A/N: I'm so sorry to whoever actually has read all the chapters! I have no excuse! Well, I was actually on vacation but... anyway! Sorry! I hope you will Still like it and enjoy! Hm? :)

Somehow Kibum managed to avoid Jonghyun for the rest of the week. Or Jonghyun managed to avoid Kibum, he didn’t really know. But those few days became a blur filled with hurt anyway, longing both for answers and the other party, tears and a coldness that seemed to have settled in Kibum's chest. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing during that week and Minho had started to follow him everywhere he went out of concern. He sometimes caught Jonghyun looking at him, though, with an unreadable expression. The knowledge less cloud he was in was excruciating and he would do anything to clear up the fog that had settled in the group.

Kibum was staring at his pale reflection in the mirror of the elevator as he rode it up to their apartment and had made up his mind about talking to Jonghyun that evening, mostly because Jinki had begged him to, since he thought that the rest of the group was growing tired of the constant tension that could explode into... well, anything depending on the time and situation.

He sighed and pressed his forehead against the cool, smooth surface. He could feel the elevator slow down until it finally came to a stop and the disembodied voice of the elevator-lady informed him that he was on his floor. He turned around to face the exit and pulled the strap of his duffle bag higher up on his shoulder.

The doors of the elevator opened and revealed Sekyung sitting outside their apartment door.

Kibum froze and bit his lip uncertainly, wondering if he should just go back down again and wait for her to go or talk to her. She noticed him just when he had almost made up his mind to flee and he reluctantly approached her. She wasn’t really someone he wanted to see, much less speak to, at the moment when he was about to face Jonghyun.

“Hey, Sekyung.” He said tentatively.

“Kibum.” Came the answer.

He cracked his fingers nervously. “Uh... Jonghyun isn’t here right now but I can-”

“I’m not here for Jonghyun.” She interrupted.

Kibum shut his mouth immediately feeling a little relieved. He had actually no idea if Jonghyun was in or not, but if he was he didn’t want to put off talking to him by inviting her in and losing his chance. Sekyung observed him under silence for a few minutes while Kibum stood there squirming uncomfortably. He realised that he was extremely rude for not having invited her in, but there was nothing he could do.

Then Sekyung took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“I’m here to officially break off my relationship with Jonghyun.” She said.

Kibum's eyes widened and his heart stopped. He didn’t know if he should feel happy or sad. “Oh, but then-”

“He already knows. I don’t need to see him again right now.” She interrupted him again. “However, I do need to see you.”

Kibum started to fiddle with the strap of his bag nervously. What did she have to tell him about breaking up with Jonghyun? He had nothing to do with it, right? Kibum felt his palms become clammy with nervousness and his heart was beating wildly enough to give him a heart attack.

“Do you know why I’m breaking up with him?” she asked.

Kibum shook his head. “No. But please, I beg you Sekyung, don’t do it. He loves you!” he found himself saying without thinking.

But it was true, although it hurt to admit it out loud. He had heard Jonghyun speak about her so many times and seen that love struck, cross-eyed muppet expression on his face every time he thought about her. Jonghyun had practically devoted every song he sang for her and all his free time had ended up going to wherever she was. If that wasn’t love, Kibum didn’t know what was. And if Sekyung broke up with Jonghyun he would breakdown completely. The only other thing Kibum had seen him so devoted to was music.

He could see tears gather in her eyes, threatening to spill over. “I know.”

Kibum could feel his heart hurting but ignored it. “Then why-”

“I already asked you if you knew why. Here’s the answer.” She took a deep shaky breath. “I’m not breaking up with Jonghyun because of your band or me losing fans or the hate-mails or even because we can’t really date properly. I don’t care about those.”

Kibum bit his lip trying not to cry either.

“I’m breaking up with him because of you, Kibum.” She said and started sobbing.

Kibum couldn’t breathe. He wanted to go to her and pull her into a hug and tell her that everything would be alright. That it was all a big misunderstanding. That Jonghyun would be hers and hers alone if she just talked it out with him. And he knew it would hurt him infinitely to do that but at the moment he didn’t care. But it was like he was frozen to the ground and all he could do was stare at her. His own tears started to run when he heard her sob so heartbrokenly. He couldn’t comprehend why in the world she would leave Jonghyun because of him, even if it had been one of his secret, evil dreams.

“Why would you do that?” he whispered. “Why?”

She dried some of her tears but more kept on coming.

“B-because, as m-much... as he l-loves me he can’t be... w-without you.” She sobbed even harder than before.

Kibum swallowed and knelt down beside her. He had absolutely no idea what he should do or feel. After hesitating for a fraction of a moment he put his hand on her shoulder.

“That’s not true.” He mumbled and tried not to sob himself.

She looked up at him through tear-filled eyes. “It... i-is. It’s always... K-Kibum this... or Kibum t-that with him.”

Kibum shook his head and a sob involuntarily escaped his lips. It wasn’t, couldn’t, be true.

“When y-you ignore him... he’s l-like the walking d-dead.” She sniffled. “He needs y-you. He j-just doesn’t... realise it y-yet.”

“Sekyung.” Kibum choked out through his tears.

She bit her lip and threw her arms around his waist, hugging him like her life depended on it. Kibum understood how she felt perfectly. So he hugged her back. It was all he could do, putting his head on top of her head and pull her a little closer. He would have done anything to make her take Jonghyun back at that moment, because as much as he wanted Jonghyun himself he was hurting two people he actually cared about more than he would hurt himself without Jonghyun.

“Jonghyun’s a jerk.” He muttered through his tears.

Sekyung let out a muffled laugh. “You k-know he isn’t.”

Kibum sighed. “I know.”

“Do you know how happy he looked when he told me about your confession?” Sekyung sniffled, calming down a little. “I don’t understand how he doesn’t realise his own feelings.”

“I don’t...” Kibum sighed. “I’m just a really close friend to him.”

Sekyung grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes. “Don’t you dare think he does not love you like you love him!” she said threateningly. “Someone just has to smack some sense into him.”

Kibum let out a small, weak laugh. “Smacking sense into someone to fall in love with their male best friend?”

Sekyung pinched his cheeks. “I did not leave him so that you could chicken out, pretty boy.”

Then she patted them and stood up, pulling Kibum with her.

“Goodbye,” she said and hugged him, “I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other in the near future.”

Kibum hugged her back before she strode over to the stairs, waved one last time and disappeared with a determined expression.

He closed his eyes and sighed when her footsteps had faded and he was alone again. He couldn’t decide if the situation had changed for the better or the worse. Jonghyun would most probably be as torn up as Sekyung was and Kibum didn’t really know what he would do if he was.

Why did life have to be so hard? He thought bitterly. Why couldn’t there be an instruction book for how to live without hurting anyone and yourself?

Kibum opened the apartment door as silently as he could and slipped inside. However, it was dark everywhere which meant that no one was home. He let out an unconscious breath of relief and went to take a shower to freshen up.

As Kibum had half expected, Jonghyun went straight to his room without speaking to anybody when he got home making Jinki and Minho throw a worried glance at Kibum who just shrugged. They all knew Jonghyun would need a little time alone.

What Kibum didn’t expect was for Jonghyun to text him later that evening when everyone else was in the living room and ask him to come to his room. Kibum rose hesitantly from his seat forgetting about the others on the sofa and made his way to Jonghyun’s and Minho’s shared room with a thumping heart. He stopped just outside the door and took a deep, shaky breath before knocking, his stomach in knots and his palms damp. Jonghyun’s muffled voice permitted him entry and Kibum stepped inside quickly and closed the door behind him before he could change his mind.

It was dark inside the room and he could see the shape of Jonghyun laying face down on his bed. Kibum cleared his throat.

“Um, I was just in the next room... you didn’t have to text me.” He said after a moment of silence.

Jonghyun turned his head slightly to look at him. Kibum could see that he had been crying and his heart sank a little.

“I didn’t feel like going out there.” He mumbled in a raspy voice.

Kibum nodded. “Oh.”

Silence fell again and Kibum shuffled his feet, uncertain if he should approach Jonghyun or just stay put at the door. Jonghyun sighed and sat up with his pillow in his lap, turning around so that he was facing the foot of the bed and gestured for Kibum to sit in front of him. He immediately complied and sat down stiffly at the end of the bed.

“Sekyung broke up with me.” He said as soon as Kibum had sat down.

Kibum felt his body freeze up and turned his head robotically to look at Jonghyun. He was examining Kibum's face with a thoughtful look in his eyes.

Kibum cleared his throat again. “A-and you’re telling me this because...?”

“She said something...” Jonghyun bit his lip and looked down at his hands that were hugging the pillow.

Kibum could feel cold sweat break out on his forehead and his palms became even damper.

“What?” he almost choked out.

Jonghyun looked up at his eyes to examine them uncertainly. Then he did something Kibum never thought would have happened within a thousand years. He didn’t even get the time to react to it since it was so uncalled for.

Jonghyun leaned forward and pressed his lips softly and cautiously against Kibum's.

As soon as the contact between their lips was made Kibum's mind started running at the speed of light and his hands itched to run his fingers through Jonghyun’s hair tenderly. How many times hadn’t he fantasised about just this moment, their first kiss? Although in his mind’s eye it had been wonderful and rose coloured while this...

There was nothing glorious or uplifting or fulfilling in their first kiss because Kibum found himself feeling so guilty that he could die and he knew that Jonghyun was just experimenting and went along because he was broken hearted. He also knew Jonghyun was just acting on what Sekyung had told him and that it was most likely her he was still wishing for.

He felt Jonghyun push him down on the bed and deepen the kiss, all the uncertainty that had been in his kiss before was gone. Kibum's body was still frozen however and he couldn’t do anything except lay there and let Jonghyun kiss him. Not that he minded. It was probably a good thing too because if he had been able to move he had most likely taken things further by now.

You are taking advantage of your best friend, Kibum thought when he finally unfroze and put his arms around Jonghyun’s neck almost instinctively. He’s in a confused state and you... there should be a special place in hell for your kind.

Kibum felt hate and guilt well up inside him even stronger and he wanted to push Jonghyun away, he really did, but he couldn’t find it in him to do so. Jonghyun had him at his every beck and call with just the smallest whisper of lips against lips. He could have asked Kibum to do anything at the moment and he would have done it. No questions asked.

As soon as they stopped to take a breath Kibum's head cleared up slightly. He pushed Jonghyun away, stood up and walked out of the room without saying another word, so as to restrain himself from falling deeper into the abyss of self loathing and guilt that he somehow managed to create.