.” He bows and walks away.

  I take a sip of the hot chocolate and start thinking to myself. I want to do something special for him. After all, I want to cheer him up. I don’t want to see him sad just like yesterday. It just didn’t feel right.

  I finish drinking my hot chocolate and by that time, I know what I was going to do when I see Youngjae today. I’m going to see him no matter what because if not, I’ll go crazy! It seems that I can’t even spend a few hours without him!

  It’s now two o’clock and I still didn’t see Youngjae. I was hoping to see him through the window and start knocking on it to grab his attention, but I never saw him. I start walking around the town while my mind drifts. I wonder if that was him by the window. Is he trying to avoid me?

  “Hey, Daehyun.”

  I turn to who it was since I know it wasn’t Youngjae’s voice.

  It was a girl I have never met before.

  I tilt my head. What does she want?

  “I was wondering if you want to walk with me.”

  What? This doesn’t make sense. I have never seen her before… Oh wait, she was in my class, but I never interacted with her at least once. Why does she want to walk with me all of a sudden? I look behind her and find a couple of girls watching us, laughing.

  The girl was cute, but I wasn’t interested in her. Could it be, she has a crush on me? It’s reasonable just like in the dramas my aunt always watches. I didn’t want to turn her down, but I wanted to be honest.

  I shake my head and mouth, “Sorry.”

  Her head drops as she bites her lips. “O-Okay. I guess it’s because you like someone else, right?”

  I widen my eyes. I haven’t thought of it like that. I mean, I guess it’s reasonable, right? Or maybe because I’m delusional. Maybe I’m thinking I like him, but in reality we’re just close friends. No, I’m not going to conceal myself again. I’m too tired for that.

  I nod my head.

  She has this sad look in her eyes, but I can’t do anything if I don’t have feelings for her. It wouldn’t be fair.

  “I’m sorry,” this time I speak the words.

  Her eyes widens as a spark shows in those same eyes. “You spoke.”

  I smile to her and pat her head before leaving her to stun to move. I look back at the girls and bow my head, hearing them squeal over me. I really don’t know what people think of my voice, but it sounds pretty deep.

  This time I walk to park at the fountain, hoping I would see Youngjae there since he’s always going there. Plus, he even told me that was his favorite place to go. I sit on the same bench and close my eyes. I’m not going to freeze to death because I’m not going to fall asleep. I’m just going to rest my eyes and I’m wearing comfortable clothes.

  “Daehyun.”

  This time I know for sure who it was. My eyes shot open and I stand up facing Youngjae who was a couple of feet away from me.

  His eyes were sad as his body was slouching over. I’m thinking he’s still worried about what happened yesterday. I want to know, but I’m not going to ask him. It seems he really doesn’t want to talk about it.

  I give him a heartwarming smile and walk up to him.

  He steps back and looks straight into my eyes, intimidating me. “Daehyun! I-”

  I place a finger to my lips, causing him to stop. I smile once more and open my mouth. This time I’ll be able to do what I want to do, but again, nothing comes out. Maybe I have to clear my throat. I do so and open my mouth once again. What is wrong with me? I take a deep breath and this time, my voice was cooperating with me.

  It’s been years since I last sung, but I did my best. I was singing from my heart. I didn’t care if it sounded terrible or not, but I want to sing for Youngjae just like what he did for me. I want him to feel the same way I did when he sung straight from his own heart. I want that same talent.

  I close my eyes the whole time I sing because if I meet his gaze, I would start getting nervous and mess up. Plus I want to see his reaction afterwards.

  When I was done, I open my eyes and find people staring at me. I didn’t want to look at Youngjae just yet because I was afraid of his reaction, but everyone around me was intrigued.

  I finally turn to Youngjae and find tears rolling down his cheek slowly. His eyes were wide as his lips press together, trembling. When our eyes meet for a longer time, he squints as the tears were flowing like a river.

  I want to catch those tears, but he wipes them away on his own. He sniffles but says no words.

  Was it a mistake singing in front of him? I mean, I made him cry more, not smile. “I-”

  Suddenly, I see that familiar smile and my whole world soar. “Y-You did well for someone who hasn’t spoken for years,” he says as he continues wiping his tears.

  “Then… Why are you… Crying?” I say slowly as I try to find my voice. I have never spoken this much in so long.

  “I’m just happy.” He hiccups. “Anyways, where did you hear that song?”

  “I made it up.” I pause as I start to feel tired of talking. I actually started it a long time ago, but I never sung it until now. I don’t know how it turned out though. I laugh nervously.

  He gives me a thumbs up and says, “Well, it was perfect! You should start writing songs more and maybe we’ll work together one day!”

  I nod. “That sounds fun.” I’m glad he’s back to normal.

  For a quick second Youngjae’s eyes turn sad, and then, “Are there any more surprises?” He chuckles.

  I shake my head. Man, my voice really does feel tired right now. I don’t think I’ll speak anymore today.

  “Anyway, what do you want to do today?”

  I just want to sit down and relax today. I’m tired.

  Youngjae stares at me before agreeing. “Sure. I need to relax a bit today, too. It’s been hectic lately.”

  I nod and sit back down on the bench.

  Youngjae sits next to me and leans his head on my shoulder.

  I stiffen as I feel his weight. This isn’t as bad as the hug, but I still feel a bit awkward to be so close to him. But after a while, I get comfortable and wrap an arm around his shoulder. I rest my head on top of his and take in his scent. He smells of oranges and it was warming as I think about spring.

 “I don’t want to go home,” he whispers and cuddles into my neck.

  His breath tickles me.

  I hold him tighter and whisper. “You can stay here all you want.” Those were the last words I say as we just sit there, comforting each other in our own little world.

  I want to stay like this forever.

  Suddenly, I hear, “Youngjae!”

  He shoots up and his eyes widen in fear.

  “Dad!”

  His dad was red with rage as his eye dart from Youngjae to me. “We’re going home,” he demands through gritted teeth.

  Youngjae stands and was ready to leave, but I grab his arm. I look deep into his eyes with concern. He didn’t want to go, right? So he should just stay with me.

  Since eyes show your true meaning, he knows what I’m trying to say. He shakes his head and slips his arm out of my grasp. With a weak smile, he walks up to his dad and they start going in silence.

  Youngjae takes one last glance at me and mouths, “Don’t worry.”

  Don’t worry? How the hell am I not to worry? Of course I’m going to worry! In a situation like this, who’s not going to worry? Youngjae… What’s going on with you?