“Ha…ha…ha,” I squeaked out.  If only he knew the ideas those trashy stories put into my head.  I could blush just thinking about it.

                “Chill, it’s just a kiss between friends,” he reminded me offhandedly.  Says him, I thought miserably.

                He placed one hand on my cheek and as he lowered his head off his other hand, he let it drop to behind my head.  I felt his fingers brush against my head to dig into my hair.  Mouth hovering a centimeter above mine, he stopped.  I nearly growled.

                “Your parents are still at work right?  I mean, I think they like me right now and I don’t want your dad to think I’ve invested all these years into our friendship just so that I could make out with you,” he worried.

                Please, don’t talk anymore.  “Still working,” I assured him.

                With a boyish smile, he resumed leaning toward me until finally he pressed his lips to mine.  For a second longer, I was an ice sculpture and my brain short circuited.  I envisioned flipping him onto his back and climbing on top of him.  Proceeding with page 45 in my latest trashy romance novel.

                Thankfully, my G rated hormones took over and my entire body melted against him.  My arms s lightly around his torso.  My hands settled onto his shoulder blades.

                I saw stars shooting inside my eyelids.  My heart pounded in my ears.  My stomach twisted around itself into a neat bow.

                When he finally slowly pulled away, that evil hormone driven crazy girl from before who I’d managed to keep contained this whole time, took over and I gently caught his lower lip between my teeth for a split second.  He exhaled a laugh.

                I blinked as fast as I could to get rid of the fog in my head and clear my vision.  “If that’s what kissing always feels like, no wonder you like to do it all the time,” I breathed.

                He smiled lazily at me.  “Actually, it’s never felt like that before,” he murmured.

                Whoa.  What.  “What?”  What did he just say?  No.  I heard him.  I wished I could move so I could throw myself out my window.

                “I didn’t say anything,” he lied after a moment.  His cheeks were pink.

                “You’re blushing,” I whispered, touching a finger to his cheek.  My voice sounded funny to my ears.  Woo Ji Ho doesn’t blush.

                He slid back a little, giving me some room to breathe.  “I’ve, uh, never gotten, like, flustered when kissing before,” he admitted bashfully.

                Unwilling to admit that meant anything at all, I just smiled and shook my head.  “You are just weirded out that you kissed me of all people.”

                His expression became unreadable for a flash second and then he sat up away from me, helping me up.  “Don’t change a thing.  Kyung will want to kiss you all the time once you let him.”

                Kyung who?  Oh, right!  “Thanks…”  Suddenly, all the feelings I’d ignored and pushed down since the second he’d kissed me came bubbling up.  My plan wasn’t working.  Kyung was wrong.  Ji Ho didn’t care.  He didn’t feel the same way about me.  What was I thinking letting him kiss me?

                All this did was prove just how much I love him.  It hurts to know he doesn’t.

                It’s never felt like that before…his words replayed in my head.  He must be embarrassed.  Kissing didn’t provoke any of the same feelings inside him.

                I gagged on the sob I was so desperately trying to hold in.

                “Dani…?”  He sat on his legs and leaned to touch me. 

                When the tears began to fall, I pushed back away from his hands and then jumped up, catapulting over my bed. 

                I couldn’t run from my room, so I hid in the only place I could think of.

                My closet.

                As soon as I shut myself inside, I hit the floor and hugged my knees.  I’m so foolish.

                Frantic soft knocking made me clamp my hands over my mouth to keep from crying out loud.  “Dani, what’s wrong?  Come out here, hurry up.”  He sounded scared.

                I shook my head even though I knew he couldn’t see me.  I needed to think of an excuse.  I couldn’t tell him.  I couldn’t let him know.  I had to fix this.  What possible reason could I have for bursting into tears after he kissed me?  Besides that I’m a total nutcase.

                “Ji Ho,” I whimpered.   “I’m s-sorry.”

                “Sorry for what?  Sorry why?  Come out!” he begged in a harsh whisper.

                Why would I just burst into tears like that?!  What a stupid girl.  Oh, that’s it!  I stood up, clutching my middle, and opened the door a crack.  “Ji Ho,” I repeated, peeking only one eye through the opening.

                “Please, come out, Dani.  Tell me what’s wrong.”  His face had paled.

                “I’m sorry,” I said again.  “It’s so embarrassing.”

                “What is?  Why are you crying?  Come out.”  He was right in front of the opening of the door.  He put his hand between the door and the frame, trying to force it open.  I backed up.  He busted through and stood in the doorway of my closet. 

                “Sorry, I’m so emotional.  It’s just, well, you know…”

                “No, I don’t!” he insisted, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears on my cheeks.

                “Once a month, girls sometimes…”  I pointed just below my stomach.

                “Once a month?  You…”  Realization washed over his face.  “Oh,” he sounded.  “So, right now, you’re…”  He pointed to his own body just below his stomach.

                “Yes,” I lied.  I’d rather he think I was having my period than know what a kind of pathetic person I really was.

                “Oh,” he looked a little sick now.  “Um, well, come out here.”  I let him lead me by the hand out of the closet.  “Lie down.”  I moved slowly over to the bed, suddenly quite exhausted.  “I don’t remember you getting like this any months before.  Is this new?”

                “No, you know, every month is different…” I mentioned believably, I hoped.

                He sighed.  “You know I hate when you cry.”

                I sniffled and curled up on my bed.  “Sorry, I’ll tell my estrogen to behave better next month.”  He laughed uncomfortably.

                “Crap, it’s late.  Let me go downstairs and say goodbye to your parents,” he said, hurrying over to the window and throwing it open wide.  “I’ll leave and come back, ok?  Oh, um, unless you want to be alone?  Do girls need alone time if this sort of thing happens?”

               He stood in front of the bed, looking down at my pitiful self with concern in his big, brown eyes.  “No, I want you to come back,” I admitted reluctantly.  My eyes burned.  I felt like crying all over again, but he bought my lie so I technically could cry and he’d just think I was being a hormonally challenged mess.

                “Ok, um…”  He fidgeted awkwardly.  “Can I get you something?  What helps?  The girls in movies stuff their faces with ice cream and chocolate.  Do you want that?”

                “Thanks, but I’m not hungry.”

                “Are you in pain?  I can get you…um, whatever it is for cramps or whatever it is you’re feeling.”  How can he be so sweet to me?  I hugged a pillow close to hide the tears that began to fall again.  He groaned frustrated.  “No, please don’t cry.  I’ll get you whatever you want.  Just stop crying!” he pleaded.  I sniffled.  “Ah, I’m sorry.  I’m not mad.  I…just tell me what you want me to do.”

                “Just come back,” I answered honestly, for once, since this started.

                “Ok.”  He placed the remote next to my arm.  “Find a movie.  We’ll watch it together.  Even a chick flick!  Maybe a funny one though.  I really can’t handle you crying.”

                “I’m sorry!” I snapped.

                “No, no, no!”  He was beginning to look panicked.  “I-I didn’t mean that!  I just, well you know…”  He shrugged and his shoulders slumped forward.  “It really upsets me to see you upset.”

                That wasn’t helping.  “I’m ok.  Really.”  Actually, I was so far from ok, I couldn’t even see the border of ‘ok land’ anymore.  “Just come back.”

                “Alright.  I’ll tell your parents you’re tired and going to bed and that I’m going home.”  He headed for the door.  “I’ll be right back.”

                As soon as my door clicked shut, I flicked through the TV channels searching for any movie whatsoever.  An old, black and white American movie came on.  I pushed the remote away from me and cried into my pillow until I heard him scaling the wall up to my window.

                I forced myself to stifle my crying.  He shut the window, turned off the lights, and laid down next to me.  I concentrated on breathing as I lay my head on his chest.