“You and Kyung, hm?” Ji Ho said one weekend, at night, as we sat together on my bedroom floor, doing homework.  Ji Ho had a test coming up.  If I didn’t watch his every move, he wouldn’t study.  He is easily distracted.

                I looked up from my notebook.

                “What are you talking about?” I asked, looking back down at my work.  I couldn’t lie to his face. 

                “Dani, you disappoint me.  You and Kyung have become joined at the hip!  In school, every day for, like, two weeks, you guys have been together.  When we all go out together, he has your full attention.  You guys have gone out together a few times, too, you said.  It’s cool.  You like him?”

                I froze.  This was what I wanted, right?  Of course, I answered myself.  This was what Kyung was talking about.  This is what we were striving for.  This is why Kyung met me at my locker all the time.  Sat next to me at lunch.  Casually touched my hand or my arm at random times when he knew Ji Ho was watching.  Making me laugh when he knew Ji Ho could hear.

                “Sure.  He’s sweet,” I answered.  Not a lie.  Kyung is a sweet guy.  “I like him.”  Also, true.  He’s a good friend.

                I wish a blue light or something would appear over Ji Ho’s head if he was getting jealous because, while I can normally see through him no problem, this particular time, I couldn’t get a clear read on him.

                Ji Ho pushed his books out of the way and sat forward.  “Yeah?  Do I sense boyfriend material?”

                I cleared my throat.  He’s not you so no.  I talked to Kyung about this.  The boy is practically training me on the art of being a flirty girl and on how to drive a guy crazy with jealousy.  He would know, wouldn’t he?  Next to Ji Ho, I’d say Kyung comes in next for collector of girls. 

                I was going to fail miserably.

                “Maybe,” I said, acting uninterested as I scribbled illegibly in my notebook.  I’d have to go through this assignment again later.

                “Have you kissed him yet?!” he demanded excitedly.  He shoved my books right out from underneath my arms and grabbed my pencil, throwing it behind him.  He was sitting right in front of me now.

                I knew my nervous tell was that I chewed the inside of my cheek.  I froze, not moving a single muscle in my face.  If I were a normal person and not hopelessly in love with this spiky haired teenager in front of me, who smelled like wintergreen gum and soap, what would I say here?

                I scoffed.  “Have you kissed Natalie yet?”

                He scoffed back.  “All the time, you know that,” he laughed.  “Now, focus.  Don’t you want to kiss him?”  He grabbed me by the arms.  I was distraught at how excited he was about the idea of me and Kyung together.

                My face fell and before I could stop myself, I asked, “Why are you pushing me to be with Kyung so much?”  I blinked slowly.  Slip up.  I would bang my head against the wall right now if I thought it’d do any good.

                He frowned and his hands melted away from me.  “I just want you with someone nice.  I’ve known Kyung for practically forever.  He’s a good guy.”  He shrugged.  “Plus I know where he lives so if he messes with you, I’ll know where to hunt him down.”

                I smiled, but I had to look away.  “Yeah, he’s pretty awesome.”

                “What’s wrong, Dani?”

                “Nothing, I…”  Must. Fix. This.  Kyung told me I needed to work on this if I wanted Ji Ho!  And I really wanted Ji Ho!  What could I say to…  “I’m nervous!” I almost shouted.  Ji Ho laughed nervously and sat back a little, looking interested.  “I-I’m nervous.  Yeah, that’s it.  Nervous.  I really, um, I really like Kyung.  I don’t want to kiss him and have him find me repulsive or something!”

                Oh, Jordan.  You are a clever, clever girl.  I pouted just a little to show extra sincerity.  Ji Ho’s eyes widened and he clapped his hands together and then pointed at me.

                “Ah, Dani, you’re so cute.  You don’t have to worry!  Kyung really likes you, I bet.  I always see him with you.”  No offense, Woo Ji Ho, but you my friend are not one to be trying to make observations since you’re really bad at them.  “He’s a guy, so he’s probably dying to kiss you.  But it’s ok!  I can help you!”  He slid closer to me so we were sitting, cross legged, inches from each other.  He pointed to his mouth.  “Here.  Kiss me.”

                “I’m sorry?”  Oh, Jordan.  You are a stupid, stupid girl.

                He laughed.  “We should have done this years ago.  That’s the beauty of having a best friend who’s the opposite gender, right?  I should have thought of this back when I was twelve and kissed Park Jae Hyun.  Maybe I wouldn’t have her chin and she wouldn’t have stopped talking to me.”

                In spite of everything, I had to laugh.  I remembered him telling me about his disastrous first kiss with that girl.  I also remember thinking how badly I wished he would have kissed me.  I wouldn’t have stopped talking to him if he my chin.

                “What, Natalie not enough for you?” I choked out, trying to sound sarcastic.  When really, my chest was tightening and I was feeling light headed.

                He laughed and waved a hand in front of his face.  “Come on, I want you and Kyung together if you guys really like each other.  I’m your best friend!  I’m supposed to help you.”

                “No, Ji Ho, I really don’t think this is a good idea…whoa!”  In the middle of my pathetic speech, he reached out and yanked me into his lap. 

                I’m straddling his lap.  I’m straddling his lap.  I’m straddling his lap.

                Gah…not ok, not ok.  Stop thinking about trashy romance novels.

               I slithered awkwardly out of his lap and tried to laugh without sounding strangled.  “Ji Ho,” I whined.  “I can’t do this with you.”

                He pinched my arm.  I snapped my teeth at his arm.  “Are you worried it won’t be good?  I’m really good if I do say so myself,” he chuckled.  “I’ve had tons of practice!”

                I continued to slither away until I was lying flat on my stomach on the hardwood floor, hiding my face.  He leaned forward and stretched out on his side with his head on his hand, propped up by his elbow.  I flipped onto my back and looked up at him.

                “I’m sure you are really good…” I began, trying to keep the longing out of my voice.  “I just don’t think this is a good idea.”

                “But I want to help you!” he insisted.  “I mean if you don’t want to, that’s ok.  I’m not going to pin you down or anything,” he laughed. 

                Please, please, pin me down.  I’d give my left arm for you to pin me down.

                I looked away from his face.  Instead, I focused on the line of his body.  His shoulder, down his side to his hip, down his leg.  He had a nice body, to say the least.

                “It’s not that,” I sighed, busying my hands with picking flakes of nail polish off my thumb.  “You’ve kissed a million girls and I’ve never even kissed a single boy.”  I shrugged, feeling stupid and childish.  “I’m going to be really awkward, I bet. I don’t want you to laugh at me.”

                My eyes skipped back up to his face.  His expression was hurt, his eyes filled with disbelief.  I immediately felt bad for blurting out what I was really feeling.

                “I would never laugh at you over something like this,” he said, quietly.

                “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean…”  I sighed.  “Just forget it.  Let’s do it if you still want to.”

                He blinked away the emotion on his face and pushed my tank top strap back up my shoulder and into my tee shirt sleeve.  “You know, you really should wear clothes that fit you better,” he teased.

                “I said I was sorry for thinking you’d laugh at me,” I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut as tight as I could.

                He laughed.  “You need to relax first,” he said in a business-like tone, shifting closer to me, still propped up by his elbow.  I opened one eye to glare at him.  “That’s creepy,” he snickered.  “Just relax your whole face.”

                I rubbed my hands over my face.  “Ok, I’m relaxed.”

                “No, you’re not.”

                “Shut up, I’m trying.  I don’t know what I’m doing here.”  Not to mention the facts that I can smell the intoxicatingly delicious scent that you emit all the time and that I can feel the heat off your body isn’t helping at all.  He laughed yet again and pushed some hair behind one of my ears.

                Holy fritos, he was really getting ready to kiss me.  The hormone driven crazy girl I kept locked away inside me was shouting that I should ask him if he’d be willing to help me on the whole thing too.  Things were not right in my head.

                “Guys like it when girls touch them a little while they kiss,” he mentioned, bringing me out of my fantasy.

                I lifted my arms and held them out, showing him my palms.  “Where do I put them?”

                “Wherever you want,” he shrugged.  “Just light touches.  It’s nice.”

                I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening past the part I heard as ‘put your hands wherever you want on my body.’  I dragged myself closer to him, almost under him the way he was supporting himself up.  I was too panicked to do anything with my hands.  In hopes of comic relief, I used them to cover his eyes.

                He snorted and shook his head away from my hands.  “Never mind.  Put them wherever feels comfortable after we start kissing.”  Right, like I was really going to be able to move a muscle when he kisses me.  “Ready to show me what reading all those romance books have taught you?” he asked with the iest smirk I’d ever seen on his face.