http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XyCoWJHfKk&feature=channel_video_title

~First Kiss:  Listening to my Heart

~*~Changmin’s P.O.V.~*~

I looked at myself in the mirror and fixed myself. I knew I need to look good on this day. Because today is the day I’ve decided that I would tell Ri Ah my feelings. Today is the day that I’d steal a kiss from her and tell her that I love her. There’s no turning back now.

Many times I’ve tried to tell her, but I ended up hiding it. It’s because of our friendship. Ri Ah and I are best friends. I was afraid that if I’d tell her, she wouldn’t feel the same and she’d stay away from me. Our tight friendship was something I’ve been holding on to, all my life. Our friendship is something I truly treasure and I don’t want to loose it. But then, if I keep on hiding it, I might lose her. I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. I want to be more that that. Yunho-hyung once told me… in life, there are risks. You have to be brave to face them in order to have no regrets. And I just realized that he’s right. If I don’t tell Ri Ah, I might regret it in the future. It was better if I’d tell her. So, that she would know. Even if she doesn’t feel the same, at least I gave it a shot and at least she knows.

”Changmin-ah, Ri Ah is waiting for you outside!” Umma called out. I took one last glance at the mirror. I fixed my collar and gave myself thumbs up. ‘You can do it, Changmin! Hwaitng!”

I went downstairs to meet Ri Ah. I bade my parents goodbye and left our house. I walked with Ri Ah to school, like I always do. I placed my hands in my pockets and let out a heavy sigh. My heart throbbed hard against my chest as I stole a glance from her. She was very beautiful. My hands clenched into fists as motivated myself to talk and burst out the three simple words I’ve been dying to tell her. But my mouth went dry. I tried to talk, but no words came out.

”Oppa, are you alright?” She asked me with a cute innocent tone, my heart beat faster.

’I love you… come on say it you Pabo!’  I thought to myself.

”Dae…  gwenchanayo…” I muttered under my breath.

”You don’t look so well, oppa…” She said worriedly. “Are you sure?”

“Dae…” I assured her with a smile. “Ummm… ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Ri Ah, I have something to tell you…”

”Really what is it, oppa?” She asked, curiously, while staring at me with big round innocent eyes. She looks so cute. I want to pinch her cheeks.

“I… I …” I stammered.

“You, what, oppa? Please hurry up. We’re going to be late for school.”

”I really love… love… I really love the cupcakes that you sent me yesterday. Keke… can you make more for me sometime?” I said. I don’t know what was happening. For some reason, the things that I wanted to say don’t turn out right.

”Aigoo~ Oppa… You really don’t have anything in your mind besides food.” She giggled as she pinched my cheeks. “Don’t worry. I’ll make some for you again. Anything for my best friend….”

My heart sank a little. Was I really just a best friend to her? Am I not more than that?

Before I knew it, we were already in school and I didn’t get to tell her what I feel. I tried to calm myself down. After all, I’ve still got a lot of time left. We headed to the classroom. I sat on my place, beside Yunho-hyung. As I was able to sit down, Yunho-hyung quickly leaned forward to talk to me.

”So, Min-ah, did you tell her?” He asked earning a sigh from me.

”No, hyung… I didn’t. I was afraid. I don’t know what to do… please help me…” I begged desperately. “How did you do it, Hyung? Was it that hard when you told Ara about your feelings?”

”Of course it was… It’s always like that, Min. Confessing is one of the hardest things I’ve done. But you can do it… I know you can…” He said as he gave me a pat on the back. “It’s natural to feel that way around her. Just listen to your heart and tell her what it is saying. If you do that, nothing would go wrong…”

”But how... Hyung? Every time I try, I end up saying different things! I… I can’t do it…” I said as I hung my head low.

”You can do it. You’re my dongsaeng. You’re smart, talented, kind and handsome. Do you know that I feel so insecure around you?” He told me. “Besides, If Yunho-hyung can do it… Then so can Changmin-ah, right?”

”But hyung, you’ve got great confidence in yourself. You were able to do it so easily. But I can’t. Hyung, you’ve got to help me. Tell me how to say it. Please…” I begged helplessly.

“Changmin… I can’t tell you what you’re supposed to do. There’s no particular procedure in confessing. You have to figure it on your own. You’ll only be able to tell her if you’ll listen to your heart. For now, that’s just what I can advise you. You’ll know what to do once you’ll listen. When you understand, you’ll feel better and your confession would be worthwhile.” He said. “Just trust me. It’s what I did when I confess.”

I tried to process what hyung was saying. I couldn’t understand it. How do you do that anyway? How do you listen to your heart?

”Oh and by the way, if you won’t tell her soon… See, Kyuhyun over there?” He added as he pointed to Kyuhyun giving Ri Ah a bouquet of roses. I started to feel angry and I don’t know why. I just stared at them and clenched my fists. I feel like I wanted to explode. For some reason, I felt like crushing Kyuhyun. I couldn’t understand. Kyuhyun’s my friend. Why am I feeling as if he’s my worst enemy ever? “If you won’t make a move soon, he might get Ri Ah from you.”

It was already recess. Here’s my chance. I’m going to tell her. I’m going to listen to my heart. Just like what Yunho-hyung told me. I can do this. I’m Shim Changmin. I have nothing to be afraid of. Like what hyung told me, I’m smart, talented kind and handsome. I can do this… I can do this…

“Ri Ah!” I called as I was about to walk towards her, but all of a sudden, Kyuhyun showed up and said something to her.

”Oppa, I can’t go with you today. I have something to do with Kyuhyun…” She told me.

”Oh… I guess… That’s alright….” I said simply as I hide my jealousy. Could it be that she’s dating him already? Was I too late? ”I’ll see you later then?”

Once again, I wasn’t able to tell her. Damn it… And it’s all because of Kyuhyun!

The bell finally rang. It was already dismissal time and I haven’t told Ri Ah what I feel. This is my last chance. I'm not doing it tomorrow or the day after that. I’m doing it now. So here it goes.

I placed my hands inside my pockets and sighed as I tried to calm myself down.

”Ri ah…” I called her name in a soft tone that only the two of us can hear.

”Yes, oppa?” She asked in an amusingly innocent tone.

”I…” I began as I walked along her side. “Look Ri Ah… I…”

”You what, oppa?” She asked again as she looked into my eyes.

“Ri Ah…” I sighed as I held her hands. I looked at her and saw an evident blush along her cheeks. ‘Damn she can’t stop being so cute…’

”Ri Ah… I don’t think I could be friends with you anymore…” I told her.

“What? O-oppa. Waeyo?” She cut me off as she stared into my eyes and search for answers. She quickly panicked as her eyes started to get watery.

’Now, what have you done?!’  I immediately scolded myself as I saw her expression.

”Oppa, did I do something wrong?” She asked.

”No Ri Ah, Let me finish…” I said as I placed my hands on her shoulders making her focus only at me. “I realized, I no longer want to be friends with you anymore. It’s because… I want to be more than that…”

”Changmin-oppa…”

”I’ve been in love with you ever since we were kids, even before I knew what love really means. I love you, Ri Ah, and I’ve been trying to tell you, but I was afraid. Whenever I tried to tell you, I’d stutter or lose my breath. My heart beats so fast whenever I see you. It was so hard to keep it to myself, but I did it because I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want you to be awkward around me. I held on to our friendship for so long. I held on to it tightly, not wanting to lose it. But I realized, the tighter I hold on to you, the more I just lose you. I can’t keep it to myself anymore, Ri Ah. It drives me crazy. I would understand if you don’t feel the same with me, but I want you to know that I love you so much. I know I’ve got competition, because, there’s Kyhyun and I would understand if you’d chose him over me, but no matter what decision you’ll make, I’ll respect it and I’ll always be here for you.”

”Oppa…” She motioned forward to hug me. My heart throbbed hard against my chest as I felt her warmth. “Kyuhyun-ah is just a friend. I turned him down because… I feel the same way about you. I love you Changmin-oppa. I love you so much…” I felt like jumping out of joy, but I just hugged her tight, feeling happy that she’s mine.

”Mianhe, I don’t have flowers or gifts and this place where I confessed to you isn’t that romantic.” I said as I pulled away to look at her beautiful eyes. “But I do have my heart and you can have it…  It’s all yours… only yours…

She gave me a breath-taking smile. I didn’t waste my time any longer and leaned forward to press my lips on to hers. I pulled away and hugged her tight.

”Saranghe, Ri ah…” I told her, feeling happy that she’s mine.

”Saranghe, Changmin-oppa.” She said in her sweet tone.

I was happy. I finally got to tell her how I feel. It took a long time to tell her, but I finally got it right… At long last, Ri Ah and I aren’t friends anymore… Because we’re more than that… I won’t waste anything, of course. I’ll love her and treasure her. She’s now mine and I’m all hers and from now on it will stay that way. I’ll never let her go…

AN. So, how was it? I hope you like it! It’s my very first one-shot. Thank you for reading it and there’s 29 more to come! I hope you’ll keep reading and counting with me.

See you soon, on my next update. Second Kiss, that is… ;)
With love,
~Kei-chan X3